[Brooklyniebee]

And I'm not sure if it's wrong. I tend to panic in big situations and make up elaborate stories to get through it. The weird thing is, I don't usually feel bad about the lie, and sometimes I can even convince myself that it's true.

I'm quitting my job this week, and I've had a LOT of anxiety about it. I'm quitting because it's time to move on, and I want to change career fields, and I want to cut back on hours. It's just time. But I have SUCH a hard time communicating that to my boss, and I've been completely terrified to approach the situation with her.

So what did I do? I told her I'm pregnant. Which...I'm not. I completely made it up. A whooole story, complete with name ideas and worries about the "baby" and all...and now I, somehow, feel much less anxious. I feel better about telling her I need to cut back (on account of the "baby") or even telling her I need to quit because my SO wants me to "be home more."

I can HEAR how crazy this is. I'm not typically a liar. I don't tell lies on a frequent basis. But when a big change comes up, or a big confrontation, or whatever, it's like I feel the need to deflect it and make up a story to explain it and make me feel better. I even halfway convince myself it's true. I've been looking up baby names all day! But there's no baby! I don't even want a baby! What the heck is wrong with me 😔

The funny thing is, I was trying to indicate to my boss that I'll be leaving, and she said "Well, I'm glad you're feeling okay and we aren't losing you!" Even with a big lie, I'm a failure at communicating what I need and want. 😔😖

[CelestialFlame]

Yeah except now you're going to have to work with that lie. You just dug your own hole really. What you gonna do when your boss starts noticing that you dont look pregnant as time goes on? Why did you make a lie that requires physical proof in the long run? How did you resort to saying your pregnant, of all things, as a lie? That wasnt exactly the best idea.

[Brooklyniebee]

Originally Posted by NaomiQuinn

Yeah except now you're going to have to work with that lie. You just dug your own hole really. What you gonna do when your boss starts noticing that you dont look pregnant as time goes on? Why did you make a lie that requires physical proof in the long run? How did you resort to saying your pregnant, of all things, as a lie? That wasnt exactly the best idea.

Obviously. OBVIOUSLY IT WASN'T A GOOD IDEA. I didn't plan it, it wasn't rational. I came here for help. I expressed that it wasn't rational and that I don't really know why I did it. I'm thinking of seeking therapy about this issue. I thought this was a place for mental health advice, not judgement.

It sounds like you suffer from anxiety and went to the lie in order to alleviate that, but instead you have dug a deeper hole for yourself. I would leave this job if I were you, and start fresh with no more lies. You are not the first woman to lie about being pregnant, nor will you be the last, but it is a hard lie to keep going because people eventually figure it out...or you have to lie again and say that you miscarried. These lies will likely cause you more anxiety than the original situation you were so afraid of!

I would encourage you to seek therapy for this issue, the anxiety and the lying. You can address this, and overcome it.

[Crookedspin]

Originally Posted by Brooklyniebee

And I'm not sure if it's wrong. I tend to panic in big situations and make up elaborate stories to get through it. The weird thing is, I don't usually feel bad about the lie, and sometimes I can even convince myself that it's true.

I'm quitting my job this week, and I've had a LOT of anxiety about it. I'm quitting because it's time to move on, and I want to change career fields, and I want to cut back on hours. It's just time. But I have SUCH a hard time communicating that to my boss, and I've been completely terrified to approach the situation with her.

So what did I do? I told her I'm pregnant. Which...I'm not. I completely made it up. A whooole story, complete with name ideas and worries about the "baby" and all...and now I, somehow, feel much less anxious. I feel better about telling her I need to cut back (on account of the "baby") or even telling her I need to quit because my SO wants me to "be home more."

