How Much?

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Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur All I can say is, a lot. A LOT. Just coming out of a very severe episode, I'm deathly afraid to relapse. Maybe it will get easier at some point, I certainly hope so. You've pointed something out that I fear, too- but didn't even realize it. Fear of relapsing. I hope that gets easier for both of us. I think it would be meaningful if people here mentioned what their primary mental health issue is. As someone else has mentioned, the amount of energy needed to stay stable probably depends greatly on the issue you're dealing with. In this thread, I'm noticing that primary mental health issue has almost everything to do with how much energy we expend to maintain stability. I wish I would have asked about diagnosis in my original post. In my case, my primary issue is bipolar disorder. Without meaning to be dismissive of other issues, I think chronic illnesses like that do require more energy to deal with than situational issues, like a one-off depression that's just completely "gone" at some point. Those will require a lot of energy to get over, but at some point you're "cured" and you can sort of relax. In the case of bipolar, it's never really gone and you always have to remain vigilant, you're always at risk of going into an episode, so you always have to take care to try and minimize the risk. Absolutely true.

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Originally Posted by TunedOut

Thank you for your warm and insightful post.

I, too, am affected by the weather, or more specifically, the way the light looks. Weather and time of day.

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Originally Posted by TishaBuv I only began to have MH issues (that became prevalent) in my late 30’s. They were triggered by relationship issues, not all me the dysfunctional one, it takes two. I spend all of my time trying to control my MH now, but am still constantly triggered by the same person doing the same thing. So, while I obsess over my reaction, I do not leave or make better the triggering situation. I never had a psy/t to really figure it out and set any plan in motion to help me, much as I have tried over many years. I feel I was always let down by the MH system. I have really just gone this alone and with supportive here.

I'm so sorry that you feel let down by the mh system. What are some reasons?

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Originally Posted by leomama Not stable but I struggle hard with my mood in terms of church and work . Both of those arenas there’s an expectation of positivity and good cheer and sometimes I can’t do it. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

It's hard when we have those expectations placed upon us. In that situation I feel like I have to "fake it"

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Originally Posted by Kidfle Depends on where I am. The better I feel the more willing and have the energy to work at it. But lately just feel too tired to give it an ounce of effort. Even mentioned to T that perhaps going into the hospital to get over this hump would be helpful. Haven't ever been hospitalized for psych issues. Did do an outpatient session once. T said hospitals are now to stabilize a severe episode. In and out. Probably wouldn't even keep me. Just too tired to do it anymore. Takes too much energy.

In my experience, your T is correct. IP ain't what it used to be. It's basically a holding cell and maybe a place to expedite med changes.

I feel as you do...the better I feel, the easier it is to work on feeling better.

I don’t know. When things get bad I just turn to meds. I don’t have the energy to deal with feeling things. Mainly anxiety. So it’s hard to figure out just how much energy I’m spending trying to stay stable vs how much is helping or is being masked by my meds.

I want to say I’m doing better then I think I am. Especially with everything that’s going on right now.

Yeah faking it is hard and then add my bf’s mother into the mix and even my own father.

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I deleted social media from my phone. It’s too depressing. I feel as if my life has become very small and seeing other people’s lives is very depressing .

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IDK how to put it into a simple answer here without writing a dissertation!

The simplest answer is there was no consistent diagnosis, and there was no explanation about what to expect from therapy and a finite plan to achieve successful results. All meds I tried did not work to help and some hurt.

My issue is not solely me, but involves relationships with a key other person. When we saw marriage counselors, they did not hold us accountable, homework was not done, no change happened.

I was treated badly by some of the therapists; they were callous, or negligent, so I didn’t go back. I liked some but they were ineffective, incompetent about their own insurance billing, or not causing any real change. It felt like we just kept paying for sessions that went nowhere.

Also, the money was an issue. I felt that I couldn’t bear to keep spending all that money, especially feeling confused and not getting good results, so I would take long breaks seeing no therapists until things got so bad i went to another one.

