I know a school age teenager who I class as a friend who has been befriended by a man in his forties, the man has had a nasty accusation regarding a school age teenager in the not too distant past made about him. I have no way of proving or disproving this accusation its word againts word.

I dont know what to do with this although I know I must do somthing, I have a way of talking to the parents if need be, or do I talk to the teenager and hope they listen but I have no way of checking to make sure the teenager has listened and taken my advice.

As a parent I cant sit back and do nothing but I really dont know what I should do.

[DePressMe]

Hi Tishie, I try really hard to never give advice...but, I am going to now. If the teenager is in danger--sexually, physically or emotionally--I would do whatever it takes to help them. Talk with the teen but if need be, talk with the parents too. When I was a teen I was "befriended" by an older man. It lead to years of abuse. At the time, I did not realize it was abuse--I thought he loved me. In reality, he was just using me. I wish a parent or adult would have stepped in and helped me. It would have saved a lot of heartbreak. Of course, I would have been resistant and resentful at the time...because I was being manipulated by the man...but it would have been for my own good.

You are in a difficult situation...follow your heart and do what you think is right.

Yes she is going to be very very resentful.......

I dont think talking to the teenager will do anygood as I really have no way of knowing if they will continue being friends behind my back, I also know somone else has tried talking to her but got no where, but I am holding off on going to the parents as I dont want to over react, however if I do nothing and somthing happens I will never ever forgive myself.

I am so upset by all of this.

[DePressMe]

I am sorry you are upset Tishie. You are in a difficult spot. I don't believe there is such a thing as overreacting when it comes to the safety of our children--as long as it is done with honest intentions. I would rather have a teen who is ticked off at me than have a teen who gets abused....esp if I could have done something about it.

[I_WMD]

Tish you Know My way of .......* PUTS TAPE OVER MOUTH * ....... and that is my opinion .

[sabby]

((((((( Tishie & teen ))))))))

It certainly is a difficult thing to go through, but I also think of it this way....better to be safe than sorry! If something should happen to this young girl and you didn't say anything to her parents, how would that make you feel??? Wouldn't you want parents to come to you if it was your daughter in this position?

Yes, the teen will be angry....she will lash out. But patience and love on your part will show her the way and that you care enough to speak up even if it makes her angry. It will send a strong message to her and she will know that she can trust you to make the best decisions about her safety. Of course it may take awhile for her to get to that point, but she will...as she grows and matures.

Take care Tishie....and go with your gut instinct on this ok??? It won't steer you wrong!


sabby

[bebop]

I think I would talk to the parents about this issue. I know teens mostly think adults are trying to "run" their lives and whathave you but we do things to protect them. if a known sex offender is talking to our kids we need to talk to the parents.

I must stress it was only an accusation (although I believe it to be true) I have no proof that what he was/is accused of is true or not.

I think I will be phoning though, I dont see any other way out of this, I cant just 'leave' it.

[sabby]

(((((( Tishie ))))))

I know how hard it is to make this decision. I truly believe you are making the right choice.


sabby

[bebop]

I think even suspicions is enough to warrant the parents knowing.

[AAAAA]

(((((Tishie)))))

What choice do you have really? If the teen is like my own kids, he/she'll not listen to reason, or think that they can handle it on their own. I've tried to explain to my kids that the very thing that you think that you can't tell me is exactly what you NEED to share.

As a parent I think the only logical thing to do is contact the parent of the child involved. The kid will probably be angry, but safety is more important than anything else.

If the allegation is true, the elder person involved needs to be dealt with by the authorities, if it is an exaggeration or misunderstanding, the elder person is entitled to know that there is a problem with that particular friendship.

I am so sorry that you've been placed in this position. But imo you have no choice, you have to tell the parents!

[Doh2007]

If the teenager is under 18, talk to the parents. If over, talk to the teenager. And it isn't up to you to control the outcome.

[AAAAA]

I agree Doh2007 as hard as the situation is, it is black and white. Under the age of 18 the parents must be informed. I know it'll be a difficult call to make, but wouldn't you want to know if it was one of your own kids?

(((((Tishie))))) Good luck hon! I'm praying for strength and guidance for you!

[eskielover]

I know this is a tough position for you to be in, but I am still learning one thing over my 54 years of life......when I have a gut feeling about what I should do about something....I HAVE TO ACT ON IT....because if I don't, I always regret that I didn't do what my inside voice told me to do. Everytime I try to second guess what that little voice is saying & try to logic my way out of doing what it says, I ALWAYS regret it.

The teen will definitely react.....they always get angry when they feel someone is controling their lives.....we still feel that way as adults....however, there is a long term effect when later on in her life when she looks back at the situation & is grateful that someone cared enough about her to take a positive action & protect her from a horrible situation.

I guess I would start by talking with the parents....they are the only ones that have any actual CONTROL over the teen (as much control as parents have over a teen....lol). After that, you might in the future talk with the teen & explain what it was that you heard to create the reaction you had against the person, so that she knows the WHY for the warning.

I know you will do the RIGHT thing,
Debbie

I did it.

[Peanuts]

I think you did the right thing. The teen will get over it in time.

[Danialla]

I want to thank you from all the children/teens who have suffered at the hands of some adult who "befriended" them.

I am sure that it was a very difficult decision, but I really think you did the right thing.

Thank you!

IMO - Adults in their 40's don't hang with teenagers, unless they are related to them, teach/coach them, sell them laptops/cellphones, act as a probation/truant officer....or are up to no good.

I would definately tell a parent.

i bet you are jumping to conclusions and this person is actually a nice guy

[AAAAA]

(((((Tishie))))) I'm so proud of you!

Court_knee I am glad that your life to this point has not lead you to suspect the motives of others. It means that you have been safe and that is wonderful. Please remember to listen to the inner voice, if something doesn't seem right, it probably isn't.

[Peanuts]

A 40 something adult man has no business getting involved with a teenage girl - and I am not talking about adult men who are related, teachers, ministers, coaches. I'm talking about a man with no business being involved with a teen girl.

A normal 40 something man should not be looking for a meaningful relationship with a teen girl - he would be looking for another adult.

You did the right thing Tish. The situation is best left in the hands of the parents now.

[mrsmoggles]

Just saw this post and wanted to say I think talking to parents was right thing...hugs and i hope you feel GREAT about being proactive to someones health and welfare!!! ~melanie

[youOme]

I'm considering the teenager here when I say it's probably best if you go to the teen first and talk to her. Hint around inappropriate relationships or something and see if she brings it up herself. Maybe there is apart of the teen that is dying to let this out but is scared too.

Just because your suspicious doesn't mean it's actually happening. This is a very serious accusation that could destroy this teachers life. I'd be sure to validate your vibes on this one.

firstly its too late I have already spoken to the parents and it was the right thing to do it has already been dealt with in the right way, secondly I never once said it was a teacher.