I can HEAR how crazy this is. I'm not typically a liar. I don't tell lies on a frequent basis. But when a big change comes up, or a big confrontation, or whatever, it's like I feel the need to deflect it and make up a story to explain it and make me feel better. I even halfway convince myself it's true. I've been looking up baby names all day! But there's no baby! I don't even want a baby! What the heck is wrong with me 😔

The funny thing is, I was trying to indicate to my boss that I'll be leaving, and she said "Well, I'm glad you're feeling okay and we aren't losing you!" Even with a big lie, I'm a failure at communicating what I need and want. 😔😖

Hi, I just wanted to say that I empathize with this. I haven't had to do this as much but when younger I would tell elaborate "tales" so as to avoid having to tell people that I was overwhelmed/depressed/unable to get out of bed/whatever. I'm aware of how telling such "tales" provides incredible relief but then also leaves one feeling guilty and confused about things. I know that it's been said that every addict is required to be a liar to sustain their habit and I think that is true of many, many people with depression and anxiety and other challenges. I encourage you to find ways to communicate directly, but just wanted to extend some understanding to you, too. I know how crazy and confusing that can feel, and yet what an irresistible tool it can be.

[MickeyCheeky]

It's obviosuly caused by yout anxiety.. so the only solution is to work on that. Do you see a therapist?

Also, if you can, try to tell your boss the truth before it's too late..

[*Laurie*]

I understand. My mom used to tell lies in order to cope with uncomfortable life situations or to gain acceptance from people she believed were "better" than she was. Or, sometimes she lied because she wanted to keep someone at arm's length.

I always wondered why she lied...why she didn't ever learn to communicate the genuine reasons why she had a need for a certain thing. The only answer I've ever come up with is that she lied because her self-worth was not very high.

Do you think that might be the case for you?

[CelestialFlame]

Im not judging you, im trying to make you think about and self analyze.

[Brooklyniebee]

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

I understand. My mom used to tell lies in order to cope with uncomfortable life situations or to gain acceptance from people she believed were "better" than she was. Or, sometimes she lied because she wanted to keep someone at arm's length.

I always wondered why she lied...why she didn't ever learn to communicate the genuine reasons why she had a need for a certain thing. The only answer I've ever come up with is that she lied because her self-worth was not very high.

Do you think that might be the case for you?

It's possible. The last time I told a lie like this was years ago. I usually consider myself to be a fairly straightforward person.

I'm having a really difficult time asserting myself, and I've become very avoidant of difficult situations. I'm TERRIFIED of someone being angry with me or seeing me in a bad light. I can't explain it better than that, that it's pure terror. My boss has been piling on more and more, and instead of expressing that I can't cope with all the extra work, I've been smiling and saying, "No, it's fine!" But it isn't. And now I've found myself in a position where I have to tell her it's NOT fine, very plainly, and express that I absolutely have to leave the job, and that terrifies me. I'm so scared.

And now I have to do it anyway because the lie was just pointless. I regretted it the instant it came out of my mouth. I had been rehearsing all morning what I was going to say to her. I had planned it. My boyfriend has been working with me on practicing what I wanted to say so that I could actually go through with it, because it's been causing me so much stress. I was READY! And then I had to face her, and I had tunnel vision and my heart started pounding and I felt like I was going to throw up and the words just came out. And she literally gave me a chance to quit. Like right then, she said, "So is our current situation still okay?" That's where I could have said, "NO IT IS NOT." But instead I gulped and said, "Yeah, it's totally fine!"

I used to be a Pre-Law student. I enjoy making presentations, I love persuasive public speaking, and I used to enjoy debates. I never had a problem asserting myself. This is pretty new, like within the last three years or so. I'm trying to work up the courage to tell her tonight that I am leaving.

[Loose Screw x 2]

Yeah, with this kind of stress you definately need some therapy to help you to find out what's going on and how to get some relief from it and to eventually overcome it. I used to have this anxiety about quitting jobs and telling managers that I was done so, I would just wait until they weren't around and then walk out on the job. Later they'ed call me or realize that I'd quit and then, I'd pick up my last check later. I'm not saying that this way is a solution but, it's better than having an anxiety attack in public or puking on your boss.

[eskielover]

Maybe DBT therapy especially the section on INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS would be helpful for you.

I lived with a H who wiukd white lie ehen he got into diffucult positions. Only problem I kept shooting diwn his white lie excuses.

