Ive always had thoughts of harming someone who hurts me or others, such as a person who has treated me bad or has been cruel to a child or animal. But recently I've felt this way about people who have committed more trivial offenses. The other day a bus driver raised her upper lip at me and looked at me like she's never seen a human being before. People treat me this way a lot due to my size and that I look a lot younger than I am.

Possible trigger:

anyway, I kept replaying a scenario in my head where I knock her teeth down her throat and kick her out the window and stomp on her face.

These thoughts calm me down in the moment and make me feel less hurt by th actions of others, but at the same time I feel extremely guilty about it. Because I know that most people don't DESERVE that. I also am 100% sure that I would never act on those feelings. Not only am I too shy to even speak half the time, I'm also aware that I'm not physically strong enough to take anyone. And, most importantly, I know that it would be wrong.

So it's a paradox because the thoughts mask the other emotions but then I feel like crap for having them. I'm afraid discuss this with my therapist or any other professional because I know that they have to be "safe than sorry" and will act under the presumption that I'm a violent person , which I'm not. There's a difference between thoughts and intentions. But clearly they don't see the difference,because one of the things my T had to report is thoughts of harming others.

So how can I get these out of my head?

I've had these thoughts too and have never acted on them. I've never worked to get rid of mine. I find they help me work through feelings and when they come they are purposeful. I don't know if this helps, but you're not alone.

[winter loneliness]

I have those thoughts as well.They happen when I am rushed, stressed and in a bad mood.

Physical violence is often anger being acted upon. So the question also is, how to deal with your anger in healthy ways that does not involved imagining physical violence towards another. I don't have the answer because I do not have these tendencies myself. Perhaps you can look online and read up on the topic?

Do you have a mental healthcare worker that knows about this?

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Do you have a mental healthcare worker that knows about this?

Like I said , I'm not comfortable telling any professional because they'll think this means I'm a danger. I'm not actually GOING to hurt anyone but they would have to act under that assumption. One time I told my T I was going to "kill" my friend ...you know how people say that as a figure of speech. I had to reassure her over and over that I did not actually want to kill anyone.

I understand why they have to take those precautions but again I would never lay a hand on someone.

[seesaw]

I wrote a whole story about killing and dismembering one of my former bosses. It made me feel better about the mistreatment, and eventually the desire to do harm went away as I got further from the incident.

I think we all, at one point or another, want to hurt someone who hurts us. We have to learn to cope with those feelings. Sometimes kickboxing, going for a run, painting, or even indulging in the fantasy to the point where you write a story or draw a picture of it can be therapeutic.

Seesaw

[nikon]

i can relate - i have very violent fantasies when i feel angry. i seem to go through periods when i am intensely angry and have these fantasies, and then periods when i rarely get angry, and don't have them. so i think it might help to check how angry you are feeling generally, or if you have old anger about anything in your past, and maybe see how that might be coming out in violent thoughts towards people now.

i also have not told my therapist or dr the extent of my thoughts, for the same reason. one time when i was in an inpatient setting, but not a psych ward, i told someone about a fantasy i had in more detail, and was immediately made to leave because of being a danger to the other patients. so - although the sensible advice is always to talk about these things to someone you trust, the mental health field does not provide a healthy atmosphere or space in which to do this when it comes to thoughts like these.

[TishaBuv]

I’ve had violent fantasies. It makes me feel like I must be an evil person for even thinking those kinds of things. But, I have no intent and would never act on them. And I don’t think I am evil for my thoughts. We all have evil thoughts. Having those thoughts makes us feel some power when we are powerless, and makes us feel better. Just don’t act on the thoughts and don’t take it further than just thoughts.

[Onward2wards]

Let's face it, the world has more than its fair share of jerks and outright "scumbags". It'd be delusional to say it doesn't imo, and I believe it is NOT helpful to judge ourselves or anyone for feeling fed up with ongoing bad behavior, gross injustice, cruelty, etc.

However, what can we do about it?
* Learning to be assertive in productive ways
* Setting better boundaries
* Having the courage to live by our values
* Volunteering or other activities that make the world better and give us a sense of meaning, competency and accomplishment. (But, it has to be some kind of service that makes sense to us personally, not just random "being nice" because someone else says so).

