I feel far worse and may need to leave PC

After asking Admin to shut down a very triggering thread that I started, I feel far worse and don't know what to do.

I have relied on this forum for a lot of support and have given a lot of support, but I am so triggered that I feel like leaving PC altogether or maybe to just stop posting about any of my problems.

Some feedback is very helpful and gives me good food for thought while other feedback, I feel like I have to defend myself or someone else, I feel attacked and criticized and picked apart, and it's not helpful at all. I can take constructive feedback, but not outright criticisms, attacks, accusations, badgering and being picked apart or put down and made to feel far worse.

I feel like leaving PC. This place is very triggering and today, it's making my mental health far worse. I'm now drinking wine in the afternoon as a result - something I never do.

I am sorry you felt triggered. Sometimes members mean well but may say something that ends up being hurtful to the OP, I know I have done that before myself. We all need a break sometimes. I wish you nothing but the best, whatever you decide.

I'm so sorry you're having this experience. But I can understand how you feel. It's part of the reason I rarely post my own threads... & when I do they're typically not with regard to anything personal. (The few times I have tried posting threads of a personal nature recently, I've become embarrassed & had to ask the moderators to take them down.)

This is my second time around, here on PC. The reason I left before didn't have anything to do with PC in particular. I was just frustrated with the internet in general. I closed every website I was on. After a while, though, I began to miss being on-line. And when I thought about it, I knew PC was where I wanted to be. So I guess what I would urge is... take some time off if you need to. But don't close out your membership right away. Take some time to think it over. Then, if leaving still feels like the right thing to do, go ahead. My best wishes to you...

Golden eve;
May i please comment... People are going to respond with their own baggage. There will be very few people who will choose to put their own drama and baggage aside and provide a compassionate and objective opinion. I have been triggered by lots of members on PC because they choose to bring their own problems and experiences to others’ questions, instead of looking at the concern objectively.
That is why I dont post here or online much. I was under the impression that PC would be helpful but 92 percent of the time (I calculated) people just want to evaluate the op’s situation with their own baggage in mind, in other words they analyze op’s situation with the judgemental wheel in their head. While this is heartbreaking it is unfortunately expected.
I hope my perception helps.
I am sorry you are triggered. So am i believe me.

It is very exposing, sometimes, being as honest as people are on here. And feeling misunderstood is awful.

I'm really sorry you're suffering today.

I find when I'm triggered and upset its good to take a break. A day, week, month, whatever you need. Your mental health is the most important thing. I would be sad to see you go, but take care of you. Hugs.

It can be tough posting on here. Some subjects and threads garner a lot of attention good and bad. I think, for the most part, people try to be supportive, but we all do come with our baggage, it is peer-support site, so you have to take everything with a grain of salt. It's also easy for people to misinterpret things, because of the nature of sharing on here, they don't get the whole picture, so they'll fill in the blanks on their own, not realizing they're letting their own history and experience color that. A lot of people project their experience or emotions into their responses.

I think there is more good than bad here. And I have taken it as a safe place to practice my anger management skills and controlling my emotions. Sometimes I fail, but every now and then I see a response/reply that makes me want to shoot my computer screen and start furiously typing a reply, but then I stop myself and say "it's not worth it. They don't know me. I don't have to be right on an online anonymous forum. Their misconceived opinion doesn't matter to me."

There will be conflict here. It is inevitable. I have been triggered many times, and had to do lots of self care, but in the end I find that I come back because I have found some very supportive people here.

I have had some bad experience with particular topics, so I don't post those on here anymore. If I need support on those topics, I PM someone I trust to give me a good, fairly objective perspective.

Part of it is getting a feel for the community and the community's tendencies. No one is perfect, and no group is perfect. Remember it's not black and white, all good or all bad. PC has good things about and some bad things too. But I think the good of this community, the structure, the admins, and the guidelines far outweigh the bad.

What I try to remind myself of when someone replies to a thread of mine that may be way out of left field is that I don't have to respond. I can just hit the "Thank you" button to thank them for taking the time to reply, but I don't owe them a response and if they're really far off the mark, then I can ignore it instead of letting it get to me. We tend to get defensive and feel judged by others' remarks, but remember someone can only judge you if you let them judge you.

For example, someone could call me a failure (no one has, just an example) and I could get mad and respond and get defensive and escalate the whole argument. Or I could just ignore it and know that I am not a failure and this person's opinion, this person who is just an anonymous person online that I will likely never cross paths with, their opinion really does not matter. So I can take it to heart or leave it. I can choose what I will hear or not hear.

