Disclaimer: this thread is meant to be a vent/rant thread more than anything else. I welcome support in it but please, don't get mad at me if you try to give me advice and I seem to not care because that isn't the case.

With that being said, I am utterly fed up with the buses. It isn't my fault that my mother was useless and didn't help me learn the life skills that I need to function in society as an adult. it isn't my fault that I never had a chance to learn how to drive because my mother wouldn't allow me to take driver's ed when I was a teen. I've been fighting and struggling to learn how to function as an adult on my own because I had nobody to teach me. It has taken me this long to be able to find a job and start college. I still have trouble managing money and taking care of my basic needs even though I'm getting better. So why must transportation be harder for me than almost everything else?

I am so freaking sick and tired of going to college for 12 credit hours a week, going to work for 20 hours a week, and donating plasma 2x a week; all while factoring an extra 3-4 hours into my already busy day all because of the buses!! I am so fed up with having to wake up at 6AM JUST to get to work when my shift doesn't start until 9AM or having to spend all day between transportation and school just to attend 2 freaking classes! It isn't uncommon for me to not get home until 11PM because of how slow the buses are. 15-16 freaking hours just to take 1-2 classes, work a shift at a job that pays a measly $8.40 per hour, and donate plasma for $25-55 is getting irritating. It doesn't help me that I am losing out on both my social life and seeing a decent therapist because I can't get anywhere. I had to take off work tomorrow just to get to the mental health center to sign a treatment plan to keep seeing my new case manager all because of their stupid confidentiality B.S. If it wasn't for the housing grant that I am on for 2 more months, I would give up on going entirely because of the buses.

I am so freaking overwhelmed and stressed. I can't take another 6 months of this. I need to learn how to drive and start up driver's ed but it is almost $400 to do that and I would have to spend 4-6 months learning before I can finally get my license. I can't wait that long! I feel like if things keep going the way they are I am going to beat the **** out of one of these bus drivers because the whole bus system is pissing me off to the extreme. I am so freaking angry and agitated when dealing with these buses that I have to keep my headset on and block out people because if somebody says one wrong thing to me, I am going to beat their heads in with my backpack. IDGAF about the consequences anymore because this world isn't for me if I can't even handle working and going to school.

**** these buses and **** society. I am fed up!!!!!

[*Laurie*]

My heart goes out to you. With the exception of most major American cities, not being a driver/having a car in the U.S. is sheer hell. That you even manage it this far amazes me, it truly does. Please give yourself credit, at least. You are doing so much.

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

My heart goes out to you. With the exception of most major American cities, not being a driver/having a car in the U.S. is sheer hell. That you even manage it this far amazes me, it truly does. Please give yourself credit, at least. You are doing so much.

Right? It doesn't help matters that I have nobody to drive me anywhere which makes me even more dependent on the buses. It's not like I can afford Uber/Lyft all of the time either, yet, there are times when I need to pay $14 to use an Uber/Lyft to get to school or work because my schedule becomes so tied up.

I honestly wish I could just move to a big city with good public transportation just to avoid dealing with this issue all together. Unfortunately, it isn't economical for me to move at this time since the cost of living where I stay is so low.

I need to take driver's ed and get my license and a car but I can't get started until next month due to how expensive it is and then I have to commit 4-6 months to learning how to drive, which I am not looking forward to. It doesn't help matters for me that I am still not over my anxiety over learning how to drive at my age; I am scared of being judged by people because I'm a 26 year old man who is just now learning how to drive.

[Nammu]

Bus suck......I was living in a major city but the bus system was terrible. I had a DL but I couldn't afford a car, upkeep and insurance.

[Maven]

I quit taking busses after several bad experiences on them, including sitting in baby pee, having the door shut ON me and several incidents of being sexually and religiously harassed. The time it took was just one more thing. But my mom taught me how to drive. You don't have any friends who could teach you?

You don't have to feel bad about being 26 and not being able to drive. Lots of people never learn, and some are much older. I had driver's ed, but I don't remember why I didn't go on to driving after that. I was in my early 20s before I learned.