We or I must have seen a dozen over twenty years. The shortest was a few times, the longest was a year (two of those).

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Originally Posted by leomama I deleted social media from my phone. It’s too depressing. I feel as if my life has become very small and seeing other people’s lives is very depressing .

I've been feeling that way lately, too. My therapist tells me not to compare, but it's very hard not to.

I get depressed by all the life people are living and I don’t want to see it.

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I don't personally struggle with this, and I never did social media anyway, but I once saw a book about this topic called "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a ****" by Mark Manson. Maybe it could be a helpful book for you guys to get a different perspective on this.

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Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur I don't personally struggle with this, and I never did social media anyway, but I once saw a book about this topic called "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a ****" by Mark Manson. Maybe it could be a helpful book for you guys to get a different perspective on this.

Thanks, FluffyD!

It’s not that I give a ****, it’s that I’ve changed, and I no longer have anything to say.

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Right now, a lot. I have schizoaffective/bipolar and I'm an addict in early recovery. Right now I'm working on making choices that are good for my quality of life and functioning and whatnot, rather than giving into the urge that I have to be self-destructive. I'm hoping in time it won't take as much effort to choose to take my meds, stick to a healthy sleep schedule, stay away from situations where I'll be tempted to use, and so on. I'm hoping if I keep going at it, in time, it won't take as much effort to make the right choices.

Not enough. I stopped taking my medicine I really miss my euphoria when I’m on it But I’m super irritable when I’m not on it . I also don’t spend enough time on my health I think helps stabilize me

How does all that effect your work life?

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I don't really work anymore. I'm on disability for the schizoaffective and I do deliveries for doordash when I'm up to it.

I was out with my wife yesterday. Our pooch had her grooming appointment which takes a couple of hours. So, while she was getting all prettied up, my wife and I did some grocery shopping as well as shopping for some household goods we needed. I don't often go out like that.

Being out-&-about like we were yesterday exposes me to one trigger after another; plus it just absolutely wears me down to the point where my anxiety level is off the charts. It's a major struggle. And every time I know I'm going to be going out I know what I'm going to be facing because it's always the same.

Well I’m neither on disability nor married . Life is really tough and I’m looking for a break .

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May the break you need come your way...

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Originally Posted by Skeezyks I was out with my wife yesterday. Our pooch had her grooming appointment which takes a couple of hours. So, while she was getting all prettied up, my wife and I did some grocery shopping as well as shopping for some household goods we needed. I don't often go out like that. Being out-&-about like we were yesterday exposes me to one trigger after another; plus it just absolutely wears me down to the point where my anxiety level is off the charts. It's a major struggle. And every time I know I'm going to be going out I know what I'm going to be facing because it's always the same.

Yeah. THAT. I feel like my mind is in constant trigger mode. I feel for you, Skeez.

I chose to divorce and I chose to go back to work. Decisions I regret now but it’s too late to undo them. I could always go back on disability but I like not being dependent on the government and I also like not having to have sex with someone I don’t want to have sex with so…

I also regret ending my engagement however I don’t miss being called names, being lied to, etc, so this is where I’m at.

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If I am around other people, A LOT!!! If I'm at home in my reclusive happy place, not a lot...I'm happy.

24/7. Has been that way for over 9.5 years.

First it was just me trying to get through episodes, and the like.

Then it was getting therapy, psychoeducation and then I would process things all day. Or I'd try to work but I really was only doing the work to stay over the surface and not drown (needed it to have a purpose/direction)

It still is really like that, I guess now I can sometimes just enjoy things, and not just constantly process stuff, or read up on psychology for it etc. But still nearly 24/7 really and the work I do outside the psychology/processing still is me barely keeping over the surface.

All this is really because I spent a full decade not doing any of this and I just had the really bad anergic dysthymia, unmanaged and everything. There is a lot to catch up on. Not just those ten years, but also what I had going on before it, a lot of stress with zero support whatsoever until shutdown at the age of 18.