So, I hope you will stay. Take a break if you need it. But I think you will find the good outweighs the bad here. Think of all the support you get from the work forum? Don't let one thread make you forget the good experiences you've had as well.

Seesaw

I am glad that you had more positive experience here. I actually have been feeling worse since i started PC

It can feel real iky and like a personal attack when you post something and you get opinions not aligned with your own or not as supportive as you thought they should be. People also like to play devils advocate thinking this approach somehow makes you start thinking in a different way.

If you know you get triggered easily from opposition then think twice about posting. Remember people on her have mental health issues and are in different stages of therapy or not in therapy at all. Soooooo do not expect great things when you post.

I'd like to thank the OP for posting this thread. It's fair to be able to grumble about being repeatedly triggered.

I've not been here long enough to form a well considered opinion but my feeling is by and large people are functioning as individuals rather than as cliques. I think the most damaging is the perception that people start to 'gang up' on a person or it appears as if it might be happening.

I also take that advise on board Sheezyks.

It's really helpful to remember that people are going to respond with their own baggage and in particular if something has a lot of emotion in it then it is probably more about them than about you. Sometimes the two can temporarily line up or it could be more than accidental. I'm grateful when I can relate to what another person writes and also someone who is carrying a lot of baggage on one subject isn't necessarily so on a different (less triggering) one.

Truer words have never been written.


It's a fair question to ask yourself if coming here is helpful or the opposite. I think for me atm having the human connection here helps, even if it isn't always helpful. Sometimes people are just going to trigger each other and then it is best just to take a little break of some kind.

This is also a very good point to keep things in perspective.

I have to say in times like this it's best to step back for a while. I usually don't post threads seeking advice on certain subject matter, (relationships, family, love, dating) because people these days have strong opinions on it, opinions that you may not like. I am not at all saying you are wrong for seeking advice and help, because that's why PC is here.

My suggestion? Start a journal or a blog. Sometimes, getting all the feelings and questions out on paper (or text), can be a very eye-opening experience and can be very beneficial. You get the feelings out, sort through them, and then read what you wrote later and evaluate it.

There have many times that I have written stuff down in my blog that I would never bring to a forum because I know how much backlash I would get. Not because I am wrong in my feelings, but that I am not in a place where I can take someone's sour opinion.

Think about it. Having a mental illness is so difficult, I know, and sometimes you just want to get it all out. So do that. But do it in a place where no one can really comment, maybe just see it and "like" it or whatever.

I hope you take the time and take care of yourself. PC can be harmful sometimes. Although there is SO much good here, we all have things we are working out, and we can bring our baggage to a conversation, (as someone else mentioned), without realizing it.

Take care of you. Lots of hugs.

Great Advice ... Who are You ... a psychiatrist!

I'm sorry to read about what you are going through. I hope my posts aren't triggering. I try my best to help. Sometimes I take a break from PC because it gets depressing and I don't want to keep seeing negativity. I hope you are OK. hugs

It's ok. Take a break if you need it. You have to take care of yourself first. I would suggest to keep your account here, but if you're tempted to come back, you can delete it and make another one. You've had a lot on your plate recently so it's understandable you'd feel this way. I will miss you while you're gone, but you have to do what's best for yourself

I’m sorry if my words to you triggered and made you feel worse in any way. My intentions were only to help.

It’s true, I am one of the ones who commiserates with OPs by saying I had a similar experience. I do it because I hope it makes them feel like they are not alone, and because this is a psych forum, I am here to deal with my own stuff, so I jump into the thread along with the OP to figure out our stuff together. Is that such a bad thing?

I have also questioned if posting on PC has been helpful or hurtful to me. I’ve been so triggered that I went down the well and nearly OD’d before from things people said to me. So, I agree, this can be dangerous.

But I keep coming back because it feels good more than it does bad. I think of PC as a support group and I really need that.

Also, I find that when I start a thread, I tend to be telling my situation, maybe venting about my anger from it, and don’t really ask questions of the community as much as leave it open for anyone to jump in with their take on it. I rarely even get responses. In fact, I have one very good friend on here who always responds, and we joke that I could just private message her. But, I do appreciate when someone else chimes in with whatever they have to say. Although, sometimes I get “attacked”. I hate it when I feel I am getting attacked, and I ask that person to back off, and they don’t. Then I get triggered and take a break from here, and then I come back after that thread has died down. Even the person who “attacked” is then totally neutralized and we are friends again.

