[Albatross2008]

And doesn't it downright tick you off when it happens?

Because I have depression and anxiety, people tend to automatically assume:

* I can't deal. Put me in a new experience, or there is bad news, or whatever, and they automatically think I'm going to freak out and not be able to handle it. This is why I couldn't find anybody to teach me to drive until I was in my 40's.

* I'm not very intelligent. This I usually get from social workers. I'm given some bit of basic information and then immediately after they say it, "Here, let me write it down for you." Surprise, not only am I capable of remembering it, but if I had any doubt, I'm also capable of writing!

* I never have physical illness. If I think I do, it's all it my head. No, if I'm having stomach cramps, it's got to be anxiety. It can't possibly be gastroenteritis. (Which is what it turned out to be.)

Speaking of driving, I know I'm not the only one the subject comes up with. I can't remember where, but I was reading someone's post who was talking about going to group therapy, and hanging out and chatting afterward. The facilitator told that person to "hurry, or you'll miss your bus." And was then surprised that he/she didn't take the bus, but had driven to the group session. Why do even some professionals assume that if you have a mental illness, you don't drive? Or in my case, it was assumed I couldn't learn?

[MickeyCheeky]

Yes, this happens a lot. It sure sucks I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

[Nix]

I just don't disclose my MI to anyone and I try my best to keep it under wraps.

Oh I have one. A long time "friend" who assumed that because I was upset with him I must be off my meds. I can't possibly feel emotions unrelated to bipolar. I ended that friendship on the spot.

The assumption about the driving has nothing to do with one's ability. It has everything to do with the fact that many people dealing with mental illness cannot afford to operate a car. For instance, the majority of the people including myself attending support group are on disability. Owning and operating a car is simply a luxury that most of us don't have. To hear of people with mental illness whose lives have not been affected by such definitely would be a surprise. This is no indication of slighting of your capabilities but yes, it might still be insulting.

[IA_2809]

-"You're lazy. With so many possibilities to get better, why is it that you don't in time? Must be the problem is not your condition but yourself. "
-"You're an economic burden. Worthless, unnecessary, weak and unproductive, you are dead weight on somebody else's shoulders."
-"You're dangerous. You're uncomfortable and triggersome."
-"You need pity and someone to talk to all the time. You're a fragile kid who needs the rest for emotional comfort all the time."
-"You're the way you are because you chose it through your life."

the 2 I get more often than not are

1. I can't make any type of decision for myself and people need to make them for me.

and 2, that I am lazy- I can't do housework or take care of myself, anything like that

oh and 3

if they come near me they will be infected with the illness

yes they are all very annoying

very

People assume it's not in fact OCD, because I don't excessively wash my hands, or lock my door 15 times, or insist on being tidy.

[Fuzzybear]

A GP told me they didn’t recommend I consult a pdoc, t etc, as they get “infected by people’s mental illness”.....

A different GP, wanted to refer me and wrote down .....stuff.. after only one conversation

[MRT6211]

People have told me that everything I’m saying is “just my illness talking,” and that I’m manipulative, untrusting, have a flawed personality...when in reality I am not manipulative at all and I used to trust people a lot. People treat me like I’m fragile or broken, I also have heard that I’m going to hell because of my suicide attempt *heavy eye roll* I’ve been told I’ll never be able to succeed in my career because of my MI. And so, so many more awful things...

[Albatross2008]

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl

Oh I have one. A long time "friend" who assumed that because I was upset with him I must be off my meds. I can't possibly feel emotions unrelated to bipolar. I ended that friendship on the spot.

Can't blame you there. Nothing makes me mad faster than an automatic "Did you take your medicine today?" any time I'm even the slightest bit in a bad mood.

Originally Posted by IA_2809

-"You're lazy. With so many possibilities to get better, why is it that you don't in time? Must be the problem is not your condition but yourself. "
-"You're an economic burden. Worthless, unnecessary, weak and unproductive, you are dead weight on somebody else's shoulders."
-"You're dangerous. You're uncomfortable and triggersome."
-"You need pity and someone to talk to all the time. You're a fragile kid who needs the rest for emotional comfort all the time."
-"You're the way you are because you chose it through your life."

