[TwilightDawn]

I wanted to say thank you to all here, for providing support for me thus far-- a very long, overdue welcome. Deep down, I'm scared and anxious, and I'm afraid of moving onto things if I think its wrong... o getting hurt and crying too easily. But thank you for letting me cry, and SeptemberMorn, eskelover, thank you for so much advice, all that both of you've given me. Its been helpful in the past few weeks, a mind wracking mess, but one I have come out more than okay, but smiling at the future in front of me. ^^

I also wanted to give an update...

My boyfriend stayed together after we worked out my views, and he was by my side and hugging me and helped me start the conversation a week ago when I went to admit my suicide attempt to my mum, and was sweet enough to let me hug him afterwards. I love him dearly, love him so much. ^^ He's a different boyfriend than my fiance I mentioned, and I'm much happier with him. We see eye to eye most of the time and we work out the rest, and we are there to listen to each other, I think the world of him and hope maybe he is the right one. ^^

I am back at the house I was raised in with my family, attending an improv (improvisation, acting) class in college. I love being on stage and improv is so much fun, so much fun to act like an idiot on purpose and make everyone laugh, make people happy. ^^ It may be my only college class but each class is a joy to attend and a joy to go home to, knowing that it makes others smile when we do shows. ^^

My said boyfriend has been helping me through with my depression-- he's starting to see a side of me I never showed most people. I admit... I created a new personality years ago after an incident where I felt weak and I was cruel, a side of me that never felt happy for the past five years, I always felt so like I was never good enough, not worthy. But it seems to be in recent wees the sunshine has come out, and he loves this other side of me, the old me, and has been helping me regain strength. Bless the world for him, I'm so glad he's there by me, helping me through now. ^^

My only concern right now is a recent revelation to my boyfriend, that I spend every second of the day in pain and maybe near fainting on rare occasions, but he's seeing that I stay on task and talk to my mum or get a doctor to help about it, but with hope its not a major condition, just maybe one that could be righted with a little meds. ^^

I got off track here, thank you so os much, especially you SeptMorn and eskelover, and anyone else who my ditzy mind might have missed. May God bless you all. ^^

[eskielover]

Asuyuka,

You are very welcome....I am glad that something I wrote was a thought or suggestion that helped you through that rough time. It is nice to hear that the words actually helped, so I appreciate your thank you.

I am glad that you have your boyfriend to help you through.....there isn't anything really like someone in your real world to be there for you & guide you through the rough spots. He sounds like a wonderful person. It is rather strange you just the right person comes along at the right time to be there for us.....it sure not something under our control.

A suicide attempt is a difficult thing to deal with let alone trying to tell your mother....glad he was there by your side to support you. (I have been at the suicidal attempt point many times, so know what you are talking about).

I hope that whatever pain you are dealing with can be helped...sometimes you have to find the right pain specialist to do tests & then experiment with the right dose of meds to do the trick. I lived with horrible 24/7 migraines for 9 years without help, so know how horribly it can effect you. It wasn't until I luckily was forced to leave the previous pain jerk specialist that I found one that was willing to treat my pain with the level of narcotics it took to control the pain & the pain was over a 10 everyday.

Take care of yourself & while you are having a rough time....let your boyfriend guide you for awhile...it will get better. I want you to know how much I appreciate your thanks also....I am glad that my words helped....& be sure to PM if you need anything in the future. I am a bit tied up with getting my farm house into shape this month, but will be glad to respond to a PM since it will point it out to me.
((((((((((((((((((((asuyuka)))))))))))))))),

Debbie