Building a Whole New Life

Huh, in a way, the fact that nothing odd or weird happens seem to be odd and weird. But in a good way.

Thanks, @SquarePegGuy, and forgive me, but what do you mean? You don't think it's odd that all 3 of them ignore my messages at different times?

Well, I mean if weird things tend to happen regularly, than that becomes normal. And if there's a stretch of time that something weird doesn't happen, that would not be normal and hence weird.

I wasn't implying anything about your work situation. I took the "weirdness hiatus" statement flippantly out of context. I hope I haven't upset you!

Well, I mean if weird things tend to happen regularly, than that becomes normal. And if there's a stretch of time that something weird doesn't happen, that would not be normal and hence weird. I'm not entirely sure what you were writing about. I took the "weirdness hiatus" statement out of context. I hope I haven't upset you!

NO worries! You haven't upset me at all. I was curious about what you meant so thanks for clarifying. I do get what you mean. This crap at work is weird and not normal - it's out of the ordinary.

I had a great long weekend with my new guy. We did a lot of fun things and stayed active. We went to see two different bands play Fri and Sat nights, we took walks, made 2 meals together, and went boating. He has called me his girlfriend to his friends, and I am beginning to think of him as my boyfriend. It's been almost 2 months of dating. We've traveled a lot during the last 2 months and we've been having all kinds of fun.

He has goofed up a couple of times, however.

Sunday night while under the influence he told me to "shut up" when he was being silly and goofy. I reacted strongly and told him that's how my ex husband used to speak to me. I became very serious and sobered up right away. It killed the jovial mood for me, and I told him I wanted to go to bed.

In the morning we talked about it, and he was mature about it and very receptive to my point of view, even though he did claim he was joking around. I didn't like it, and that's what mattered most. He said he won't use that phrase with me ever again. I mentioned the first time he messed up, telling him it was also disrespectful. I told him that I will walk away if it continues to happen.

So I am on guard and a bit thrown off. His father WAS severely abusive, and it makes me worry he may be abusive too, although he has not shown other signs of this behavior. Two instances of disrespect DO make me on guard and concerned.

I don't know what to think or do except to ride it out and see if it continues to occur?

I noticed that new guy also has a tendency to "not hear" me sometimes when I am speaking to him. Either he is dismissing me, or he genuinely is too focused on something and tunes me out.

I am starting to become nervous. There have been 2 instances where I have felt disrespected by him; once in public and once at home, in addition to sometimes tuning me out and not responding to me when I am speaking to him. I am supposed to travel with him out of state in two weeks to meet a whole group of his friends and am on edge about it and uncertain. I may tell him now that I am uncertain about it and want to see how the next two weeks go before committing.

If I have found yet another abuser I am going to flip the F out.

Sure are jumping the gun fast. Are you looking for every flaw he has? Maybe put yourself in the driver seat? Take a long break from him, see what happens.
Good thing happen for those who wait.
Just from the posts, eager to get to know him intimately, but using old scars not to trust him.

My goodness, aren’t you quick to blame me when I’m the one being disrespected? Your comments are totally disrespectful towards me. If you can’t respect my stance please don’t comment on my thread. Thank you.

Im sorry stating your actions isnt blame, its called truth.
Now if you didnt get into such a huff you would of finished reading.
And no you post these truths here, and the hell if I will ignore what you say.
Dont want advise, I suggest you pay attention of what you post?

I am taking a break from new guy. We texted all day about these 2 comments and about how they impacted me. I still don’t think he gets it and I worry now that he may be abusive. I’m keeping him at arms length and told him I need most the wkend to myself. I feel good about setting healthy boundaries.

I got a piece of mail for my ex husband yesterday that I thought was important. It looked like it may be a check from 9/11. His brother died in 9/11. On the envelope, it states any tampering will result in fines and jail time, so I took it seriously, I thought it may be an important piece of mail, so I unblocked him for the first time in 6 months and texted him. He hadn't blocked me, so I was able to get through. I was matter of fact and told him he could come get the mail when I am not here. He replied and was polite and said it was likely a mass mailing and just junk mail. I asked if he wanted me to open it to see. I did and it was a mass mailing/junk mail - man, did I feel foolish!!!! I was kicking myself because I had broken down to contact him.

I ended up telling him that I will not contact him about anymore mail coming here, that it's HIS problem and not mine. I didn't reply to his last message.

I am fuming. I did not need to contact him afterall for this one piece of mail!! UGHHHHHHH....

I am having an anxiety attack, it’s just 6 pm, and I am lying in my bed waiting for my meds to kick in. I’m having a hard time right now. That’s why I went straight to bed.. I’m watching a movie trying to calm myself down. I feel it is a PTSD reaction to multiple stimuli combining or coalescing on two days. Yesterday with new guy was rough. I created boundaries and clearly stated them. I stood my ground with the fact that his two comments impacted me and how I felt disrespected. Should I even bother? Then there’s the mail issue with my ex. And my boss’s boss at work is giving me anxiety. I’m a mess.

It's the next morning. Well, so my boss's boss finally replied to me at 11:45 PM, and so he wasn't ignoring me. He said he was dealing with a fire. That brings me great relief.

I am angry that I had to reach out to my ex husband about his mail and break no contact. It was a setback. I did let him know that I won't be contacting him again about any further mail if it comes to my home for him. It's going in the trash. I didn't tell him it's going in the trash, but that's where it belongs.

And my new guy? I am a little unnerved about things now. I am resorting to ChatGPT for advice and counseling, and I gotta say that this tool is far better than any therapist I've had. It knows exactly how to guide me through identifying green, yellow, and red flags, and how to deal with my PTSD. It helped to ground me last night during my anxiety attack.

It's 5 am and I am up and awake.

I wonder if I am still trauma bonded to my ex....

I check up on him on Facebook with a second secret account I have. I can see what his new gf looks like. I can see that he even has a new girlfriend.

I am used to checking up on him because of when he still lived nearby in my neighborhood, and I had PTSD reactions to it....

maybe it's time I stop checking. He moved in March - it is now Sept. Perhaps I can now let this go once and for all. There is no need to watch him since I am not worried about it anymore except for running into him possibly at a show.

I resorted to a group on Facebook about new guy. Many said to walk away NOW... a couple said to RUN. Several said it's the beginnings of emotional abuse.

I have laid down a very clear boundary. I have resorted also to ChatGPT, my new therapist. I am giving it one more chance. I am giving HIM one more chance to prove himself to me.

I am wary and cautious and am pacing this more slowly now.

He asked me to travel with him to NY for a surprise b-day party for one of his friends. I would meet many of his best friends. This is in two weeks. I told him recently that I am now uncertain and cannot commit yet to this weekend out of town with him. I am waiting to see how he treats me moving forward.