[NotDeadYet]

This is honestly such an awful thing for me to admit, and honestly I really dont want to admit it due to the nature of them and how much of a terrible person they make me feel. But I do often fantasize about getting hurt or injured, sometimes without even wanting to. They make me feel terrible for having them, usually they center around me getting hurt, very seriously and then getting rained on with attention. It even creeps into my suicidal thoughts and make me wonder weather or not I want to die for attention or not. The scenarios can range from injuries to rape. I wish I didnt fantasize about this as it make me feel so bad and ****** to know I think about this. I wont actually go out of my way to get hurt or lie about being hurt to anyone, so you dont have to fear about that but it makes me analyse my actions to make sure I'm not faking them. Like I was recently sick a bit ago and it caused me to lose my voice, I did actually fear that I was purposely pretending to have a lost voice just for attention :/. I dont know what to do about this, does anyone else share this problem?

[Sunflower123]

I don't but I wanted to let you know I hear you.

[Vimtuous]

I do this sometimes. It makes it hard for me to admit if there's actually something wrong with me. I don't want other people to think I'm just looking for attention and sympathy. I think it's a mix of intrusive thoughts and anxiety for me. Part of it is that I think life would be a lot easier if I did have a physical illness instead of mental one. Like if I feel down a staircase or something it would be easier to handle.

[notz]

I don't think you're awful! You're not the first person I've ever heard such things from and you won't be the last. For me, I have learned that I took a lot of unnecessary risks as a child when playing because getting hurt was another way to get love and attention. The family dynamics were such that the focus was always someplace else unless I was hurt, sick or in trouble. Sometimes I would wish for horrible things to happen to me so I could experience love and concern.

As a middle age adult I developed a hard stoicism and barely felt pain. Fast forward many years and it's been a long road to learn how to accurately report how I feel whether mentally or physically. I'm still learning. I highly recommend therapy to sort through your challenges. Good luck!

[MickeyCheeky]

Why do you think you're a bad person for this? It's not your fault. I bet plenty of people can relate.. even if you DID think to hurt yourself for attention, I wouldn't blame you too much. Instead, I'd think about why you feel the need to seek this attention.. perhaps you didn't receive enough love

[NotDeadYet]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

Why do you think you're a bad person for this? It's not your fault. I bet plenty of people can relate.. even if you DID think to hurt yourself for attention, I wouldn't blame you too much. Instead, I'd think about why you feel the need to seek this attention.. perhaps you didn't receive enough love

It just that, their are ACTUAL people that go through this and here I am daydreaming about it when they get seriously hurt by these things and have to suffer through it. Honestly sometimes I think that people would take my pain seriously if I had something bad happen to me and that I'm just over exaggerating things that are wrong

[Olanza-what?]

I play out entire scenarios when day dreaming. I visualize tragedies, nothing that I am doing but just horrible things happening to myself and other people and on very, very rare occasions, good things, though they're a bit twisted.

My poor daughter grew up in fear of venturing out of the house because of the strong doom emotions/imagination that I had. She'd often tell me that because I see it, I think its going to happen, it will not happen, that it was the way that I was thinking. She'd say "try thinking of good things happening instead, and she assured when leaving the house by saying "I know your concern is for my safety and I will be careful and cautious, and I will call you ..okay mom". She was the first to recognize that I was bipolar.

What makes this even more difficult for me, is that, the things I imagine happening both in my daydreams and dreams actually ended up happening. I thought I had a gift so to speak and slowly realizing if it were a gift, why not seeing good things happening as well and more often than the bad? I have done/experienced this for as long as I can remember. My mom once told me that she would kill me if I dreamed one more bad dream about my siblings or other family members. I quickly learned to keep them to myself.

I use to think of myself as some sort of monster for the thoughts, (so as a man thinketh, so is his heart) but I am not a monster. Because of talk therapy and working on other issues, mainly my perception, now I tell myself that it is part of my illness, part of my paranoia perhaps.

Thank you for this. Your braveness to share this here at PC has encouraged me to talk to my therapist about it. I hope you feel better about yourself and if you are in talk therapy, perhaps you should mention it to your therapist. You are not alone.

Best wishes

Originally Posted by NotDeadYet

This is honestly such an awful thing for me to admit, and honestly I really dont want to admit it due to the nature of them and how much of a terrible person they make me feel. But I do often fantasize about getting hurt or injured, sometimes without even wanting to. They make me feel terrible for having them, usually they center around me getting hurt, very seriously and then getting rained on with attention. It even creeps into my suicidal thoughts and make me wonder weather or not I want to die for attention or not. The scenarios can range from injuries to rape. I wish I didnt fantasize about this as it make me feel so bad and ****** to know I think about this. I wont actually go out of my way to get hurt or lie about being hurt to anyone, so you dont have to fear about that but it makes me analyse my actions to make sure I'm not faking them. Like I was recently sick a bit ago and it caused me to lose my voice, I did actually fear that I was purposely pretending to have a lost voice just for attention :/. I dont know what to do about this, does anyone else share this problem?

You're far from bad for these types of daydreams.

I have daydreams sometimes at the opposite extreme of the spectrum. I often daydream about having super powers and being a super villain and taking over governments and corporations and plotting world domination. I also fantasize about mind controlling and brainwashing people and forcing people to love and respect me. Other daydreams of mine are about an apocalypse wiping out most of the human population and me as a survivor with a bunker and decades of food and supplies stored in it and me being one of the only people with this much food so I use it to make people my foot soldiers and conquer the rest of humanity and go after every child abuser and rapist that I can find as well as everybody who has ever wronged me in a major way and enslave and torture them.

As you can see, your daydreams aren't bad. Mine are actually bad haha

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

I don't believe either NotDeadYet's dreams nor Darkness's dreams are "bad". They are simply an act of the mind releasing built up tensions or frustrations or other emotions, as well as sometimes adding into it the knowledge or experience from recent events in or around their (or anyone else who dreams) lives. So, NotDeadYet, you said you are going through a lot of emotional pain but basically being ignored. I don't find it odd at all that you would dream up ways (any way, including violent ones) to have your pain heard. You deserve to be heard just as much as anyone else. Darkness, I know from past conversations with you, society in general, as well as many of those you were close to, have hurt you or otherwise wronged you in many different ways. I also do not find it odd that you would dream of ways to retaliate and "get even" both with them and anyone like them.

Dreaming about things and doing things are two entirely different things. In my book, you can dream of anything you can imagine - and not be "bad". Actions are different. There are some actions that are always good. Some that are always bad. Some that depend on circumstances. Even then though... that's just the measure of the action. Deciding on if a person is good or bad is a balance of several factors. Does the person do more good than bad actions or more bad than good actions? When the bad actions are committed is there ever a "good reason"? When a good action is committed is it ever done for ill construed or selfish reasons? Does the person have a physical or mental health condition which may affect his or her behaviors or actions or thinking?

These are a few of the basic questions to figure out the balance. So no... Dreams don't make you good nor bad, they just happen, and it's ok, in fact - it's healthy and good to dream.