[randomuser101]

I had the chance to go to a concert last year. I won front row seats. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and it should have been one of the most exciting nights of my life. The concert was one of my all-time favorite singers. She rarely does concerts and it could very well be my last opportunity to ever see her live (as she is getting quite old).

Unfortunately, what should have been one of the most thrilling nights of my life was not that. I go through periods where I obsess about things and feel ashamed about myself, and it was one of those times. It makes it very hard for me to enjoy things. I remember watching the concert, feeling sad as I was watching it, that I was disconnected. I ended up leaving with this feeling that I hadn't really gotten the experience that I should have.

This has happened with plenty of other events before, but never with an artist that I had connected with and idolized for so long. Now, it's over one year later, and I still think about that night all the time. When I listen to her music, I think about it, and even when I don't, I still think about it. I feel sad and angry that I didn't enjoy it like I wanted to. Then I realize how ridiculous it is that I'm upset about a concert from a year ago, because I didn't enjoy it enough. I should be grateful that I even got to go, that I got free front row seats! But what's the point if you don't really even have that much fun.

I'm afraid that this is what I have in store for my life. Struggling to enjoy things, then living in constant regret. Even as I write this and read it, I see how frivolous the whole thing sounds. But I can't control how I feel, how my mind obsesses. It's probably related to some OCD tendencies that I think I have. In any event, I just want to stop living in regret. Anyone else have similar experiences?

I kind of get this. There are things I was once passionate about and circumstances meant I couldn't participate for several years. I grieved deeply the fact it was beyond my control and may not ever do them again. An opportunity arose this past summer to do one of these activities. i just wasn't in the mind space to get excited about doing so and allowed the chance to lapse. I have been beating myself up since. It was after all a past time that once defined the very person I once was.

I look all the more now to those things I have since come to enjoy and realise I have been transformed.

Perhaps you yourself have grown to redefine the person you are. Are there things in your life that could potentially be new avenues for devotion? Are there things in your life you have not realised have been there as interests all this time? Maybe you have changed and you have just not noticed what may be positive.

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by randomuser101

...what's the point if you don't really even have that much fun.

I'm afraid that this is what I have in store for my life. Struggling to enjoy things, then living in constant regret...

I deal with the same kind of thing every day. I can still do some of the things I used to enjoy the most, but now without actually enjoying them in the same kinds of ways or as much as I had in the past. Some of that is circumstantial as driven by my age and some disabilities, but "the point" in my still doing whatever I can is driven by the fact of there being nothing at all enjoyable about doing nothing.

When I was severely depressed three years ago, I had a really hard time enjoying music that I once enjoyed. That went on for months, and I was truly surprised since music is my greatest passion.

Thing is, you cannot control how you feel sometimes, and sometimes emotions can get in the way of what is supposed to be a good time.

I find that acceptance of my emotions as they come is key... they may arrive at inopportune times, and I try to put them aside so I can enjoy the moment.

The fact that you were at this concert, in the front row, yet feeling something different is simply something to accept about that moment --- you were there, and you appreciate the fact that you had the chance to see her live.

To live in regret is a heavy burden indeed..... I understand it fully, but try not to regret not enjoying it to the fullest. At least you had the chance to be there. As you said, be grateful for the experience.. it is one to appreciate, even if it wasn't everything you had hoped it would be for you. Life is like that, something we need to learn how to accept. Once we learn that life is not always as we hope it will be, we can be much happier and accepting of what is. ((((Hugs)))))

[Sunflower123]

Have you considered being evaluated by a psychiatrist to rule everything out? You may have something going on.

[magicalprince]

Sounds like you have a melancholic temperament. Think of how many moments you didn't enjoy while thinking of the moment you didn't enjoy!

These ideas about yourself are not getting you anywhere--tune into your urges and instincts. Feel the presence of your body and your environment and just let it be as it is. You need to let go of the idea of how this moment should be and accept it in all of its rich complexity. There is only one moment: now. only you as you are right now. Not you as you were, or you as you're going to be. Just you, now. And the you that lives in this moment is more exciting and has more potential to be happy than the you of any other moment.