Originally Posted by Maven

I quit taking busses after several bad experiences on them, including sitting in baby pee, having the door shut ON me and several incidents of being sexually and religiously harassed. The time it took was just one more thing. But my mom taught me how to drive. You don't have any friends who could teach you?

Unfortunately, I would be all alone in learning. The only person that would be likely to help me lives 3 hours away, which would make getting there with my busy schedule pretty much impossible.

I don't need anybody though. I will get this done no matter what because I have do.

I can drive and I have to waste HOURS of my life on the public trains only because there is no parking. And guess what... now they have taken parking away from the train stations so I have to drive 30 minutes to get to a train station with parking even though there is a train station near my home with insufficient parking.

Oh don't get me started... I lose 1 hour every commute to stupidity and that is if it is on time, which, it never is. In the winter I have to freeze and sometimes get frost bite because the train doesn't show up on time.

You shouldn't be scared to learn to drive late in life. I knew someone else who had the same problem but I had to break off talking to her because she refused to learn. Oh and she did have a mother willing to teach her but she just was scared. Just remember that driving isn't as hard as you think. When I learned I was obsessed with doing everything right. It wasn't until I relaxed and just tried not to hit anyone that I got better.

Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton

You shouldn't be scared to learn to drive late in life. I knew someone else who had the same problem but I had to break off talking to her because she refused to learn. Oh and she did have a mother willing to teach her but she just was scared. Just remember that driving isn't as hard as you think. When I learned I was obsessed with doing everything right. It wasn't until I relaxed and just tried not to hit anyone that I got better.

If it's so easy to learn, than why does the website for the driver's ed class that I was looking at say that the class lasts 6 months? Are a lot of learners slow or something?

I can't wait that long. It is asking a lot out of me to deal with all of the B.S of my daily life and spend all of this time learning. I don't know how I am going to be able to take on all of this responsibility at once without getting overwhelmed.

Getting my license and a car would help me a great deal. Ideally, I would want to get this all done by the end of the school year. Unfortunately, I don't think I can do that, go to school full time, AND work while dealing with the buses.

I may have to drop a class or two. I see no other way of doing all of this without neglecting my mental health or losing control and doing something stupid.

[Unrigged64072835]

I didn't learn how to drive until my late 20s. My husband was the same. My daughter doesn't drive now because of panic attacks. And my brother is 53 and never drove. He has good bus transportation, though. I didn't take a class, just learned on my own.

Since driver's ed is mostly geared to teenagers, it can take a while for them to get their required time in, plus any other training in parking, maneuvering, etc. Some states require night driving, inclement weather driving.

[*Laurie*]

6 months!! What? A driving class shouldn't be more than a couple of weeks.

26 is certainly not old to learn to drive. Geez, I have family members and friends of all kinds of ages who don't drive.

[Angelique67]

I have my license (I've had one since I passed the test as a teen. But I never bought a car (lived most of my life in big cities), yet. At this time, I'm locked up in a state nursing home, and again I have no freedom. Oh well. What I wanted to tell you is that driving is just another kind of machine to master. I think I've read that you are very adept at computers? Well, a car is just another machine, like a computer. And you can hire someone to teach you (driver's education). I wouldn't recommend hiring someone informally because that's dangerous (so forget Craigslist). See if maybe triple A would refer you to a good program or teacher. It's not that hard. Good luck.

[Fuzzybear]

I'm not going to preach at you (being preached at bores me) so I'm simply sending hugs

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

If it's so easy to learn, than why does the website for the driver's ed class that I was looking at say that the class lasts 6 months? Are a lot of learners slow or something?.

You should look at another one. I think mine was 6 weeks. I cannot imagine that it would take 6 months. Also I believe I went every Saturday morning for ONE hour. And we did driving on a deserted commercial park for most of it so I was really familiar with driving before we went out on regular roads.

I don't know how I am going to be able to take on all of this responsibility at once without getting overwhelmed.

Well, maybe you could see how it goes.

Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton

You should look at another one. I think mine was 6 weeks. I cannot imagine that it would take 6 months. Also I believe I went every Saturday morning for ONE hour. And we did driving on a deserted commercial park for most of it so I was really familiar with driving before we went out on regular roads.


