Promises?

I'm a person who doesn't like to break my promises, and once I swear on my word I refuse to withdraw it, no matter what the promise is. I know you can just say "break the promise" to my questions but I honestly can't break a promise unless I find some loophole in it.

So when is a promise not a promise? If someone is pressured to promise something, does it still qualify as a promise? What happens if there is two promises and they conflict with each other, would you keep the older promise or the newer one? If the person you promised to has passed away, is the promise still in effect?

I know everyone has different values and opinions on promises, just wanted everyone's 2 cents.

Well, Ledge, to me a promise is a promise. If I am not sure I can keep it I do not make it. I do not believe in "a promise is made to be broken". A promise is my word I keep it. HMMMM conflicting promises, how did you do that? But my opinion is the first promise wins. And whether to keep a promise to someone that has passed away. . . . well, you made a promise!!!! Hope I helped!

What great questions, Ledgewood. I think it also has to do with how much one values their word and whether they have issues with evaluating situations, how important they deem a particular promise.

I think it is all right to break promises if they cannot be fulfilled but it is not fault of the promiser. Promising a child a particular present or outing they're looking forward to then losing a job or something else unexpected that causes the "plans" to be changed, I would feel badly for the child if I had to break such a promise but I wouldn't feel it was my "fault" or guilty and beat myself up over it.

My grandmother promised to give me a horse before she died, when I was 4; I didn't learn until well after her death (and no horse :-) that she had grown up on a farm and had enjoyed horses, had a special one even. I don't feel bad that I didn't get a horse and it was pleasant at the time to be promised one, have that in the back of my little head to think about :-)

I think it takes two to make a promise and fulfill, break, or disappoint with it. A promise to me is just a kind of hope; it's talking about the future and since none of us can tell the future and what it might bring, I guess I think it's a good idea to stick words to the effect "if I am able" (and the creeks don't rise :-) in there somewhere when making it. Last week my dentist office called to remind me of my appointment (a promise that I'll "attend") the next day and I said I'd be there if the weather cooperated. I think that's wholly acceptable.

"If someone is pressured to promise something, does it still qualify as a promise?"
Ledgewood in my eyes if you are pressured to make a promise, theres your loop hole. Sometimes we make promises because we were young when we made the promise.
If you have made a promise so long ago, and now need to break it to recieve help then its ok to break it.
A promise under presure is never a good thing,

When my Dad was passing I promised I would take care of every one. meaning my mom and sister, I did with my mom. Now with my sister do i keep that promise till I am destroyed? no .........I have done my best now its time for me to let that one go...
Under pressure promises they are only good to pressure you, just my thoughts

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Ledgewood said:
So when is a promise not a promise? If someone is pressured to promise something, does it still qualify as a promise? What happens if there is two promises and they conflict with each other, would you keep the older promise or the newer one? If the person you promised to has passed away, is the promise still in effect?


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in life ppl make promises that they belive if they dont they will suffer concqunces, take child abuse for example, there are ppl out there that are told if they dont keep the promise their lives will be harmed or worse
then there are the promises that ppl make to keep the peace and as circumstaances change so do the promises
then there are promises that are made when ppl are dying at the time they are made hopping things will work out
but life doesnt work that way
as things in our lives change so do the promises we made change

Hi Ledgewood I believe that promises need to be kept if at all humanly possible with the exception of when it comes to someones physical safety.

In my opinion, being very cautious about making promises is the key to not being in a situation where you don't want to fulfill the promise. I'm very cautious myself and can't even remember the last time I made a promise.....it was probably to a friend here at Psych Central several years ago.

Hey, i just wanted to clarify my position on promises.

I think there are 2 types of promises - a) legal and b) moral.
The type of promise you are talking about is a moral promise. I think there is a difference between a promise and a obligation too.

Promise - A declaration assuring that one will or will not do something
Obligation - a course of action that is demanded of one, as by position, custom, law, or religion

As you can see again a promise is simply an assurance that something will be or will not be done. It is only upheld by our own morals nothing else.

If promises rely on our morals then they must be made in the position where we:

1. have moral freedom to decide to make the promise or not.
2. have the moral power to give valid consent to give up that freedom and give someone a promise (i believe we can only have moral power once we have formed our moral beliefs, thus promises are only truly made as adults).
3. can give consent to make the promise (.e.g not be forced in a 'promise')
4. make the promise in a situation that is free and informal

If any of these conditions fails, then a moralized promise has not been made. If individuals do not have the right kinds of rights (the liberties and powers above) or do not exercise them under the right conditions, then there are no promises; there are only supposed promises.

That's what i think anyway. Moral promises are those made and kept in good faith.

A promise is a personal thing, imo. If someone forces you into a promise, it is their desire, not truly yours and isn't valid.

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Moral promises are those made and kept in good faith.

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I'm glad you clarified this, as it is good faith expectations. This must allow for situations beyond our control that release us from such promises.

I think it's important to look at the reasoning behind your own beliefs about promises, and why you formed the ideas you did. It's perfectly ok to evaluate your position, and change it. Many carry staunch beliefs because of fear of losing reputation (which is prideful?)

It's always a good thing to follow through on what you honestly, earnestly want to do and promise to, but it is perfectly ok to not follow through when situations, whether physical or psychological, change and thus prevent you from keeping a promise.

TC

I still think, since promises are made about future events, that one can never be 100% sure one can fulfill them, no matter how much one may want to. I think one should try to keep one's promises but not beat one's self up if one isn't able to.

Vince you have already stated your loophole; 'someone is pressued to promise something'. The does not count as a promise as i think a promise is when you promise to do (or not do) something that YOU personally WANT and think you CAN do for someone; it is not something you agree to under pressure. (sorry, i don't know if that made much sense).
I do agree that promises should not be easily broken, but as Abby said; a promise is NOT the law. It is NOT an obligation.
As for conflicting promises; keep the more important promise; the one that does the most GOOD.
As for if you have made a promise to someone who has passed away, ONLY keep that promise if it benefits someone and/or you want to keep the promise in memory of the person (IF they are a good person - and we know he wasn't).
take care xxx