[Lexi232]

OK, first i'm not sure if this is the right place to post this... I'm sorry if it isn't...

Second... I dont know what's wrong... lately (the past few days) I've not only been having these REALLY strange dreams, but during the day off and on, I feel like i'm in a dream... and I sometimes feels like a lucid dream.. you know how you can change things and stuff.. just by thinking it.. and I'm paranoid about thinking about something and then it's gonna change.. so I refrain from it... but then I also get to where i'm thinking "maybe i'm dead.. maybe i'm a ghost that just is repeating the same routine not realizing that i'm actually dead.. and that maybe I'm just really in my own mind" BUT I'M SO CONFUSED!!! I've never had anything like this happen before (only IN dreams) and I keep tellng myself this isn't a dream.. but I dont really know... it might be just one really long creepy one...

[silver_queen]

I think I know what you mean, I get it sometimes in brief moments when I think, 'Am I dead really? Is this world real or am I imagining it all?' etc. I think of it as being 'crazy-making', as in it destabilises sense of self and leads to doubting your own sanity.

You say you've been having weird dreams at night but you haven't detailed them, what happens in them?

Has anything changed in your life recently? This can produce weird dreams. Are you sleeping properly?

[Lexi232]

Thanks for responding. ^_^

And.... the first weird dream was a few days ago (btw, no my sleep is horrible but that's normal for me i guess), anyways It was of me in the past... I got super sad and depressed as I watched everyone cross the stage to graduate.. I was in a cap and gown but I was never called up, then at the end they were like "oh i forgot here's yours" and left.. but I was so sad, and i wanted it so much (a feel that i've only gotten in one other instance... moving to another state and leaving my best friends behind... for a very long time I longed deadly to see them..) and then right before I woke up, I heard our clock dinging, and it only does a certain ding for each hour, and that's the dinging I had in my dream... but i woke up in the middle of it, to a silent room, and then right as I noticed it was silent I heard the clock sound off in that same ding...
But in reality I didn't go on the graduation stage, when I went into the hospital the last time it messed with my grades and such and it took until August for me to get my diploma.. but i'm not sad about the going up on stage.. (Oh! and in the dream i was like "This was my one and only chance and blew it!")
Anyways, now that I type it up it doesn't sound that weird, but there were many feelings in that dream and alot of it was... awkward looking.. (like smoke, and things floating around and stuff)

um... i still dont feel satisfied with how i explained how i feel.. T_T I hate when that happens and i can't think of a better way to explain it.

Well, nothing really has happend, but then again I can't say when something happens in my life... Unless its point blank I never seem to know.. just like when I was in the hospital earlier this year they'd be like "why?" and i'd be like "I dont know why i feel the way I do" and i became depressed just over raddling my brain over and over on why... and I never did find out why yet...

You know that bad feeling you get when you wake up from a bad dream? not just the fright, but.... a weird feeling.. (sorry that i can't explain it more), but that's what i'm feeling.... most of the day....

[silver_queen]

ok...

well from the graduation thing, going off dreams are supposed to be representing what is happening in the sub-conscious (which may or may not be true, but which seems accurate most of the time) i'd say that in some way you regret not being able to go and get your diploma with everyone else... even if you're shy and don't like being in front of everyone, there is still the shame of being behind your classmates.

And as for the clock sound... i don't know what time of day your clock makes that particular sound at, but perhaps you associated your graduation with a particular time (say 3 o'clock) and then you woke just before 3 and then your clock rang the hour. so it would just be pure coincidence then but it would look related, wouldn't it?

yeah, answering a question of 'why' can not always be answered, even though it sounds so simple... sometimes 'why' something happened doesn't matter all that much anyway, it's more what can be done about it now (depending on the circumstances).

As for the feeling... you mean like a feeling of vague unease and like you are slightly different and singled out due to have a weird dream, and like something might happen? Or something else?

[Lexi232]

Exactly that feeling....

and.. hmm... graduation was from 1 to 3... and it was three when i woke up from the dream...

[Lexi232]

@_@
just a little bit ago I was sitting there and I heard people, but no one was out side.. it was screaming people and though i think this is impossible I still thought they were my parents, and i was really in the hospital, uncouncious and they were crying for me to wake up.. then i kinda zoned out and came back in thinking "i'm ...dead..." over and over until i was like "O.O what am i saying?!" and then stoped... and to make things worst my arm was hurting and i was convinced that it was the needle they had in me from the hospital (I wasn't asleep.. so i couldn't be dreaming in sleep... this is just one of the things in detail that's happening through the day today..)

[silver_queen]

Maybe your last 'episode' is some kind of flashback? Especially since your arm was hurting...

[Perna]

When I get confused about whether something is real or not I ground myself; grab hold of the chair I'm sitting on and feel the fabric or go out into the front yard and watch the cars go by on the street or the squirrels/birds and use as many of my senses as I can so I know it is real. You can't do that in a dream, even a lucid one. I get grounded and then go do a "chore" like dishes, laundry, straighten up some corner of my pigsty :-) A change that I instigate and am in charge of usually gets me clear of any weird feelings of being controlled by someone/something else.

[Lexi232]

hmm... I dont think i've ever really been in a hospital before... that is very possible though.. (i mean like medical hosptail (i've been in PLENTY of mental hospitals)

^_^ and i'll try that grounding thing. Thanks ^_^

[Labyssum]

Wow, I can really relate. I always feel like I'm dreaming, and a big fear of mine is that I am dead, and repeating my life over and over.

I thought a lot like that when I was really sick with schizophrenia too...Not fun. T_T.