Well, maybe you could see how it goes.

I will admit, I didn't know this. Waiting 6 weeks I could actually handle,

I will look into it and I will pay for driver's ed sometime next month when it is financially feasible for me to do so.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Yea, when I read the six months I was dumb founded too. I took drivers Ed as a class in school, but even that only lasted 8wks. (First two we just sat watching films, lol ... I think it was just time filler bc it was an actual class)

[reb569]

I think it depends on how often the class meets. In New York State, the driver's ed that they do at the schools for teens runs from the end of June through early August, so about 6 weeks, but they have about 10 hours of class time and written tests, and then 2 to 3 hours of driving (a group of 3 or 4 splitting the time) 2 or 3 days a week, ending with a mock drivers test.

My guess is the 6 month class only meets once or twice a week.

I hope you are able to find a class that will work with your schedule.

Originally Posted by reb569

I think it depends on how often the class meets. In New York State, the driver's ed that they do at the schools for teens runs from the end of June through early August, so about 6 weeks, but they have about 10 hours of class time and written tests, and then 2 to 3 hours of driving (a group of 3 or 4 splitting the time) 2 or 3 days a week, ending with a mock drivers test.

My guess is the 6 month class only meets once or twice a week.

I hope you are able to find a class that will work with your schedule.

I could have been wrong about the 6 month class since I was overwhelmed with information on their site. I could have mistaken it for something else.

What I do remember about that particular class though is that they meet 1 time a week on Sat and they teach you defensive driving as well and provide you with cars to take the driver's test (this would be a huge bonus for me since I have nobody to provide me a car suitable for me taking the test in or to help me get to the DMV to test). It is also done by a major college here so I would feel more comfortable with them teaching me versus a smaller school; especially since I live in the south and there are still people here that are ignorant to why a person older than 18 would be just now learning how to drive.

It seems like money and time will still be barriers for me but hopefully I get some of my disbursement funds next week. If so, I will see about signing up for classes next month.

[reb569]

Good luck with it! I'm sure you will do fine!

Now that I've thought about this topic further, I am thinking about a couple of changes:

First, I am planning a trip up to see my step father this fall break. He lives out in the country now in a village with a population of about 270 and he said he would help teach me how to drive. When he supported me years ago, he offered to help me then too but I let my fear and anxiety get the better of me. I would feel more comfortable learning up there with him because there isn't a lot of people there, which would prevent me from being nervous and afraid of being judged. Plus, appearance wise, I pass as a 18-20 year old if I keep my face clean shaven, which would make it easier for me so that if somebody sees me learning, they don't think I'm some kind of idiot for being a fully grown man older than 25 that is just now learning.

Second, I am strongly considering getting an apartment that is closer to my school (walking distance hopefully) and the plasma center when the lease to where I'm staying expires late Oct. Yes, rent is a bit more expensive, but until I get a license and a car, which could still months away if I learn slower or have other difficulties holding me back, I could stop being dependent on the buses and I could compensate for the rent difference by being able to get more hours in at my student job beings I'm only getting 18-20 hours now and I could be working 25 if I didn't spend so much time traveling.

[Nammu]

That sounds well thought out and well reasoned.

Originally Posted by Nammu

That sounds well thought out and well reasoned.

Agreed. This is how single orphans (term a learned recently to describe elders who were alone) survive. Take things incrementally and problem solve and be proud when you come out the other side.

[Sunflower123]

DIMF...sounds like you're coming up with some great solutions. Yay!!!! Hope everything works out well for you.

Just how long is the commute? In many cities sitting in a car for a 2hr drive to work is considered the norm. I myself had to allow 2hrs to ride on transit to work. Are there ways that might make the time go by easier? I read on the bus and train. I even did some of my work during my commute (could you take advantage of the time to complete your homework?). The hardest part was tuning out the people around me.

Getting your driver's license by the way is within your own power to achieve. I realise home life made it difficult but it was not someone else's responsibility to ensure you obtained it.

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Getting your driver's license by the way is within your own power to achieve. I realise home life made it difficult but it was not someone else's responsibility to ensure you obtained it.

