Not sure what to do

Hi everyone! I'm not sure if this is the proper place to post this, but I really need someone to talk to. So if this is in the wrong place I'm really sorry. Today my 31 year old brother who lives at home with my mom and I went to the hospital against his will. My mother and I were advised by his doctor's office to call 911 after my mom found him lying on the back porch. The porch was a mess and my brother was slurring his words and he couldn't talk straight. He is on meds because he got back surgery last month. Little did we know that he was also on meds for bi-polar disorder and/or depression. He has had episodes in the pass with not being able to take his meds for depression, but this time he apparently took almost all of his pills that were prescribed not that long ago. The doctors think he might have had a stroke, but we're not sure yet. The problem is my brother has had moments in the past where he was sent to the hospital and put into rehab for mental issues, but he never really talks about it and he seems to always be in a circle with this. I feel guilty because I'm so stressed out I'm just fed up with him. Neither my mother nor I know what to do with him. Now he is mad because he is in the hospital and I always feel like he is always mad at somebody. I know he is sick, but I can't take care of him. I'm his younger sister and sometimes he acts like I'm his only friend. I have problems of my own that I'm trying to deal with right now (I got laid off, I've been searching for a good job for two years now, I can't pay my student loans, stuck living at home) and feel like this is finally pushing me over the edge. I want to see a therapist, but I don't have insurance and I'm scared I'm going to be put on meds. At first I was scared that my brother was going to be angry, but now I'm angry that he is angry at my mom. I feel like I could go into his hospital room and just scream at him to grow up! I can't take care of him anymore! But I know that he is not well and I just want to run away and start a new life. I haven't the slightest idea what to do anymore.

(((hugs))) You certainly are carrying a lot of stressful issues. You brother just might be angry at everything and nothing in particular (except those ppl or things that find his focus.) He's in a safe place for the time being, and it appears it's just what everyone needs.

I think you and your mom are doing the right thing. From here, she needs to speak with the doctors who are treating him and see how she should go about managing the meds better for him? They should be the ones to tell you the next step, and the one after, for your brother.

I'm sorry that you feel such a burden to be your brother's keeper. I think your desire to see a therapist is a good one. I don't know where you live (or even what country) but surely there are clinics or opportunities to see someone to talk to nearby?

Not everyone is put on meds because they are having difficulty dealing with difficult situations. Plus, you have the right to decide not to try meds anyway. Talk therapy is quite effective in helping most ppl with stressors.

I think first you do need to do some self care. Try and not take on the guilt of not being what you think your brother expects. I know you know that screaming at him to grow up isn't really a solution. People with mental health issues wouldn't be that way if it was under their control. Just like you are now feeling the stress of this situation, you are doing your best, right? Maybe your brother is doing his best too, with whatever malady he has?

There are thousands of ppl who can't pay their student loans right now. I doubt this is a permanent situation. How much contact have you have with those who collect the monies? Avoiding them will only add to your stress, I think.

You don't have to run away, but you do need some relief, imo. It's okay for you to go out for a day and just be yourself, and not be worrying about or taking care of things about your brother. Do you have any hobbies or activities you enjoy? Can you go to a movie? The library?

Can you see a counselor at the college you went to? Even if you don't go there anymore (I don't know if you do) you should be able to contact them. They have great resources for students and such that have so much on their plate.

Do good self care. Once you're feeling in control of your own world, you will then be able to decide what kind of a sister you can be for him, ok?

TC

Thanks for the reply, it means a lot. I actually thought about going to a movie, but I couldn't find anything good, lol. Unfortunately my college was in another country. Right now my mom went back to the hospital to see what is up so I'm just waiting for that. I just hope he is okay, but I have the feeling he won't listen to anyone but himself. Which is horribly frustrating. I always seem to take on everyone elses worries with my own and it can be overbearing. Hopefully, I'll be able to take care of myself better and not worry about everyone else that I have no control over. Thanks for your advice.

Certainly.

You can take care of yourself. You can. But I think you first have to work through whatever guilt is being placed on you (directly or familiarly) saying you are selfish if you take time for yourself and your own best interest. You aren't being selfish if you do that, you are doing good self care, and that will allow you to help more in the future.

(((hugs)))

Hi Music. I don't know where you are either, but did you know that there is an organization that helps people who are mentally ill and their families? There are local chapters so you can get support from people in your own community. If you aren't in the U.S., someone might be able to suggest a similar resource where you are. I'm thinking of the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (Nami). http://www.nami.org/ There is informaton on their website that will tell you more.

I agree that getting counseling for yourself is most likely a good idea. It is very stressful to feel responsible for taking care of someone who doesn't take care of themself. Counseling can help you to manage your stress and take care of yourself, as well as be better able to help them and to set limits and boundaries. I hope that you will keep coming back and talking to us here too.

A big thank you to everyone that has replied so far! It really means a lot to me to be able to post here. I've never really had an outlet for this before. My family doesn't really talk much. I'm going to send out an email to NAMI to see what I can do with them. Right now my brother is back home. He didn't have a stroke, thank goodness, but he seems really out of it. He is in a terrible amount of pain from his back surgery and I'm not sure whether that pain is real or psychological. He can't find his meds for the pain and I think he thinks my mother hid them or something, but we don't even know where they are. I'm scared that he is becoming paranoid like he did once before. That ended in the neighbors calling the cops on him and he was sent to a clinic for a month. It wasn't a good time and I fear it is going to happen again, but I don't know if I can stop it. I still feel angry at him, which is new because usually I just get really upset. I guess I'm at the end of my rope with this. But I know he is in a lot of pain and can't be held responsible for a lot of what he says or does, but that doesn't make it any easier. I was wondering through NAMI if they have those meetings for people that are related to people that have addictions or other problems? I have a friend of a friend who goes to those to deal with her mother's drug addiction, but I don't exactly remember what it is called. I'm sure someone must know what I'm talking about. Thanks again.