An ex of mine also had a mental illness. His sister treated him like he was four years old because of it, and then assumed I was dangerous and couldn't be trusted. I was hospitalized after a self-injury. The injury wasn't serious. It was depression I was hospitalized for, and the fact that I was being treated like garbage had a lot to do with it. Anyway, she then told her brother he shouldn't keep seeing me, because if I'd injure myself, I might do the same thing to him if I got mad at him.

And ugh with the pity! Just because I vent about some annoying or inconvenient thing, it doesn't mean I'm "suffering" and "hurting" and need advice on what to do about it. My goodness, other people vent. Why can't I, without getting placed under a microscope and analyzed to death? My brother used to be really bad about that, until I went no contact with him. Sometimes I was even trying to be humorous in my venting, but he'd see it as an SOS, give me all kinds of patronizing and condescending "help," and then take offense when I told him I didn't need it.

Originally Posted by justafriend306

The assumption about the driving has nothing to do with one's ability. It has everything to do with the fact that many people dealing with mental illness cannot afford to operate a car. For instance, the majority of the people including myself attending support group are on disability. Owning and operating a car is simply a luxury that most of us don't have. To hear of people with mental illness whose lives have not been affected by such definitely would be a surprise. This is no indication of slighting of your capabilities but yes, it might still be insulting.

Thanks for that. You're saying that assuming someone with MI doesn't drive isn't that they can't do it, it's that they can't afford a car. I notice you're in Canada and I'm in the USA, but there are similarities in the mental health system, I think. Yes, it's true here too that a lot of people with MI are on disability and can't afford to maintain and operate a car.

In assuming that MI = taking the bus, people are also making another assumption, that everybody with MI can't work and is on disability. Only part of that is true for me. I can't work, but I am married to a man who can support a stay-at-home wife, so I am not on disability. I was, until I married him.

In my individual case, it *was* assumed that I couldn't learn to drive a car. Until I met my husband, I couldn't find anybody willing to teach me. If it had been legal, I would have gone out by myself, but the law required another person in the seat beside me, and nobody was willing to do that. Why? Because I have anxiety, and that means I can't handle it.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Arbie

* I never have physical illness.

I have repeated experiences and observations of this. Once a person receives a mental illness diagnosis, it tends to become the lens through which each new medical professional views the patient regardless of symptoms.

[Loose Screw x 2]

What gets to me is if I do one thing that irritates my brother then, it must mean that I'm not taking my meds regularly or even if I've done heavy research on other forms of mental illness and realize that I have many of the same symptoms of some of them or one of them then, I don't have a clue what I'm talking about and it can only be so if a doctor says that it is so. What do I have to do to prove that I have other illnesses? Maybe go out and do something really bad by acting on the thoughts of those symptoms? Then, it'll be like "Well..., maybe he really was loony. Let's go get a cup of coffee and a gravy biscuit! I'm famished! Har, har, har!!"

[HowDoYouFeelMeow?]

That if I get upset about something, it's because I'm overreacting and not because there's a real problem.

I recently read an article about Depression and Anxiety. The gist of it was saying how people assume that if you have a mental illness you are weak. But in fact, it is possible to be extremely strong yet still suffer.

[BrazenApogee]

I don't know if this counts in this thread, but I hate when people find out about my past and assume I am inferior because of it. I can't even find a good Primary Care Physician, because as soon as they learn I was hurt as a kid, they label me with PTSD and never call me back It wasn't my fault, and I function in the world fine. I have a job, go to college, drive a car. I just can't get medical care because I can't find a Doctor who won't dismiss me

- When they learn I have PTSD, it's because I've had a leg amputation or possibly because I was bullied. Uh, it was mostly because of the events (namely, medical torture) leading up to the amputation/the events that made the amputation necessary. And the s.assault. And more. And yeah, the bullying probably didn't help, but honestly, I don't have nightmares about the bullying.
- When they learn I have autism: either "Sorry, I shouldn't touch you." "No, that's not what I mean.." (I'm very literal, but I do understand sarcasm. I like to point out the discrepancies between sarcasm/figures of speech, and what a person is actually meaning.. but mostly people then think I don't understand them. And if I have only met a person a few times, it's alright, but sometimes it's annoying. My parents do it, my T does it, everyone does it.) "Oh, so that's why you're bullied." No, I was bullied because I was 'too smart' and people were mean/jealous. I didn't make friends easily because of the autism, and that certainly made me an easier target, but I wasn't bullied because of the autism. Not everyone with no friends is bullied. "You must be good at that./Go immerse yourself in computer programming, that must be your cup of tea." Not everyone with autism likes computer programming.