Actually, it is a parent's responsibility to provide their children the tools needed to succeed in the world. If a parent can't educate their children properly on how to be a responsible adult, than the parent failed as a parent and as a result, is no better than an abuser. Yes, learning how to drive is what many here in the U.S would consider a "life skill" because public transportation is either terrible or non existent in the vast majority of the country. I mean, how is somebody supposed to be a productive member of society if they can't even make it to a job?

Oh, and to answer your question, to get to my school/workplace, it is about a 20 minute drive. Yet, it takes me 3-4 hours riding the buses go get there and back. That should tell you how bad public transportation is where I live.

Not that it matters though since I am working on fixing my parent's failures. Getting my license isn't something that can be done overnight, but it is something that I'm working towards. The past is meaningless; I am focused on my future now.

[eskielover]

My mom didn't have the confidence to learn how to drive until I was 16 & was ready to get my own license. She was about 43 then. She had underdeveloped eyes from birth & even though thick glasses gave her the ability to see, she didn't believe she was capable of seeing well enough to drive. Definitely understandable but not for me as a kid when every other mom was capable of driving & I was left out of many things I wanted to do because of her inability. Kids don't always look at how understandable something is they just see how badly it affects them.

It was probably how that limited my life growing up in So. Calif. made me so determined to drive & get my license on my 16th birthday. Public transportation in the area I lived in was a huge walk to get to in the first place & as a kid, taking the bus wasn't even very safe in that area. My mom stayed home or depended on my dad to drive her everywhere when he was not at work. It limited what I could be involved in as a child because she socially knew no one so there was no one to get a ride with. Neighbors drove us to school because we were too far to walk but too close for a school bus. I remember being determined to be in high school marching band but I had to walk in my uniform almost 2 miles in order to get to the persons house whose mother was able to drive her daughter (who was in drill team) & me to the school. Practice was during school so I didn't have to arrange anything different....my dad usually picked me up right before leaving for work in the late afternoon.

I sensed how dysfunctional my parents were which is probably why I was always in conflict with them growing up but it was my NORMAL.

Driving was one thing I was not going to miss out on as it meant FREEDOM to me & I forced the issue from the time I was 13. No drivers permit at that age or driving on city streets but my parents always wanted me to go with them on their boring drives out to the desert on Sunday afternoons...(my dad had this dream of walking around the desert & stumbling onto a gold mine .... anyway....). I had no interest in going if he wasn't willing to start teaching me to drive out in the middle of the nothingness desert roads where there were no other cars around. He had grown up on a Nebraska farm & had driven tractors & farm vehicles since he was a kid so the concept was ok with him....so bribery got me learning to drive young.

Taking driver training with the rest of my class in high school was more of a challenge because I was younger than everyone else by almost a year so I wasn't old enough to get my permit when the rest were learning to drive. When I did take it I actually failed the simulator part because I was so used to driving a real car the simulator was like watching a movie & I watched instead of driving to the video. I smashed into bicycles, ran stop lights, backed into cars.....I just didn't get the hang of driving something that wasn't real & actually surrounding me. (lousy at video games before they even existed in 1969).

My 16th birthday I was at the DMV first thing in the morning with my parents car (this was the only birthday present I DEMANDED)....got my license on the first try but I still remember even knowing how to drive how scary it was to drive on the crowded freeway ALONE for the very first time....but the feeling of FREEDOM for the first time in my life was amazing.

I can understand your feeling about your parents & life skills....my parents couldn't teach something they didn't have themselves in their case. I didn't realize just how lacking they were until looking back only a few years ago, long after they have died. Being an only child I had no one else to talk to about how lacking they were growing up.....but it was definitely an awakening when I did realize what I had lived with all those years.

You are right....all we can do is learn what we lacked learning growing up. I think the 2 years of intense DBT & learning skills there was what magnified what my own parents had lacked the ability to do or to teach. I learned best what I didn't want to be like from my parents but not having any mentors that showed me what I wanted to be like, I figured it out the best I could on my own though I definitely taught myself my own dysfunctional along the way.....undoing that in my late 50's has been challenging but really awesome.

You will get there....time & patience with yourself.

I