[Whereto52]

Hey,

It is becoming more concerning and as of lately more evident that I have no stable sense of self.

The way I feel or think changes within in hours. My opinions aren't the same even.
I have been trying to go into a certain direction or mantain a certain character. But it always switches.

Am I a calm person? Am I impulsive?etc.
I would not know an answer to this questions. Though I never really did. Since my teenage years I feel kind of lost. Don't really know who this person I see in the mirror is supposed to be.

It didn't bother at first but since it lastet this long it kind of scares me. I don't want it to stay that way because manouvering through life like this is confusing.

Im turning 22 in a few months and still can't really make out a clear picture of me.
Maybe this is normal at this age but since it has been going on for this long I don't really feel like this is normal anymore.

So how do I get a handle on this problem? Or should I just sit this out and let time do its thing?

Thx for the help in advance

I think it is normal at your age. I'm 30 years older than you and it's normal at my age too. I don't think anyone really has a good sense of who they are. We're all just doing the best we can with what life throws at us. Who I am today is nothing like who I was 10 years ago, let alone at your age. Life shapes us as it goes. Just put one foot in front of the other and do the best you can. You will learn along the way.

[MickeyCheeky]

i can relate a bit! i agree with the wise and wonderful AgentQ9A about this being normal at your age! At least i think it is normal. Like he/she said, people do tend to change as years go by. Just try to focus on the best possible version of yourself that you can be. Perhaps a therapist may be useful for this kind of self-analysis if you aren't already seeing one. Please do not give up. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Whereto52, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Whereto52]

Originally Posted by AgentQ9A

I think it is normal at your age. I'm 30 years older than you and it's normal at my age too. I don't think anyone really has a good sense of who they are. We're all just doing the best we can with what life throws at us. Who I am today is nothing like who I was 10 years ago, let alone at your age. Life shapes us as it goes. Just put one foot in front of the other and do the best you can. You will learn along the way.

Ok, I guess I just go along with it for now. Hopefully there is still room for growth or any growth at all. Sort feeling stuck or like I am even going backwards.
Thanks for the answer

[Whereto52]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

i can relate a bit! i agree with the wise and wonderful AgentQ9A about this being normal at your age! At least i think it is normal. Like he/she said, people do tend to change as years go by. Just try to focus on the best possible version of yourself that you can be. Perhaps a therapist may be useful for this kind of self-analysis if you aren't already seeing one. Please do not give up. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Whereto52, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Thanks! I certainly will try to be and act like the person I want to be the in the future. Guess it just needs a little more work and change focus.

What you are going through may be worth talking to a mental health counselor about. There are some diagnoses where an unstable sense of self is a component of the disorder. We can't diagnose here and maybe it would help you to talk to someone who can, or someone who can reassure you that you're ok.

Which brings me to the flip side: you are young still. It takes time and experience to become a fully formed person with an identity. And being calm sometimes and then impulsive other times, that's a lot of people. I think our society likes to put people in boxes too much: either you're calm or impulsive. You can be both and that's ok.

[*Beth*]

Therapy would expedite the process of finding your authentic self.

[MsLady]

I'd be curious to know more about your upbringing.

[seeker33]

I struggle with exactly the same issues. I wonder if you perhaps had a traumatic childhood, where you kinda lived two opposing lives or played different role (eg private vs public, or with different people where you behaved like two different people, or was there some sudden major change in your life?).

It could be chemical imbalance, as well.

[Whereto52]

Originally Posted by seeker33

I struggle with exactly the same issues. I wonder if you perhaps had a traumatic childhood, where you kinda lived two opposing lives or played different role (eg private vs public, or with different people where you behaved like two different people, or was there some sudden major change in your life?).

It could be chemical imbalance, as well.

I can't really decide what would be counted as traumatic. My childhood is something I really don't like to look back to. Very early on( maybe around 7 or even before) I was depressed, had nightmares every night,low self worth and a strong fear of abondentment. To be said, my parent broke up when I was 4 years old and my father did not really want to spend time with us. Moved out of the country when I was seven and had nearly zero contact with us for 3 years.
In those 3 years it became worse, I even considered ending my own life.

But I wouldn't really count that as trauma. It was just bad luck I guess.

I see that it says something about complex trauma in your Profil, what does that mean?

[Whereto52]

Originally Posted by MsLady

I'd be curious to know more about your upbringing.

I was raised with my brother by our mother since I was 4. Father wasn't around much, because he moved out of the country when I was 7. After that there was nearly no contact until I was 10.
Had depression even since I can remeber and after a alot of bullying experiences social anxiety was added to the pile of problems.

I see or at least read, that a lot of people whos parents divorced early and had one parent that was absent or resenting suffer from the same issuses appearently. Or it appears to be similar to what I struggle with.

[Whereto52]

Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy

What you are going through may be worth talking to a mental health counselor about. There are some diagnoses where an unstable sense of self is a component of the disorder. We can't diagnose here and maybe it would help you to talk to someone who can, or someone who can reassure you that you're ok.

Which brings me to the flip side: you are young still. It takes time and experience to become a fully formed person with an identity. And being calm sometimes and then impulsive other times, that's a lot of people. I think our society likes to put people in boxes too much: either you're calm or impulsive. You can be both and that's ok.

I will try for a new therapist when I get the sessions coverd by my insurance again. Would need to wait until next year or else it would cost me 80-100€ a session.

But people appear more consistent in their behaviour than I do. Ofcourse there is a lot to person that one will probably never see but they at least appear to be more true to themselves in every situation.
I kind of don't see that in my behavior.

[eskielover]

I have ALWAYS had core values since I can remember that are the foundation of who I am. Those values define what I am willing to do & no one can manipulate me into changing those values. I have built on them & formed some up even stronger but they define my actions & actions I tolerate from others. Without core values you have nothing to base your definition of who you are on.

[Whereto52]

Originally Posted by eskielover

I have ALWAYS had core values since I can remember that are the foundation of who I am. Those values define what I am willing to do & no one can manipulate me into changing those values. I have built on them & formed some up even stronger but they define my actions & actions I tolerate from others. Without core values you have nothing to base your definition of who you are on.

I guess that core values are something that change rarely. But im not sure if mine were actually core values or just things believed to kind of make it in the world.
There are things I still believe in or that I deem to be rightous. But the level changed or their hold on me( if that makes sense).

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by Whereto52

I guess that core values are something that change rarely. But im not sure if mine were actually core values or just things believed to kind of make it in the world.
There are things I still believe in or that I deem to be rightous. But the level changed or their hold on me( if that makes sense).

Makes sense but therein lies the problem