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Old Jul 08, 2004, 02:39 PM
hermione2 hermione2 is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2004
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Hey everyone. I'm new to the forum. This is my first post. I'm looking for a place where people can help me figure out some things.

My boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago, and I'm very down in the dumps lately... mainly because I feel our break up was unfair. His mother forced us to break up. (We're in college. I'm 22, he's 20, and his mother is still controlling his life). He has been counseled several times to leave home, but he just won't. I see a lot of signs in him that he has Adult Attachment Disorder.

Here's some info about him: All through our relationship (over a year), he suppressed his feelings, was afraid of affection and intimacy, and kept everything inside. He never talked about any problems or anything. The day he broke up with me, our relationship had been doing really well. We had a great day that day... we went to the movies, and went shopping together and had an all around great day. We were on our way home, and he wouldn't talk much. I asked him what was up. He kept acting weird, so I said, jokingly, "You're acting really weird. You act like you're gonna break up with me or something." He wouldn't even look at me, and he said, "Yeah I guess I am." Strange?

His parents haven't had a happy marriage for 20 years. They sleep in separate bedrooms. They haven't had marital relations in over 15 years. They control their children and try to make them feel guilty for leaving home. They also have a 23-year-old who still lives at home. Their 25-year-old stays there almost every weekend. I think that they are afraid of their children moving out because they would have to face living alone together or divorce. They have tedious rules for their adult children including what time they have to be home, how much time they have to spend at home, who they can see, who they can't, what they can do in their spare time, how much money they spend, etc. It's insane! They baby them as well. My ex is the youngest, so obviously he got babied the most. He is 20 and doesn't even know how to write out a check because his mother has done everything for him his entire life.

Anyone have any suggestions as to what is wrong with this family? I want them to seek help. I want to go to them lovingly and tell them the concerns I have and suggest to them that they seek professional help. I just don't know which types of things to take to them. I think my ex has Adult Attachment Disorder. I think his parents have some kinds of disorders, I just don't know what!! Help!!!

Hermione


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  #2  
Old Jul 08, 2004, 04:30 PM
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krzyk101 krzyk101 is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2003
Location: INDIANA, USA
Posts: 924


Welcome Hermione2 these forums are for just that support and there are many nice people who have alot of good advice.

I myself do not know what Adult Attachment Disorder is or what it does, as I am not a professional though have had relationship troubles and do have problems.

I am sorry for your break up with your boyfriend and and that you must be hurting. It sounds as if this issue with your ex and his family is pretty much something that has been going on for along time. Though as difficult as it may seem, there may not be any way to convince the entire family to get professional help, however if you are to come in contact or see you ex again I would encourage that he get counseling.

Though his mother is calling the shots, he is still an adult and free to leave at any time only doesn't seem like that is in his mind frame. I would say that the best thing if you were to get back together is for him to get help to get the courage to feel independant and feel he CAN leave home and that it is an option for him.

If he is not willing to get help or feels there is not a problem, then I would say as hard as it may be, to look for someone who is more 'grown up' and independant. In a way if he doesn't change, and you do get back together it seems as to look like an uphill struggle complicated relationship with uncertain future for you.

I wish you the best and don't forget to take care of the most important person involved in this YOU! Love yourself and be good to yourself.

God Bless

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Adult Attachment Disorder ~KRIS~

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!
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  #3  
Old Jul 08, 2004, 07:07 PM
mizzy mizzy is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2004
Location: somewhere in pennsynvania
Posts: 46
Hello, Welcome to the forums i was excited reading your post because i married a man who's family is similair to your boyfriends
Truth be told his mother will never let go until you tell her to
If he couldnt stand up for and love and respect you inspite of his mother's antics, then it is best for him to remain suckin mommies titties until his teeth falls out. In my husbands case while he was away at college he found me, he is 30 yrsold and i am his first girlfriend ( his first everything) his mother expected him to come home after his years of schooling even after he recieved his PHD, but we fell in love and to her surprise and anger we wanted to get married
My husband was so babied that we would never have married because of his mother. The fact that we live in different states is why we are together. He got away from her and thats what the solution would have been for your beloved. If he comes back to you... give him another chance... these type of men need to know that its ok to make you the ##1 top gun woman in there life.
<font color=red> Be Frank Not Mizzy </font color=red>

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