[Anonymous37919]

So, I'm finally moving into a flat soon. I had to place bids online for a long time. I signed the lease about a month ago, but my old man has been there decorating it. There was no furniture or appliances, so things had to be supplied, and I have to get a smart meter installed at some point. I've yet to hire a moving van to get my things there, but that will probably have to be after the new year now.

Anyway, when I met this housing officer to go and view the flat the other month there, he had this other guy with him, and the officer admitted that he knows my social worker, as it's one of the first things he mentioned when he saw me. My mother arrived to view the property too. Both my social worker and the council know about my past woes. I've not heard from my social worker in ages, but I was fairly vocal with the guy I spoke to about how useless I thought my social worker had been (after he jerked me off a fair amount of times). This housing officer just seemed a bit too...nice, if you want to put it that way. I'm all for giving people the benefit of the doubt, but I cannot help but think there's something "ulterior" about all this. I've kind of got a criminal record that suggests I abused women, even though I never sexually harmed anybody. It was more like inappropriate insults, fueled by my anger, over feeling betrayed. Plus, I've got mild autism.

Basically, I don't know if you remember me mentioning this stuff before, but I often talked about wanting to do film work in many of my previous topics, like as an extra, and he wouldn't supply workers to go with me to movie sets, calling it a waste of their money. I've had a hard time doing social activities in general, however, as I have acute anxiety and there is currently nobody in a professional capacity to help at the moment (my older friend is vastly unreliable, and socially inept). I've had to give up on several workers before, as they were not helpful, and I think they function as stool pigeons. It was kind of agreed that I'd only have men supporting me, although social services know not to provide females anyway.

The guy was talking about trying to get me limited support. But not for acting. Although, I cannot help but think that they just want to probe into my business, because of charges to do with my former support staff. They will know I was in supported accommodation over 3 years ago, too, and the reasons why I was removed. Being that I'd be there in this new flat alone, I think they want to go fishing. They talked about sending somebody around to see how I'm getting settled in. Well, I know that these kind of people aren't trustworthy, and they may blab behind my back. They're actually working in the same building as my social worker, just in a different department. The building is just up the road from me as well. My mother said to me that, now that I'm aware they report things to one another, I should know not to be too open with them.

In addition to this, the flat is high rise and there's a concierge office too, with CCTV. I'm only on the second floor. Could it be that they intentionally offered me that flat because they believe they can keep a watchful eye on me? There's not that many flats I know of that have watchmen on duty either. Again, I may just be getting paranoid, or feeling suspicious over what could ultimately be nothing. However, I've kind of learned not to rule out these aspects, having been hurt so many times before. Because I have a record (although I'd argue whether I deserved any of this), they may want to monitor me. What do you reckon is the case?

Happy holidays, everyone!

Good morning Peter.

The holidays are a stressful time even with supports in place. They are difficult to endure when we are alone. I think it would be fair to say that during such times we have a tendancy to focus on the negatives we are facing and either forget or disregard the positive.

I think it positive you have a new place to call your own. With regards to the concierge, know that in no way is it their responsibility to spy on anyone. In fact, people entering such employment I believe would have been vetted out for being the type to do so. No, they are there instead to be of assistance. I say take advantage of that. Develop a working relationship with this individual. You may in turn come to feel the opposite - that they are there to be helpful to you. You may eventually come to the realisation that their presence offers you a degree of security.

I have a question for you on another matter. I am getting the impression you feel your worker(s) are bound to go with you to auditions, etc. This doesn't seem quite right to me. I have the idea that they would be limited to supporting and attending those matters that pertain to your day-to-day living needs.

[*Laurie*]

Hi Peter, Congratulations on getting the flat! That said, I'm going to be quite frank. What I believe is that your mental illness is leading you to feel paranoid.

[Anonymous37919]

Well, I liked some of my old support workers, but many of the workers I met didn't have a clue about autism. Even for the ones I did enjoy working with, they eventually moved on. You cannot get too attached to support workers. It's easier said than done, as clients of support services may feel lonely, and you kind of gain a special bond with them. However, it's really just a job to them at the end of the day, and they have lives of their own that doesn't include current or former clients. They're not even really allowed to contact any current or previous clients through social media, even after they depart from these type of agencies.

Once, I even had some guy abusing me, who was a support worker. He was one of the first people I worked with, nearly 10 years ago. When I was looking for this ex-girlfriend I met a long time ago, this male worker sent me emails using a pseudonym, because he knew I was putting ads about her online. My first key worker told him that I kept harping on about wanting to get back with her. It consumed me. However, I did get back with her eventually, and boy, how I wish she had stayed in the past!

It got worse. He started putting his real name in the messages, and he confessed it was him. He initially replied from the ads, but he created a real email address with a fake name to bait me into replying. He knew other trolls on the Internet were driving me nuts, because my key worker updated him about all that junk as well, so he did the same things they did, which is really sad. Many of the emails he sent to me were very tasteless. There were a lot of emails about what '80s bands I am into. He also said derogatory things about a dead WWE star called Eddie Guerrero a few times, which I didn't appreciate.

I'm not sure why he abused me like that. He was actually an okay sort of guy in general, but once he was drinking alcohol during a shift, and when I asked him what it was he had stashed away in his jacket, he said it was "Russian Water." However, I know that nobody is perfect, and you get good and bad people everywhere. It was very inappropriate, so I sincerely hope he isn't working as a caregiver anymore. I'm sure he probably still is, as I heard stuff about him ages ago from other people that thought he was an angel, but that's all in the past now.

To be honest, I liked those old posts by Luna (with a period) on here. I assume this is a girl's name. Luna once posted on here and said that if I want to be in a relationship with a woman, I should find a woman who has the same condition that I do, as ordinary women won't care for somebody like me, due to my quirks. That's definitely true. One thing I hate about life is that just about every woman I do take a fancy to, ends up being reserved. Either that, or there are professional boundaries.

Hopefully, I'll find that perfect male support worker someday soon, who will like working with me just as much as I will perhaps like working with him.