[Queentit]

I've looked through all the forums and this seems like the only appropriate place for me to ask my question, but I apologize if I should have posted it elsewhere.
I’m a 29 year old; I have my degree in psychology. I’m hoping for some insight on why I might be having the thoughts and feelings that I do about my own physical appearance. I've had mental health professionals tell me that finding the etiology of this problem isn't as important as treating it moving forward, but I can't help but feel that there might be a key in my past that will help unlock the solution.
Although I don’t talk about it, I am inwardly obsessed with the idea of people finding me attractive. I understand that a lot of women probably feel this way, as we’ve had the importance of beauty bombarding us from all sides as we’ve grown up. But I believe that my thoughts and feelings are much stronger, more intense, and probably abnormal in many ways.
I’ve been both bulimic and anorexic on and off since I was 15. I’m aware of the general understanding that eating disorders are often about control. I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on why I have the issues with food that I do, and I’m positive that for me, it’s not about control but solely about wanting to be physically desirable.
I often go through phases where I obsess about getting plastic surgery. I’ve gone so far as to meet with a plastic surgeon and to look into taking out a loan for surgery, but my husband wasn’t in support of the idea and in the end, I’m not desperate enough about it to put us into debt over this desire.
The ONLY thing that turns me on sexually, is to be complimented on my physicality. If a stranger online compliments me, I’m instantly horny. I’m a staunch feminist, and I wouldn’t say this in any other forum as I believe that it would minimize the more important voices of woman who feel threatened by it, but I love being cat called.
I don’t care at all if people compliment my intelligence or sense of humor. It even feels like an insult when they do because I’d prefer them to be complimenting my appearance in some way.
While at one point in my life I was definitely consumed by self-hatred, I don’t feel that way anymore. On most days I feel pretty neutral about my appearance. I just have this deep, deep seated yearning to be praised for my physical beauty. It seems like the only thing that really satisfies me or makes me feel (what feels like genuine) happiness.
Developmentally, I'm wondering if anyone could give me ideas on what could have happened to me to make me this way? It's been suggested to me many times that I have been sexually abused at a young age but I have no recollection of that. I wonder if there might be something in the way I was raised or a certain type of attachment style of parenting that might have led to this? Or really ANY ideas would be greatly appreciated.

(Sidenote: I've also had four major depressive episodes in my live, struggle with anxiety and panic attacks, and have also use self harm as a coping mechanism in the past.)

[Skeezyks]

Hello Queentit: I'm sorry I cannot be of any assistance with this. (I also searched through PsychCentral's archives to see if I could find something that would address your concerns, but I at least did not find anything.) Hopefully some other members will have some insights they can share. In the meantime, however, I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I don't know, of course, if you're here simply seeking advice with regard to this particular concern or if you plan to hang in here with us. (We certainly hope you do!) Should you be planning to continue on... may I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!

Welcome to PC!

So the questions I would ask you are: did your mother place a lot of importance on physical beauty or her own appearance? Or your father? Were you ever praised as a child for your inner qualities or your accomplishments?

If you did not receive much validation as a child, you may have developed the need to be validated in other ways, ie, physically.

That is my most educated guess.

I hope you are seeing a professional about this now? What you will need to work on is developing self-validation tactics for your inner qualities, and developing greater self-love from within. Beauty fades, so relying on this alone for validation and also sexual arousal will wear thin.

((((hugs))))

[eskielover]

Hard to relate as I grew up a tom boy & looking attractive was not high on my list of priorities.

I also struggled with anorexia after the age of 42. For me it was a control issue & also it was a reaction to stress & a desire to just die. No longer in that place thank heavens.

I think what really turned me off to all the womens activities to make ones self attractive was my grandmother being totally petty about how one plucks eyebrows. Dang if I cared. I spent all my time studying & practicing my flute, I just didnt have time to even mess with make-up because I was always running late for everywhere I went. If I messed with makeup I would have not bothered to go anywhere.

It was impractical to wear makeup to work because I played hard games ir racquetball at lunch & sweating just gave me black eyes if I messed with makeup & no time before going back to work to clean up a makeup mess & put ut back on. I came to terms with the priorities in my own life if anyone asked.

But that is the key....our own priorities & values. Is either really wrong or is it just right for each of us as individuals?

[newday2020]

I can relate to you. If you look up emotional neglect you may find some answers. I was like an empty pretty shell.didnt have a strong self. Came from a dysfunctional family that didn't do feelings.mother said I was a good baby cause I didn't cause her any trouble
People projected on me all the time. One teacher said he hoped I would find myself
I finally did. I'm 67. God bless yourrestoration.