Keep in mind it is a psych site, who everyone has issues. This is peer counseling.

I hope you feel better soon and don’t feel shy or embarrassed or angry. Come back or stay!

Maybe it is the nature of forums to get triggered. I was on a forum years ago to help me quit smoking. The people on there constantly triggered me and made me feel like I wanted to smoke! A lot of people kept relapsing. So I finally went off that forum...and I did better. It was easier to become an ex-smoker after I got off that forum. (I never relapsed.)

I think everyone gets triggered on forums. It is best to take breaks...as others have said. In fact, I think keeping the forums from getting to be an addiction or a dependency is key.

This community is really the very best I have encountered online. I don't do any other forums or communities. I find the people here to generally be extremely kind. I use the ignore function if someone triggers me. It isn't personal. As MickeyCheeky said...we have to take care of ourselves.

I know I am overwhelming and I never seem to resolve my issues with depression...so I can't be on here 24/7.

I won't delete my account because I like maintaining an identity...and feeling like I can come and go. Everyone understands.

Thank you, Psych Central members, you are the best.

I hope all the great comments on this thread have helped the OP.

Thank you all SO much for your comments and responses to me. I really appreciate your insights, feedback and input.

Tishabuv, you are fine -- you weren't triggering me. I appreciate your stories, too. They have helped me.

Seesaw -- I do see more good than bad here, and you're right, it's not all black and white.

LadyShadow -- I do have both a journal and a blog. My blog is professional though, and a journal is great although it doesn't replace getting support and encouragement from others, unfortunately.

If I am not addressing you personally, it doesn't mean I don't value what you've said -- I do! Very much! I just don't have the energy to respond to every post right now.

Several of you have talked about not posting because of the commentary and backlash. And about the fact that many people bring their own baggage and project their issues.

I am now thinking I just won't post anymore about my issues because of the backlash.

And this, I think is quite unfortunate, because many people here have in fact helped me quite a bit with their replies and insights.

On here, we need to be careful about what we say. I just wish more people would be more sensitive to the OP with their replies (I can think of a few times where I may not have been myself). We are all fragile. We all have our own issues we are grappling with.

Someone here said that they almost OD'd because of people's negative responses to them.

Last night, I felt suicidal for the first time in months, and a part of that had to do with feeling triggered and not supported. I was having serious fantasies. I am in a very rough spot atm (was just told I have to move out of my parents' home ASAP and I only have a part-time job).

Self-care is important. I don't know if I will leave PC altogether, but I need to exercise self-care, and unfortunately, that may mean refraining from posting about my personal issues.

Thank you all.

Me too to all replies.

One thing I think I am learning is that what other people do and say triggers me if and only if I need them to be something that they aren't -- namely, a wise parent. When I realize that they aren't, and when I no longer need them to be, then I can much more calmly analyze them -- and me. That can be quite rewarding.

I think this is an important topic you bring up here and something that also resonates with me a lot, too.

I do, for the most part, feel safe here (I think because the mods have made me feel safe), but I DO get triggered sometimes. (Lately its been more often!) I see it as the nature of being on a mental health forum, but I don't like it all the same. That being said, I think you bring up an important topic. I myself have been hesitant to talk about certain things at times, and have of course, used the ignore function here and there when I felt I needed to use extra protection for myself. It would be nice to have the rules for Psych Central reinforced somewhere very visible. I think when things like this happen...I know that the offending person is talked to. But I personally think the hurt person should be reached out to by the mods to make sure they're ok.

Big hugs to you, Eve. Be good to yourself.

This thread will most probably be removed because of its content (criticizing PC, which is against forum rules).

I have stepped back considerably because of issues with PC (conflicts with admin). Sometimes days go by and I don't visit the forum and, when I do visit, I only read a few posts anymore.

thank you, Starry! I think the key here is self care. I agree that perhaps the rules could be posted more visibly.

This thread was created to vent and express my feelings about feeling triggered - it is not a criticism of PC at all.

Dissapointed to see this post on a thread for a member already hurt by posts on here. Sometimes we all need a pick me up and compassion.

The therapy experiences I have had seeing private individuals has been far more triggering and harmful TBH. The peer counseling and support from kind strangers helps me a lot. I really appreciate this forum.

With as much as i have said and revealed in my posts, there is so much more I hold back from discussing...the real issues going on down deep. 1. My h and family may get a hold of this. 2. I’m afraid of getting jumped all over for posting my dysfunction.

i just won't post anymore.