grateful

just had to post because im almost euphorically grateful today.
ive been sick all week with a bad flu and then i was really stupid and went out on friday night. i had to go for a couple of drinks since it was a work thing but of course after a couple my flu wasnt bothering me any more so staying out a bit later seemed like a good idea. i got to bed at 4am. i didnt have too much to drink but woke up yesterday morning with my period and excruciating pain on top of 4 hours sleep, dehydration and flu. i was shaking, sweating, freezing then boiling, throwing up from pain, dizzy, not even able to spend the energy on crying from the pain. and on top of having been sick all week i havent been that miserable physically in ages.
THEN. this morning i woke up after sleeping for over 19 hours. i have intermittent mild pain and a cough and feel very fragile but i feel human again!! my body is just tingling with ... i dont know what to call it... peace from misery! lol. it being sunday i have no work. i have no obligations today that arent going to wait. its sunny out so i might go to the park. and my mind has been wiped clear of all depressing thoughts by the exhaustion of struggling through the last week. im content!! just had to let you guys know. it feels so good. and of course reminds me to be sooooooo grateful for the health i have, my little flat, good weather, having food in my fridge that my mother brought yesterday, my internet connection so i can be here with you all and my teddy and elephant hot water bottle that have been with me all week.
think i ll have a cup of tea now. another little pleasure that is magnified a hundred times today.

thats great biiv! hugs to you to get well soon!
take care
self

(((((((((((((((( biiv ))))))))))))))))

thanks selfy. pain was coming back a bit so i took some painkillers and its not so bad again.

((((((((((((((((((fuzzy)))))))))))))))))))))

((((((((biiv))))))))))

plenty of fluid, tlc from yourself and cuddles from us. sending you healing thoughts and a big warm cuddle, take care sweetie, Love Jinny xoxoxoxoxo

i had to respond to this biiv because it's something similar to what i'm going thru... been sick for going on 4 weeks (strepthroat?) and sick of being sick already!!!

but you reminded of so many "little" things i take for granted each day. thank you for helping me see the sunny side : )

i hope your health continues to improve...

(((BIIV))). I hope you feel better soon. Try to get some rest so you can feel Better. Take care. Soidhonia

((((((((((((((((((kerry)))))))))))))))))))))))
thanks jin. this cough is really getting to me now so im thinking im getting tired and irritable again because of it. time for bed soon for a good nights sleep before work in the morning!
thanks for the cuddles. dont suppose i could borrow your hand to sleep again tonight? could really use the tlc.

so sorry you ve been sick for so long nowheretorun! being sick can be nice when its just a 'little' sick and you can curl up at home with someone to take care of you but otherwise it just plain sucks.
im glad you can see the 'sunny side' though. i lit some candles this evening and turned out the lights and listened to some soothing, calming music. so theraputic. another early night and im sure i ll be feeling even better tomorrow.
i hope you get better soon too! can you see a doc for some anti biotics or something? im not sure what strepthroat is but for sore throats strepsils can be great. also lemsip or just salt and warm water (gargle - dont swallow cos it tastes even worse if you do!) or hot honey and lemon.
good luck and take care of yourself.

thanks soidhonia. (((((((((((((((soidhonia))))))))))))))))))
been resting all day and its been great. hating having to go to work tomorrow but trying to look at the exciting side of it!

Biiv,

Glad you are feeling better.....I love the feeling after getting a long sleep when I haven't been feeling good......that refreshing feeling is amazing......glad that is where you are at. Take it easy for awhile....work, sleep, eat, & nice hot tea to relax you before sleeping again.

It's amazing how many little things we realize to be grateful for when we haven't been feeling well. Your teddy & elephant hot water bottles really did the trick.....how cute.

Take care of yourself.....hugs,
Debbie

well i had a horrendous morning this morning. was convinced my boss hated me and was actively avoiding and ignoring me, i messed up everything and was almost in tears by the time i got a lunch break at 2pm but...
then i stood up for myself just a little and spoke to my boss about one of the many things he had yelled at me for screwing up this morning. i told him i was frustrated with myself for getting it wrong when i thought i had gotten it right and started to ask him to explain it but he cut me off by saying i had probably gotten it right in the first place and what i had written did make sense. so basically i was able to compartmentalise things a bit then and see that my bosses mood was not my fault. it was because of stuff going on with him and not because im a terrible person and making life unbearable for him. the rest of the afternoon went much better and i think i managed to do some things right even.
not wanting to blow my own horn but im just a little proud of myself for not breaking down and for actually trying to make the situation better. i didnt fall into the pit of 'i suck'. well not totally. and i got myself out of it before i drowned! lol. it was a really hard day and its not over yet but to add to my note of gratitude:
im so very grateful that all the work ive been doing on myself and all the horrible experiences ive had in the past have made me reach a place where, at least just this once even if never again, i reacted maturely and got control of my emotions.
ok thats way too much self praise.

Biiv,

That is wonderful that you were able to get to that place with your boss. It sounds like self-esteme is a huge issue with you & I 'm glad you are working on it & being successful at realizing it.....which is what you did there.

It is important to realize that we are valuable! No matter what we do one way of the other.....we are of value. It stinks when people make you feel that everything you do is wrong because that is their view of it & you have to really sort through I determine if what you did was really wrong or not.

I posted about criticism in one post & there are 2 kinds of criticism that we have to deal with all the time.....the criticism which is based of facts & which we can use to help improve ourselves, but we also have to be equally aware of the criticism that comes with now basis or facts....where it's just the person being a jerk. It takes time to realize the difference & be able to base our actions on.....but I have realized over the years that I don't react until I have determined which criticism I am dealing with & if it's something I value to listen to or not. That way, the other persons problems have less chance of effecting you.

Hope you continue on the path you are on...sounds like you are taking back control of your self-esteme,
Debbie

(((BIIV))). This is wonderful news to hear regarding you and the situation with your boss. Take care and best wishes. Soidhonia

thanks debbie. you surprised me a bit by saying self-esteem sounds like a huge issue with me. i hadnt thought of it that way but i guess so. i wish my T was here so i could tell her. i miss her. sigh. anyway. i would never ever consider myself as valuable in a job but i did get a small hint today that maybe some of the things i do could be a little valuable sometimes. i was doing some typing for my boss and he said something about trusting my typing so much he wasnt going to bother proofing it. typing for him isnt even supposed to be in my job description but wohoo!
you re totally right about the two types of criticism alright. i have a really hard time sometimes telling the difference though. i doubt myself and my perceptions so much and other times im so used to thinking/doing something i dont even consider it could be wrong. its something i really need to get better at. i find bouncing things off someone else often helps though. like my T though she keeps refusing to give opinions on things! humph! lol.
thanks for you feed-back debbie. much appreciated.

thanks soidhonia ((((((((((((soidhonia)))))))))))))) im enjoying work on balance so far. hope i can keep this up now!