[LMo]

I'm not sure why I'm posting this - I don't know exactly what kind of support I even want. But I just learned today that my dad's prognosis is not good. His doctor said that he personally would not pursue treatment if he were in my dad's shoes. Apparently the brain cancer (astrocytoma) is at stage 4 (which I just learned is very bad) and he has maybe 2 months left without treatment.

My dad understands what's going on and he's been very quiet, from what my stepmom tells me. He must be terrified. It is heartbreaking.

Most of all, I would want him to be able to hold his future grandchild at least once. I hope he can hang on until May...

[Rhapsody]

<font color="purple"> (((( hugs )))) </font> <font color="purple"> (((( hugs )))) </font> <font color="purple"> (((( hugs )))) </font> <font color="purple"> (((( hugs )))) </font>

Oh LMo - You, Your unborn Child and your Father are all in my PRAYERS....... Daily.

<font color="purple"> (((( hugs )))) </font> <font color="purple"> (((( hugs )))) </font> <font color="purple"> (((( hugs )))) </font> <font color="purple"> (((( hugs )))) </font>

[LMo]

thanks Rhapsody

[chalmette70043]

((((((((((LMo)))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry. I will keep you, your papa and family in my prayers.


love,
chalmette

[bebop]

lmo I am so sorry to hear. maybe see if they can do one of those 4d or 3d ultrasounds just in case so he can see the baby. my prayers are with you and your family.

[LMo]

That's a great idea, Bebop - I'll see if my stepmom thinks he'll be up for it when I go back east next weekend.

Oddly, or maybe not, he doesn't really seem all that interested in the baby. I mean, I thought he'd be thrilled but I imagine that he has bigger things on his mind right now. He says he's happy about it, but just doesn't seem very interested. I suppose I can't blame him.

I'm very self-absorbed these days and having my family not seem interested has been a little hard on me, but intellectually I can understand why.

It's bringing back flashbacks of when my mom passed away. I had just turned 15 and got my first period about a week before she died. I know that she was anxious for me to hit that milestone, and I thought she would be overjoyed when I told her the news. But unfortunately, she was very delirious by that time and really didn't understand what I was saying.

This seems like history is repeating itself - both of my parents dying as I hit my two most major reproductive milestones.

Damn it. I'm still at work and now I can't stop crying...

Thanks Chalmette and Bebop

[DocClyde]

(((LMo))) I am very sorry my dear and I will pray and continue to send best wishes and hugs and love your way...

[LMo]

thanks Clyde...

[ECHOES]

((( LMo ))) I'm so sorry. That must have been a shock to hear.

Maybe.. while you're holding him and he is holding you and his grandchild, you two can talk about that.

[LMo]

Echoes, on a mature level, I know that you're right.

I don't have a very good relationship with my dad, and in many ways the thought of being emotionally intimate with him makes me extremely uncomfortable. I feel terrible admitting that, but I have a very hard time being close with my family, even though I am a very warm person in my marriage. I know that it would be wise to crack through my discomfort for the sake of his last days - I owe him that much. But I think part of why I am standoffish with them is because that's how I was raised, so I don't know how comfortable he'd be with intimate moments either.

I don't know. I just don't know. I guess I should go home now - not getting any work done anyway.

Thanks Echoes...

[LMo]

I just realized...

I'm feeling more exposed here in this forum right now than I ever have in the last 5 years here.

[Raynaadi]

((((( LMo ))))))

I'm so sorrry hon.....I wish there was more I could say but I can't find any decent words......Always feel free to PM or Yahoo me.

[DocClyde]

When we open our wounds, it may hurt at first and may for quite sometime...but when they become open, there has to be healing or more wounds are created...so, much healing and of course, always much love for you

[lenjan]

(((((((LMo)))))) One of my biggest regrets is that my dad didn't get to know my son. I like to think he would have been proud of both of us.

My dad was not very emotionally oriented either -- hugs made him nervous, etc. I got that from him, I guess. I tried to give him one every now and then anyway.

I'm sorry the news is so tough.

[bebop]

hon spend all the time you can with him. let him know you love him and say all the things you never felt you could say or do ie: be more intimate with him. holding his hand or hugging him. it is unfortunate alot of families are not more affectionate with each other. I wish my mother had reached out to me but it was not her nature. as far as the baby goes, most men don't get excited til the baby gets here but with his health issue maybe seeing a great ultrasound pic he will get excited. to heck with asking your stepmom. this is between you and your dad. enjoy what time you have with him. share the good memories.

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((((((((((((LMo))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry and you are all in my thoughts. I wish I had better words. Sometimes just being there is enough.

