I missed the thread on chat.

I just wanted to say that I have had a person request that I change my txt colour because they were having trouble seeing what I was saying. I... Moved to bold and asked if it was better and the person said that it wasn't and could I please change the colour. I thought about it and... Decided not to. I posted that I was sorry, but that I preferred to keep my colour.

How come? Because sometimes something supposedly 'little' or 'insignificant' can be an important expression of ourself. I like posting in a shadowy grey colour... It is a form of self expression for me. I understand that the person was having trouble seeing the colour and I was prepared to comprimise (by moving to bold). I wasn't prepared to forsake that altogether, however.

I don't think that there is anything wrong with someone making a polite request for someone to change colour or font or whatever. But similarly, I don't think that there is anything wrong with someone politely declining to change colour or font or whatever. If a particular font or colour is distressing then one can put the person on ignore if that is what one needs to do. If a particular font or colour is too hard to read then one can simply not read what that person has to say.

Drawing the line is hard. Sometimes life is about comprimise... And doing what one needs to do in order to look out for oneself.

[RebbieDoll]

huh, that's a very good point. wow, thats something i NEVER do: compromise in order to look out for myself. very interesting

[Perna]

Alexandra, I understand about taking care of one's self but there are "important" ways to do that and there are non-essentials.

I cannot imagine choosing a colour over the chance of being able to communicate with another person; yellow, orange, gray (my favorite colors), doesn't matter what it is, cannot compare in reality, warmth, support and making me feel good, with communicating with another, live human being; especially with someone who asked me to do something so simple for them, to help them.

Requesting you to change your color wasn't an "attack" on you, wasn't someone trying to control you or get their way over you! Someone was hurting, expressed a desire to talk to you and you, in essence told them, "No, I'm not interested in you and your problems." How polite one's refusal was misses the whole point!

Maybe what things are 'important' and what things are 'non-essential' varies according to the person. What is important to a particular person might not be important to them later. Or what is important to a particular person might not be important to a different person. Similarly with what is non-essential.

I know that the person wasn't intending to attack me, control me, or manipulate me. I didn't think that the persons request was unreasonable or unfair.

I view it as a case of needs conflicting. This person needed one thing and I needed another.

Self-representation is something that is important to me. Choice of colour font in chat is... Somehow nearly as important to me as choosing what I'm going to wear for the day. Changing my colour would have felt (to me) like being asked to wear someone elses clothes - in a colour that didn't suit me.

I don't really expect that people understand this. In a way... I don't require people to. I just ask people to respect it. And... This person did. And I was grateful for that. And I hope that I didn't hurt their feelings or otherwise offend them.

Maybe it is about... Respecting... And accepting... Differences. Different needs and sometimes needs conflict. If there can be a comprimise then that is terrific. Sometimes a comprimise can't be reached, however, and there is little to do but agree to disagree...

And when one person requests that another person change their behaviour then the ultimate decision does rest with the person who is requested to change (unless there are rules or whatever of course). But even then...

There are consequences for the decisions one makes. I figured it was likely that this person wouldn't respond to my postings in chat. That is a consequence that saddens me, yes. I'm sure that it isn't optimal to be particularly attached to a particular colour.

I'm not sure if there is an option for someone to view all the chat text in black? I suggested that at the time incase it was possible for the person to change their settings. Not sure...

Fact is though that for some (maybe unfathomable) reason... It really is very important to me to be grey. And there it is.

[kazzii91]

well heres how it affects me, i politly ask people to bold thier font and make its a fairly dark colour, i think there is only 3 colours i cant read. i need this or i cant stay in chat, i am dyslexic and struggle to read unbold font on a white background, my computers set up so i dont have white backgrounds and chat is the only place the white stays. i totaly freak out if there is to much unbold or to much light font, i have kind of panick attacks because i dont know what people are saying and i feel like im stupid ect ect,

so i make a room for myself and the people that know me and understand i have this problem come in, but anybody that doesnt respect my illness i supose you could call it i boot out, i class a room i made as my space with my rules, i need to feel comfortable in my room not like i should be pleasing everybody then freaking myself out

kaz xx

[bebop]

compassion for other posters comes to mind. I don't mind changing my colors or my fonts. just like red is a bad trigger for some. it can cause migraines or seizures. just compassion.

