Have you ever actually wanted to kill someone who hurt you ?

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Originally Posted by Have Hope I believe in the notion of Karma so I don't wish death upon those who have hurt me. Hurtful and bad people get their lessons in due time. I think the best way to handle it is to live your best life, to let go of the anger and rage you feel over any injustices and pain, and to move forward in life, finding things to make you feel happy and fulfilled. As they say, happiness is the best revenge.

I so get this. My Ex-H (11 years after I left) told me when I was back in Calif for a court case against him, told me that he had expected I would come back after 2 years. When I didn't come back, he started to think I did leave because of him. Also let him know when I was there, that I have never been happier or more at peace than I am on my little farm in the country. That kinda sealed the fact that I did leave because of him without actually having to say it. Definitely the best revenge. ...besides I own my farm & he lost the house. He maybe owns his car. He fought getting a divorce when I lived there cause he said it would make him "look like a loser".....lol....ya think!!!! At least our daughter will have some inheritance even though I walked away from everything

I can't say I haven't had the thought, especially regarding my dad, but anytime I go down that road it always comes back to bite me in the #$$. Honestly, if I want to indulge a revenge fantasy, I'd rather these people experience sad, poetic justice. My dad has spent his life insulting, demeaning and abusing the people around him, but is terrified of being alone. The only people left in his life are my mother and myself and my mother is dying. When she passes, I'm not sticking around. I mean, he pushed everyone away. He can stew in indignation and anger at the injustice of it all. Of being alone. Unremarked. Forgotten. It's quite sad, but it's the bed he's made for himself.

You yourself dont deserve to be forgot though

Thanks....

I have felt that way myself because of what my mom and my brothers had done to me.

I like what Aurelius wrote. That was very well written.

I have heard, or read somewhere, that it is actually normal to wish these things on people who have repeatedly abused and/or humiliated us. It is not normal, however, to follow through with it.

I have had several people on that list over the years, and it shifts and changes based on time elapsed, and my own circumstances. The farther away from the circumstances I get, the less power it all has over me, definitely.

I do still hope that there is some kind of cosmic retribution waiting for them. Dante's Inferno is full of descriptions of hell, based on the level of sin you participated in, in life. I do recall the abusers, and the reputation destroyers, have a special place all their own---and it's one of the worst. That's good to think about.

Wishes for healing....

Perhaps when I was younger I wished someone dead, most likely two really sadistic math teachers - one who used to hit me in the head. (Both have died in recent years, so HA.)

These days, I mostly hope I'll never again come across anyone I wish dead.

Yes! I know that feeling so well I dreamt that I had killed that person. I could still feel what I felt in that dream. It felt as real as my feelings towards wanting to kill that person. I could also still feel the guilt.

I have actually wanted to kill people, yes. I never thought I'd ever have such a desire, but a few years ago in my darkest times of having so much hate for humanity, day in and day out, I'll put it this way, I could suddenly see how a mad person could go on a terrible shooting rampage. Such an awful time in my life, glad it's faded into the mist.

Toxic/abusive/disordered narcissistic individuals like to manipulate others emotionally. They see this causing emotional pain as empowering. They need to stand out and cannot thrive without others they can manipulate and feed off of. They thrive on drama and can act kind yet are not authentically kind and caring.

I have learned much about this toxic type. They have patterns and often claim to possess special powers. They live in their own world/reality and use, use, and act always needing to stand out. They are jealous and controlling and can have terrible tantrums if they feel threatened. Yet in reality they have low self esteem and are weak.

They pretend to mourn and care but they don’t, their interest is in having power and control. If your parents die and you need genuine comfort you get very little and what you do get if anything is a big inconvenience. It’s inconvenient to give up any power and a toxic person always needs validation and attention. You are only a guest in their world and if they don’t get what they want, they discard all the while playing the victim.

I do not care to let a toxic individual pull me into the corrupt mentality they want. Then they win. They don’t change either so it’s best to distance. They can get very good at getting others to follow and pitty them. It’s all part of their attempt to have some kind of relevance.

They get pretty good at using and word petting as they use but it’s fake.

No, but hurt them very badly. I've decided to hope karma gets to them though (still waiting).

The one thing a toxic person hates? The truth

That’s what I find myself wishing for. That the truth will be exposed.

That is so true.

I personally understand the feelings behind the need to off someone. The feelings of frustration for connection with people who aren't skilled in empathy (reciprocal connection in feeling heard and understood) is a formula for exponential frustration. It ends when you kill the need within yourself to bang your head against the same brick wall. Therapy gave me a new skillset of coping tools, but Thom Bond's Compassion Course sealed the deal because the course taught me to first listen to myself, feel my feelings because they guide me to my needs and then speak respectfully in wanting to know if the other person wants to connect differently in sharing mutual needs. Yes or no. Win/win either way. New tools brought into the mix or walk away peacefully. Your folks are old, perhaps stuck in their ways and may feel anxiety from the toxic shrapnel. I learned to watch over their care as Mom's adult child AND also claim my adult autonomy without becoming enmeshed in her drama. Very liberating. Especially when she went into a care home. She died at age 90 in her sleep, and I felt relieved without shedding a tear.

I never thought about actually killing anyone but there are some people I know that if I heard they passed away due to a freak accident or natural causes then I wouldn't lose any sleep over it. I wouldn't rejoice the fact that they're dead but I wouldn't be grieving either. I think it's actually very common to either wish someone died or at least wouldn't be affected if someone passed away. The most I've ever wanted to do was verbally attack someone and tell them exactly what I thought of them and their horrible arrogant personality but it doesn't go any further than that.

Sometimes out of anger and frustration we just feel this way.

I agree, death is the easy way out and that's why I'm always shocked when defendants beg for life in prison without parole instead of the death penalty because there's true suffering in life in prison without any possibility of parole. I agree that killing someone wouldn't do any good, there's no satisfaction and the only thing you would be doing is looking for the best attorney and potential life in prison, seeing someone having constant bad luck would be more satisfying and that's true karma.

I agree and most people have the self control and the knowledge they would spend the rest of their life in a concrete cell that prevents them from acting on their emotions. I think most murders are out of pure anger and loss of self control and I hear that more common on the news. Someone pisses another person off so badly that the person who is angry pulls out a gun or knife and kills the person in revenge. I think that is way more common than the premeditated murder due to psychopathic behavior.

That is true. They say that a psychopath brain is wired differently from a normal brain.

Yes, I have wanted to kill someone who hurt me. This impulse in me is buried so deeply, that if you were to ask me the same question when I feel fine, I would say no & I would totally believe myself. It’s only when I’m in the dark place that this feeling surfaces. I don’t have it in me to kill the person who hurt me though. I feel like I express this impulse more through self abuse & neglect.

I think everyone feels this way at some point.

When I was a teenager I thought long and hard about murdering my abusive mother, but not since then.

I thought about running away.

Yep exactly.

One of the benefits of getting old is that a lot of the people who hurt me have already died off of their own accord. Sadly there are, no doubt, people who'll be glad to hear of my demise as well... if in fact they ever do. (It won't be in the newspaper, so to speak.)