?

Fuzzybear · Feb 28, 2004, 12:34 AM

How much do you agree with this statement?

Helping others is all about empowering them to make the right choices for themselves to be independent and get on with life. Being too supportive creates dependency and isn't helpful for the helper or the person being helped.

~Fuzzy

SeptemberMorn · Feb 28, 2004, 12:37 AM

100% !!

nightdream · Feb 28, 2004, 12:40 AM

I'm with that statement all the way. 100% too

nightdream

dexter · Feb 28, 2004, 02:15 AM

i agree too but it can be tough to see the borderline clearly when you try to practice it. except in some cases where someone is really taking advantage and "tough love" is clearly needed.

Support is necessary it is only when it becomes too much that the person uses it as a crutch and it hinders them. it follows along the same lines as "give a man a fish and you have fed him for the day. teach a man to fish and you have fed him for a lifetime"

i don't know if it shows here, i'm a litte different online i think, but in the 3d world i almost never give advice. when someone comes for advice i try to help them figure out for themselves what would be best. they know that better than i know. to many people are so quick to know "what's good for you". and a lot of times people who make their own decisions, once in a while, just need a break and need to be heard. they go to someone and get advice and it just pisses them off. sometimes they just need to not be alone, to regroup and gain their strength back so they can make their own decisions. being sensitive to that i think you have to know someone pretty well.

i'm rambling so much i think i could be a guest star on the sci-fi series "babbling five"

. i plan to finally try again for some sleep now.

nighty night everybody. come... back... here... you... rab...bit...!

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

Audrey · Feb 28, 2004, 02:28 AM

I suppose it depends on what you mean by too supportive. The person doing the helping doesn't always realize that the other person may not be mentally ready for something. It also depends upon who you are helping. I'm assuming you are refering to an adult who has an average iq or higher. It just depends. If it wasn't an adult for instance, like if i was a child, the parent would not be helping him/her by doing their homework, but they would be by showing them how. and by saying being to supportive do you mean being to giving of fiancial asssets? Becasue i would agree to that statment then. I know many people who are mentally held behind because their parents just give them too much.

PlanningtoLive · Feb 28, 2004, 04:14 AM

I'm throwing in my acceptance of that statement as well.

LadyDragus · Feb 28, 2004, 09:02 AM

hmmm........

It all depends on the sitution of the helper, and who you are helping. Does the person you are helping have a co-dependcy mentatly or do they have a differnt outlook on life?

Creating a <blockquote>In reply to:<hr>

dependency

<hr></blockquote>

is all in how you treat the person also..
Do you do it all for them, or do you just do something once in awhile?


The Toa pours our everthing into life --
It is cornucopie that never runs dry.

It is the deep source of everything--
it is nothing and yet in everything.

heatherm · Feb 28, 2004, 09:40 AM

{{{{{{{{{Fuzzy}}}}}}}}}}

I agree with this as well. There is such a fine line between supporting and supporting too much isn't there.

Heather

heatherm · Feb 28, 2004, 09:52 AM

{{{{{{{{{{{Fuzzy}}}}}}}}}}}

I can feel those hugs right across the Atlantic

Thank you.

I am getting there with my recovery.....its been too long though. I was telling Tomi yesterday that I am sick and tired of being sick and tired

. I don't like to be down for long. Oh well....it takes time....I just need more patience LOL

Take care sweetie xoxo things will get better.

Heather

Fuzzybear · Feb 28, 2004, 09:55 AM

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Heather}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I deleted my post (some things don't change

...) but I have been thinking of you and hoping your healing is going well...

Take care,
Fuzzy xx

bptoo · Feb 28, 2004, 11:45 AM

You're right on target Bear, There's a very fine line between helping someone and being an enabler. It's surprising how many of us (no offense meant to anyone here) don'y know where that line is. I know that I don't. I'm 100% a fixer, I want to fix whatever problem you have. That's not healthy for you, and not healthy for me.

Another thought provoking question. I seriously think that John should consider creating a Fuzzybear's question of the week forum.

Love you Bear,
Greg

"Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said."

SeptemberMorn · Feb 28, 2004, 12:47 PM

"Being too supportive creates dependency" I think you can tell when you're being taken advantage of. I know I sure can! The other person needs to make decisions on their own and at least try to do some things for themselves. To me, the answer is obvious... maybe because I've had people depend on me too much.

I'm in a situation now with my youngest. He needs $800 some of which is for rent. Excuse me?? WHY?? Because they mismanage their money all the time. I may bail him out on the rent this time, but along with the cash, they're getting a book on budgeting!

"Give a man a fish and you feed him today. Teach the man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime." I think this has been quoted here just recently.

PlanningtoLive · Feb 28, 2004, 12:59 PM

Greg, what a terrific question. Fuzzy would be sooo good at it as well.

{{{{{{{{{{Greg, Fuzzy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

LadyDragus · Feb 28, 2004, 04:19 PM

I agree totally..


The Toa pours our everthing into life --
It is cornucopie that never runs dry.

It is the deep source of everything--
it is nothing and yet in everything.

Rapunzel · Feb 28, 2004, 11:55 PM

Another great question, Fuzzy!

I agree with that statement also. Positive social support is something we need, but there is also negative social support which can be too much support or the wrong kind of support. Like, sometimes we just need someone to listen, but if they go off giving a bunch of advice that might just make us feel worse. And then there's my situation right now that has me looking for a hole. These people really mean well and think they are being helpful, but they aren't. Leaving me alone would really be the best thing for them to do, but they will go though all of the possibilities and not even think about just backing off.

Sorry about that. Stepping down now.

"Everyone has a need for significance; and if we can't make that possible, or even probable, in our society, then it will be obtained in destructive ways." -Rollo May