[GYPSYEYES]

I agree with my lil Beeeeeee........

[bebop]

ty hon

[wisewoman]

wow Kazzi? I would do whatever I could to help others. I am glad you have figured out what works. If you come work on my computer Maybe we can chat. It is not mine, mine is with my daughter, long story and this one has me baffled.

[Raynaadi]

I just wanted to to post that while it isn't a rule that requires chatters to change their font, it is a courtesy. I like the word compassion too. I know I struggle reading the light fonts too. I've got one eye that works and when it gets tired, I have a reall hard time focusing on the light fonts.

There are several options here, which have been pointed out. If someone's text is too light, and they don't want to change it, you can use ignore. While I don't physically ignore the light texts, I tend to not read it because its painful at times.

Another option like Kazzi said is to make a private room.

A third option is to disable font colors all together. This can be done on the "settings" tab. All the fonts become black and bold in that case. I have a difficult time with that one because it makes all the posts fun together for me.

This is really a "netiquette" topic. Its all about having compassion for the members and using the courtesy. I understand needing a personal identity and that is important too. I always use purple and green. Thats just my thing. If someone asked me to change it I would.

We all need to be gentle with one another. None of us found this site because we were well and stable all the time. Everyone here is a fragile soul. We all need to use self care and if someone does something that upsets us, we have to take care of ourselves.

This is a difficult area because its not a clear cut guideline. It all comes down to courtesy and compassion.

The other thread was locked because it went off the track of being supportive. Lets make sure to keep this one supportive, and we can keep sharing our views and needs on the topic. So far so good.

Thanks,
Rayna

[SeptemberMorn]

It may be a character flaw in me, I don't know, but I would prefer that others read what I say than to ignore me. If it's important enough for me to say, then it's important enough to be read by others. If it's difficult for someone to read what I'm saying, there's no problem with changing my font color.

But on the other hand, if I know that my color is causing physical harm to someone, then changing my font color is imperative. I care enough for other people to not want to cause them physical harm.

It's WORDS and how they are put together that have the impact, that tell others who you are, not the color. IMO, if someone feels they must use a certain color, whether it can't be read or it hurts, then why even be in chat? It's all about "you" (generally speaking) and has little or nothing to do with the receiver of your words. You might as well be talking to the four walls or journaling. The chat rooms are to Communicate, to reach out and touch, to make a point, to feel less alone, to receive back these things.

If I ask someone to change their red or orange font and tell them that it causes me migraines, then I expect a little understanding and compassion. If that person doesn't have those qualitites, then I really don't care what they have to say. It can't be all that good... without understanding and compassion. They're not someone I care to communicate with anyway.

[(JD)]

I, too, like to use the grey, but since for some it is difficult for them to read, I try to just leave it on my name, and not my typed text. As for those who use grey, especially non-bolded, well, I don't have to put them on ignore, as if what they say is too hard to read, I just don't try to read it. Unfortunate, but true.

As for the red/orange, if someone isn't chatting very often, I try to see if I can get away with it (being in chat with it) I really do. Sometimes I suffer but I realize it was my choice.

I don't like to offend anyone, and if I'm not feeling really confident to begin with, I might not bother with asking. I've missed chats I wanted to be in because of this decision.

I do understand identifying with the font color, and needing the extra ego support in forming/showing who you are... and in a way it's kewl.

There are a lot of colors there, and I'm sure some mathematician could give us how many different combinations we have available, even without some of the triggering ones. As for the light colors, some of them seem to fluoresce on me, and I don't know if that happens with others, or if that's a result of my eye surgery this year. Can't recall if they did that last year.

I want to communicate with others when I go to chat... communication... a sent and received and understood message. If changing my font color or effect helps that process, I'll give it a whirl!

[SeptemberMorn]

You didn't do it and I'm not sure why, but I'd like to add that the red and orange scrolling give you migraines as well as seizures.

Friend or foe, I wouldn't want to be the cause of them.