[Loose Screw x 2]

Originally Posted by MavriforceK9r

What do I have to do to prove that I have other illnesses? Maybe go out and do something really bad by acting on the thoughts of those symptoms? Then, it'll be like "Well..., maybe he really was loony. Let's go get a cup of coffee and a gravy biscuit! I'm famished! Har, har, har!!"

Please disregard this angry rambling. I would never hurt anyone just to prove a point or to get someone's attention. Self defense is a different story though. I was just frustrated and blowing off steam.

People assume I'm not going to be a good parent or that I shouldn't have children. And I'm going to prove them wrong.

I'm going to add another one. When people find out I have BPD they treat me like I'm some kind of monster. In fact I am a giant sweetheart, but some people don't even give me a chance.

People also think that because I'm bipolar my moods change on a dime all day long. Nope.

People see a label and assume everyone is exactly the same when there are different shades of the same illness.

[Rose76]

This is one of the reasons that I reject the label, "mentally ill," being appropriated by everyone who carries a psych diagnosis. Yes, a person in the throws of paranoid schizophrenia can be constructively thought of as mentally ill. But let's refer to "the medical model." Acne is a dermatological disease, but, if your sister has a bad breakout of acne, you wouldn't go around telling people, "My sister is ill." As long as she is functioning within reasonably normal limits, you wouldn't describe her as being very sick, or being diseased. Unless she develops a severe skin infection from her breakout, she's not what most people would call "sick."

We consumers of psych services kind of want to have it both ways. We kind of want to be thought of as "ill," so that when we don't cope well, we can say, "It's not my fault. I'm ill." But, then, we don't want people assuming we can't cope.

There's a price for everything. We all want to be shown maximum compassion. We see fund raising spots on TV, where kids with cancer are called "heroes." Being real sick has become quite the thing. If you can get yourself labeled as being ill, all kinds of good vibes go with it. You're a warrior in the campaign against disease. You don't just suffer from an ailment, you are deemed to be "battling" it.

One way this got off the ground was with alcohol abuse being transformed from an objectionable behavior to an "illness." Much good came out of that, and the problem of excess drinking came out of the closet, where it could be better addressed. Likewise, other problematic behavioral styles have been gathered under the rubric of "mental illness." I think of the "disease model" as metaphoric. I'm not sure the metaphor always holds up. As I've said elsewhere, to my mind "mentally ill" would fittingly describe someone so impaired that they would not be asked to babysit. If reasonable people would feel fine letting you babysit their kids, then I'm not going to call you mentally ill.

I think "functionality" should have a lot to do with defining a state of mental illness. Abraham Lincoln suffered mightily from depression, but no one suggests he was too "sick" to discharge his duties as president. We don't think of the period of the Civil War as that time when we had a mentally ill president. But today lots of folk want to say D. Trump should not be president because he is probably "mentally ill." Compared to suicidal Abe, Donald strikes me as a pretty happy camper.

Part of how words and phrases garner meaning is through common usage. There isn't some language Czar presiding over a team of word experts who issues proclamations about what a word means. The publishers of dictionaries simply consult popular opinion to discover what a term means to the people who use it. For a few centuries, there's been a social consensus that some people's demeanor and behavior puts them in a category that can usefully be thought of as "ill," psychologically ill. It's really a metaphor. It's been useful. Now, however, the category is being expanded to include everyone with "issues." The law of unintended consequences kicks in. The meaning of the term "mentally ill" is becoming plastic, as it changes depending on the agenda of the person using it. Eventually, we're going to have to have more of a national conversation on topics related to this. Examples: Is all undesirable behavior a sign of mental illness? (Try to find a middle class mother who's badly behaved child doesn't have some diagnosed "disorder.") Are perpetrators of evil appropriately thought of as mentally ill? (This comes up every time we have a mass shooting.) Is chronic unhappiness usually "depression?" What is the relationship between "mentally ill" and "mentally incompetent?"

[MoxieDoxie]

I find it unnecessary to tell anyone that I have a mental illness or disorder to begin with. I rather them whisper to each other "There is something wrong with that one." I find no need to ever explain myself.

Worst thing I did at work was elude to anxiety. They lowered the bar and always said 'but you are doing more then most simply by coming to work'. I wish I nipped it in the bud there and then and said I will decide that thank you. Now I say nothing because the worst is having bars lowered.

