How NOT to raise your kids.

If you really want to eff up your kid, tell them all the time, "why can't you be more like (insert supposed superior human being here).
My poor nephew, Tommy, has heard this all his life - why can't you be more like your older brother, Wes?
It destroyed him. He's 25, has abused all kinds of drugs, spent several years in jail - his mother died while he was locked up - and finally tried to kill himself. He is now in a coma with only a feeding tube keeping him alive.
Children should be allowed to be themselves.

((((Werewoman)))) I'm on the opposite side of the spectrum, strangely. I'm the "good kid" my little sister is often compared to. I often feel guilty when that happens, I wouldn't want that to happen to me I'm really sorry to hear about your nephew

I know the feeling all I ever heard was how smart my brother was.He passed away some 8 years ago.Or how funny he was.Ugh makes me feel so stupid

My mom used to say those words to me. Big hugs

Oh how horrible. The childhood experience really hits home.

While I grew up with my own mother bullying me and telling me I was never good enough, my own sibling was constantly praised and even glorified. While I was constantly being punished and repremanded for things usually his fault he could do no wrong and received constant praise, attention, and reward. When I did make my own mistakes, my mother went off the deep end and punishment was harsh and at times physical. "Why can't you be...." was a phrase I heard often.

I was small and dorky while my brother incredibly popular. This was an additional sore point for my mother as she took my unpopularity and nerdiness personally. She found it humiliating and a such become the biggest of my many bullies. Apparently it was embarrassing for her to have such a geek for a daughter. I heard a lot of "What must people think...."

I have a great deal of problems now that I am adult. It is a contributor to my PTSD and has resulted in my incredibly high anxiety problems. I have a very poor self image and sense of worth.

Meanwhile, the woman created a narcissist of my brother. He has also replaced her since her passing as my bully.

My own mother was the poster child for how not to raise your children.

((((WishfulThinker66)))) ((((xmascarol)))) ((((Cherlyl27))))

You are so nice.You know since I was a girl I had to do everything my brother not so much and you know what I use to hear that is because he is a boy.So what difference does that make?? I heard this my entire life.All I wanted was someone say I love you,my mom finally told me that the past couple of years,just before she became really ill then died.

Some of these parents need to take psych courses. No effing idea about human emotions it's disgusting.

So was mine. My brother obviously took after her. I somehow managed to keep my wits intact in spite of being the 'all bad' child of the family, like you, and managed to raise fairly well-adjusted though slightly unusual children. My nephew Wes is now a narcissist as well, and his wife is worse. They have a child they've never allowed me to see because I'm 'mental'. I'd rather be mental than be like them.

I talked to my brother and it seems Tommy is improving a little. He can laugh and cry, and he can move around some, but he still can't talk and is very frustrated. The doctors want him moved to a skilled nursing home to begin rehab as soon as he's able to talk. What more does this poor boy have to endure? Everyone please pray for him. For all of his faults, he believes very much in God and I'm guessing he already knows that God saved him for a reason.

So sorry, Werewoman. That's a horrible thing to say to one's child.

Rattling beads for Tommy.

xo

Chyia, smdh @ the incredibly self-defeating things some adults do to family

Wow....I had kinda the opposite problem only self inflicted. Being an only child & growing up not wanting to be anything like my parents while having no role models to observe.....I fought hard to be better than my parents & to succeede in my education because in my young mind it sermed to me that it was their lack of educatikn that causes them to be the way they were so if I excelled then it woukd guarantee I would NOT be like them.

So a few years ago I actually have been able to look back (they have been dead for decades now) & really see the psycholigical issues that were the cause not just lack of education. It has been enlightening to finally grasp the level of anxiety I never even recognized I was experiencing all those years now that I no longer have the people in my life that I was fighting so hard against. Unfortunately that were incapable of knowing what they were doing to cause what was going on inside of me.

I was everything I wanted my mom to be for my daughter & I can assure you.....that was NOT the answer either as it created a ton of "how not to raise your kid" issues too.

I grew up in a dreadful abusive household too. Mother constantly compared us to each other, pitting us against each other. It was a nightmare and most of it I cannot remember. Almost my entire childhood is a blank.

I sympathize with all of you. Classes would not have helped my family, I don't think any of them have souls.

My mom would often compare me to my cousins who were "doing better than me" because they got better grades or were more physically fit.

But what was worse in my opinion is that she kept telling me that she never wanted kids. This started when I was very young. I vowed that if I have a child, I will not say I didn't want them even if it's true.

I am so sorry you had to hear that from your mother. Mine did the same. Shouldn't have had kids and should not have married our father.

I can only imagine how miserable people are to say such cruel and heartless things to children. Upset crying kids don't upset them. It's monstrous.

Update: Tommy is doing much better. He can now eat pureed foods and the tracheal wound is healing so he can talk a little. He still can't stand without help because he has no sense of balance.

My mo used to do that, ALL the time..
"Why can't you be more like your sister?"

I think when I was younger, it really took a toll on me. I remember being so depressed because I felt inferior to my sister.


Eventually, after a couple of years of treatment that my mom realized what she was doing. By then, my mom stopped comparing me to other people. I told her that I was NOT other people and that no two people should be compared.

My mom now only mentions my sister if I do something like her. Ex., "[Your sister] used to make that face!" or "You're acting a lot like your sister!" It's more of a joking way now rather than a criticism.