I have trouble with this too. I utterly despise cruelty, bullying behavior, and people acting in a condescending or domineering manner, for example. My problem is, I put up with this nonsense too much and then bottle up my feelings about it due to fear. PLEASE, everyone, do not do that!!

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by nikon

i can relate - i have very violent fantasies when i feel angry. i seem to go through periods when i am intensely angry and have these fantasies, and then periods when i rarely get angry, and don't have them. so i think it might help to check how angry you are feeling generally, or if you have old anger about anything in your past, and maybe see how that might be coming out in violent thoughts towards people now.

i also have not told my therapist or dr the extent of my thoughts, for the same reason. one time when i was in an inpatient setting, but not a psych ward, i told someone about a fantasy i had in more detail, and was immediately made to leave because of being a danger to the other patients. so - although the sensible advice is always to talk about these things to someone you trust, the mental health field does not provide a healthy atmosphere or space in which to do this when it comes to thoughts like these.

So, I did tell my therapist that I had violent fantasies about harming this person. And he asked me if I would act on them. I said no, because I recognized the consequences of those actions. And he deemed that because I could discern that there would be consequences, like going to prison, he deemed it was just a healthy outlet for the stress I felt.

But hospitals need to get better questions about whether or not you're a harm to others. Because I had an intake question about whether or not I had thought about harming someone else. And yes, I had. But that's not enough to determine if someone is a danger to the community. They also have to be willing to act on those impulses and not care about the consequences. Yes, I wanted to harm my boss because of what he did, but I also knew it was wrong. Knew I would go to jail, and knew it would harm is family, and knew it was just plain wrong. So no, I wasn't a danger. But their intake questions don't ask that and don't discern that.

We all have desires to harm other people. Someone cuts you off in traffic and you just want to ram their fender...if only for a second. Someone spews hate speech and you would like to see them punched...the real question is how likely is the person to act on it.

It seems to me we get policed lately just for our thoughts...and if Tom Cruise has taught us anything, that is wrong. (See Minority Report.)

I also wanted to add, I think for the most part, even with MI, actions are a choice. If we let people use their illness as an excuse it not only allows them to get away with doing wrong but also harms everyone else who may have these thoughts, yet makes the choice not to act on them.

I think the exception is someone who is delusional and does NOT know right from wrong. But they won't be able to say "I'm having these thoughts but I know better than to act on them." There's a big difference, it's not hard to figure out.

There is nothing wrong with the thoughts you have Anna, they are merely thoughts and won't hurt anyone. What matters is that you don't act upon them. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, and I imagine these thoughts of yours will remain just that - thoughts.

If you try to force them out of your head though, they will come back stronger. That is like if I told you "DON'T THINK OF PINK ELEPHANTS. WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T IMAGINE PINK ELEPHANTS". Well, I imagine at least a quick image of a pink elephant came up. Trying to avoid the thoughts or push them away is the worst thing you can do.

What I learned through exposure therapy with my OCD intrusive thoughts is that a thought is a thought. I used to do meditations with my old therapist where he would have me do deep breathing while allowing all my thoughts to flow by like a river. Just notice them as they happen, but don't judge them. They are merely thoughts. At first this may be difficult but over time it gets easier, and the brain learns not to freak out about it.

[continuosly blue]

I’ve had intrusive thoughts my whole life. At first , when I was very young I was like “ where the heck is this coming from “ ? It bothered me very much.
I felt ashamed and scared. Then , like was said, I realized that they were just
that , thoughts. I think this is a way for your mind to cope with certain things in reality that you can’t , and shouldn’t make real. Just like dreams. Fantasy’s are just that , wish fulfillment unfulfilled. Like was said , let them pass away like a cloud in the wind. I’m not trying to get Freudian here but I think he had that part right. By themselves they are nothing real. It’s what you do with them that is real. Use them in a positive way. They may help you know what you need to do to BETTER yourself in some way.
Bottom line , you are far from alone.