BB

[(JD)]

LMo, I hope you forgive me replying this one time.

My dad had the same :Grade 4 - glioblastoma multiforme (GBM). This type doubles in size every day. My dad went ahead with the surgery, and it gave him 4 more weeks, a total of 5 altogether.

Say what you need to with your dad. I was the only one in the family that let my dad talk about death and his own funeral. It seemed to relieve some anxiety of things he wanted to say.

IDK if your dad is a man of faith, but even at this time, he might appreciate a visit and a prayer from a minister.

My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry to hear this news.

[LMo]

Thank you Bebop, bipolar_bear, _Sky

I just don't know what to feel right now

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{LMo}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I don't have any words of wisdom for you, either, except to say to just follow your heart where your dad is concerned. You know him, we don't.

I'm here for you, Sweetie, even if it's just to listen.

[Fuzzybear]

I'm so sorry sweetie, I'm here for you too if you need to talk ((((((((((((((( LMo ))))))))))))))))

[sabby]

(((((((((((((( LMo & Dad ))))))))))))))

I too lost my mom to brain cancer, stage 4. She did go through surgery and radiation treatments only to find that it grew like crazy. But I can say that the surgery and all gave her a few more months of life. She was in no pain, so that was good.

Right now hon, you are starting your grieving process. You are preparing yourself for the inevitable. It's not easy of course. Lots of different feelings. What I can say though is this....if you go hug him, hold his hand, talk to him, do whatever you can do to have a touch of intimacy with your dad now....it will be a wonderful thing for the both of you. Mom and I weren't that way through our lives either, but I did reach out to her and even if it seemed she didn't respond in kind all the time, I ended up with memories of how I cared for and loved my mom, regardless of our past history. And those memories mean all the world to me and I'll bet they will to you too.

As for your fathers seemingly indifferent feelings regarding your pregnancy.....it's not as if he isn't happy for you. Possibly it's because the disease is affecting his brain, hence his emotions and thought patterns are different and not functioning properly.

I'm so very sorry about all this LMo You and your family are in my prayers.

*Gentle Hugs*
sabby

[silentlyscreaming]

((((((((((((((((((((Lmo))))))))))))))))))))

So very sorry for you and your family. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[LMo]

Thank you Candy, Clyde, Rayna, Sept, Fuzz, Sabby, Silentlyscreaming...

I talked to my stepmom today. He has taken a turn for the worse. He keeps walking around without clothes and cannot speak well - he can't find words or the right words. He kept insisting that he wanted something made of apples, so she made him an apple pie. He lost his temper (unusual for him) and she finally figured out that he meant pistachios. When I asked to talk to him, he started screaming at her to stop telling him what to do. Really out of character for him - he's not a yeller. The neurologist warned us that this might happen as a result of the surgery. I feel the worst for my stepmom right now. He's only been home for a week and already she's frazzled and exhausted. Since I'll go back to visit them next weekend, I told her to schedule a massage and hair appointment for herself, or at least plan to go sit in a park and read a book to get out of the house.

I feel awful that I can't do more for them. I was trying to think this morning about what else I can do, and I'm coming up short. If I had a regular job, I would take a leave of absence and go stay with them for a month or two. But, I'm an independent consultant and I have a client who is 4 miles from my house, with a possibility of becoming very long-term. If I leave now, before the project is over, I'd be screwing them over badly. I don't care about THEM, per se, but I probably wouldn't be hired back later if I left now. And since I'm having a baby in May, I am hoping that they will hire me back at least part-time in July or August. If they don't, then I don't know what I'll do for income. It is hard to establish new clients, and most of my market is on the east coast, not here. I have had to travel to other cities for the majority of my career, but I don't want to do that after the baby arrives. So I want to finish my project which will end in March, and I guess just fly back to help my parents every few weeks. I would move back temporarily after March, but I'll be 8 months pregnant then and wouldn't want to fly and it wouldn't be fair to my husband. Not to mention that my dad's prognosis is only 2 months, and it's not looking positive. The timing stinks. I feel so unable to help my parents when they need it the most.

[nowheretorun]

Lmo,

just wanted to add my care for you in all this... i don't know what to say that would help but i think it was really thoughtful of you to think of your mom and give her some respite when you are able to make the visit... real life issues are present and you are taking a lot into account... of course don't be too hard on yourself for not doing enough, it seems you always are extending yourself out there for others and i know if there was someone like you in my real life i would feel very grateful... wishing you, your new baby and all that is yours the best... take care..

[DocClyde]

(((LMo)))

I wish I could do more for you and take away your pain