[Albatross2008]

Originally Posted by 502041

Worst thing I did at work was elude to anxiety. They lowered the bar and always said 'but you are doing more then most simply by coming to work'. I wish I nipped it in the bud there and then and said I will decide that thank you. Now I say nothing because the worst is having bars lowered.

I agree so much. I wish other people would stop telling me what I can and can't deal with.

As someone with a mental health condition, I consider myself 'neurotic' rather than "mentally ill". I have anxiety, depression, and PTSD, but I am not disabled (although it certainly is disabling at times). Think of it this way--someone with chronic back pain isn't considered 'orthopaedically ill'.

The most damaging assumptions made unequivocally involve healthcare providers, who have misdiagnosed me as a result of wrongly attributing my complaint(s) to 'anxiety' or 'depression'.

"People with lived experience of a mental illness commonly report feeling devalued, dismissed, and dehumanized by many of the health professionals with whom they come into contact."*

Their behavior is so widespread and egregious that it should be criminal due to the harm caused. However, it is at least unlawful in terms of civil rights.

Part of the reason they do it is because THEY CONTINUALLY GET AWAY WITH IT. For anyone who can, consider filing a complaint if you think you were discriminated against for having a mental health condition.

Here is information about healthcare discrimination:

1. U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services (DHS)

Discrimination on the basis of race, color, national origin, disability, age, sex, or religion by entities receiving federal financial assistance from DHS; violation of rights under the federal health care provider conscience protection statutes; or violation of the HIPAA Privacy Rule, HIPAA Security Rule, or the confidentiality provisions of the Patient Safety Rule. File a civil rights complaint with the U.S. DHS, Office for Civil Rights, electronically through the Office for Civil Rights Complaint Portal.

File a complaint: https://ocrportal.hhs.gov/ocr/portal/lobby.jsf

Read more information: https://www.hhs.gov/civil-rights/fil...int/index.html

2. The Joint Commission (TJC)

A health care organization or program that TJC accredits or certifies, including hospitals, doctor’s offices, nursing homes, office-based surgery centers, behavioral health treatment facilities, and providers of home care services. Report a patient safety event or concern about a health care organization.

File a complaint: https://www.jointcommission.org/report_a_complaint.aspx

Read more information: https://www.jointcommission.org/abou...sion_main.aspx

3. State Dept. and/or Attorney General’s Office (each state has its own; this is the state of WA)

A health professional regulated by the Washington State Department of Health, such as: a doctor, doctor’s assistant, nurse, nurse’s assistant, pharmacist, psychologist, mental health counselor, occupational therapist, or a facility or agency licensed by the Department of Health, such as: hospitals, surgery centers, home health or hospice agencies, clinics, labs, psychiatric facilities and state schools for hearing and visually impaired. Where is the Complaint Filed? Washington State Department of Health, Health Systems Quality Assurance Division.

File a complaint: https://www.doh.wa.gov/LicensesPermi...ComplaintForms

Read more information**: https://www.doh.wa.gov/LicensesPermi...aintProcess#20

**Google healthcare complaint and the name of your state to find out how to report. You may be able to file both a licensing complaint with your state regulator and a civil rights complaint with your state's attorney general's office. The links above are only an example (WA State).

You may also be able to file a complaint with your insurance company.

Here is general information on healthcare discrimination for individuals with (mental health) disabilities:

Both Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973 and Title II of the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) of 1990 prohibit covered health care and human service providers and institutions from discriminating against persons with disabilities in the provision of benefits or services or the conduct of programs or activities on the basis of their disability.

Section 504 applies to programs or activities that receive Federal financial assistance. Title II of the ADA covers all of the services, programs, and activities conducted by public entities (state and local governments, departments, agencies, etc.), including licensing.

Disability Discrimination in Health Care and Health Services - FindLaw

How to File a Complaint Against a Health Care Provider or Facility | Disability Rights Washington

This problem is prevalent and well known, but there needs to be more research. Here is one article:

Mental illness-related stigma, including that which exists in the healthcare system and among healthcare providers, has been identified as a major barrier to access treatment and recovery, as well as poorer quality physical care for persons with mental illnesses.1–5 Stigma also impacts help-seeking behaviours of health providers themselves and negatively mediates their work environment.6–9

*https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5347358/