Honestly it becomes annoying fir the people around when they really realize this is tje way yiu handle things.

My ex just let the house we own go into foreclosure. His reasoning was that he JUST FORGOT to make a years worth if payments because he didnt have his meds (supposedly just fir adukt ADD). We all know uts a lie but no one has confronted him about where the money is if he "just forgot" to pay. It should be there to catch up. What we all KNOW is that he frequents a local casino.

Lues that are told one may think they are gettkng away with but the people around usually catch on & end up just humoring the person knowing all along its just a lie.....or they start not believing anything that the person says....definitely dont want to get to that point.

It is best to use the worksheets from something like the interpersonal effectiveness & learn apporopriate skills to exopress your needs & wants to others & also learn how to say NO to things you dont want to do. Mych better to practice these skills until they become second nature....will serve you much better throughout yiur life & much better than getting to the point after being caught in lies that peoplw dont trust that you aren't lying about everything because the mor lies people catch you in the more they will think that is what you do (even if it isn't)

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by Brooklyniebee

Obviously. OBVIOUSLY IT WASN'T A GOOD IDEA. I didn't plan it, it wasn't rational. I came here for help. I expressed that it wasn't rational and that I don't really know why I did it. I'm thinking of seeking therapy about this issue. I thought this was a place for mental health advice, not judgement.

You made her anxious.

[Brooklyniebee]

So, update: I WAS able to tell her I was leaving. I did not come clean about the lie with her. But I did tell my mom, my sister, and my best friend, expressed how anxious/guilty I feel, and talked it through with them, which really helped a lot. I'm looking for new jobs now, and she's looking for a replacement. I'm supposed to stay until she finds someone but I'm worried; what if I find a new job and they want me to start before she finds a replacement? Ugh. As soon as things are settled, I'm making an appointment with a therapist to discuss this.

[eskielover]

As soon as things are settled, I'm making an appointment with a therapist to discuss this.

good idea....just remember when looking that DBT actually has a section on Irterpersonal effectiveness that teachez skills on how to expess needs in a very logical way yet still sees yiyr emotional needs are met

[Brooklyniebee]

Originally Posted by eskielover

Maybe DBT therapy especially the section on INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS would be helpful for you.

I lived with a H who wiukd white lie ehen he got into diffucult positions. Only problem I kept shooting diwn his white lie excuses.

Honestly it becomes annoying fir the people around when they really realize this is tje way yiu handle things.

My ex just let the house we own go into foreclosure. His reasoning was that he JUST FORGOT to make a years worth if payments because he didnt have his meds (supposedly just fir adukt ADD). We all know uts a lie but no one has confronted him about where the money is if he "just forgot" to pay. It should be there to catch up. What we all KNOW is that he frequents a local casino.

Lues that are told one may think they are gettkng away with but the people around usually catch on & end up just humoring the person knowing all along its just a lie.....or they start not believing anything that the person says....definitely dont want to get to that point.

It is best to use the worksheets from something like the interpersonal effectiveness & learn apporopriate skills to exopress your needs & wants to others & also learn how to say NO to things you dont want to do. Mych better to practice these skills until they become second nature....will serve you much better throughout yiur life & much better than getting to the point after being caught in lies that peoplw dont trust that you aren't lying about everything because the mor lies people catch you in the more they will think that is what you do (even if it isn't)

I just want to be clear that this is not a daily thing, and I don't tell white lies to vope with small things. On a day-to-day basis, I'm usually very honest. It's just when something really big comes up, like quitting a job, I panic.

[eskielover]

We have to beware because little things when we are young can turn into bigger things with age if positive reinforcement occurs .

Good to deal with it now when it is NOT yiur normal way if handling thungs. It is better to learn good skills to handle yourself in panic situations because as we get older there are a lot more panic sutuations that arise far more difficult to deal with than quitting a job which yes, is stressful.

Glad you hsve caught & this concerns you now. Shows you are aware & sensitive to your actions....this is very good

[*Laurie*]

I think it is a very good idea to talk this over with a therapist.