[Soidhonia]

Hello Alexandra. I agree that you need something of your own, but I am one of the seizure prone people, and red is definitely out for me just because it causes migraines. although I love the color red I have to be careful with hues of red. I am sure if you experiment with the colors, you can check out chat and find something appropriate to call your own, and if I am ever in chat I can change colors if you would like to use my colors for the day. I can understand you need something of your own, but hopefully you can find the happy medium in life and compromise with someone elses wishes if it is health related. Take care Alexandra. It is nice to have values and it is nice to be wise enough to stand by them. Soidhonia

Hey.

There was a lot of 'it is all about courtesy and compassion' and, I agree. But... What about courtesy and compassion for me? What about comprimise in a way that BOTH people can retain their dignity? I do get that people don't understand where I am coming from on this. Once again, I don't require that people understand where I'm coming from - I just require that people respect it.

(And in particular that people grant that I have my own reasons and take me on my word that they are very important to me. And not jump to conclusions or attack or accuse me of not being courteous and compassionate).

> i politly ask people to bold thier font and make its a fairly dark colour

And you are well within your rights to do so.

> i need this or i cant stay in chat

I'm sorry but I don't believe this. This is making it sound like if someone doesn't do what it is that you ask of them then they are kicking or forcing you out of chat. They aren't kicking or forcing you out of chat, however. There are a number of options.

1) Put the person on ignore if one finds oneself squinting to see what they are saying
2) Don't even try and read what they are saying if it is too hard
3) Start another room
4) Change the colour of the text oneself in ones settings

These are all things that one can do to help oneself have a pleasant chat experience. When someone requests me change my colour or font I typically point out these other options to people. So they can manage their problem themself. Think of it as a form of self care.

> anybody that doesnt respect my illness i supose you could call it i boot out

And you are well within your rights to do so. I do hope, however, that you see that someone can respect you and respect what is going on for you but still say (in the gentlest possible way) 'No'.

I'm sorry that is so hard to hear.

[SeptemberMorn]

<font color="#AAAAAA">Alex, your color is gray, right? The colors that cause migraines and seizures are red and orange. So... what's the problem?

If you don't care if you're "heard" or not, what's the big deal?

If you are so enamoured of the color, why don't you post in that gray here, too? I don't think the color is a matter of self-expression. It's the denying of the change that is the self-expression, maybe?</font>

[kazzii91]

i know i am within my right to!

the thing with making a new room is i do it but people would rather stay and speak to the people in the room they are already in, therefore i am left alone, why should i leave the convosation im having because somebody is making me freak out?

i want to be able to read what they say, some people on this site are very inteligent and help me alot.

whe you change the colour on your own settings it goes to all black! that is worse for me than light colours, i can cope with a little black but to much black and i loose myself.

they may respect me but i would rather bot them than be uncomfortable in my own room. i made it for me to be able to feel comfortable in there with people that dont mind making an effort to bold thier type or make it darker, like i said there are around 3 colours i cant read, not many out of the bunch. theres plenty of colours to choose from.

ps september mom, what did u just write?

[GYPSYEYES]

Kazzi... if they are your friends.. and know someone is making you freak out... then they would leave with you to your room... and if not... then they are worse then the person who is causing your anxiety.


xoxoVanessa

[SeptemberMorn]

Kazzie, I'm sorry. If you highlight my post it will turn to black. Maybe you'll be able to read it then. If not, let me know, ok?

[heyjoe]

i may reference this thread in my new GRRRRRR women are selfish thread

[Fuzzybear]

GRRRR I don't agree with any of those generalisations, and I don't agree with blame. Blame stinks, sucks, and blows. People should get their facts correct before they sling mud around! And they should also themselves be whiter than white, which most blamers most definitely are not.

[kazzii91]

nah it made it white sep but i got your pm anyway thanks

joe why are women selfish? am i being selfish because i cant read unbold and light writing on a white background? no i dont beleive i am its a problem i was born with, i cant do anything about it.

kazzii

[sabby]

I understand that everyone has an opinion on this subject. I appreciate and respect all opinions.

But, I can see that the potential for this thread to go south is great and I must lock this thread.

sabby