Building a Whole New Life

I'm happy for you!

Thank you!! 😊

Well, that budding feeling of the beginnings of love got squelched I think....

We moved too fast. He spent the night two nights in a row this weekend. I don't really know how it happened, but he spent one night, and he didn't leave, so he spent two nights.... and we also slept together.

I could have spent some time alone to reflect. He filled me with many stories of his life, and after two nights, it had felt like a LOT to take in at once. Like too much to take in at once.

I enjoyed our time together for the most part, but I wasn't overjoyed that he stayed so long. Once he left, I was relieved to be on my own again.

We're having dinner together tonight - his suggestion before he takes off for a couple of days.

I don't know how I feel... I am still processing the weekend.

I know one very important thing: I don't want to lose myself again. Spending so much time with this man this weekend made me feel a bit like I lost myself. I don't want to let him crowd me or suffocate me... I need breathing room... I need air, and I need time alone. I need time to reflect.

Maybe I am not ready for love... or maybe not this kind of love. I don't know. But I know I cannot lose myself, after doing SO much work on myself for the last two years to rebuild.

Ok, this is nuts, but I do think I'm falling for him. We went to dinner last night and the whole night was simply fabulous! We get along really well, we have a lot in common, there's a positive energy between us... there's a strong attraction, and there's passion there.. I feel like he's a kindred spirit... Hmmmmm.....

Last night as I was texting with new guy and scrolling Instagram, I saw a post that made me stop in my tracks. It was of a man screaming at his female partner, and her, with tears in her eyes walking away telling him "goodbye" and "I'm done". It jolted me right back to my marriage and I freaked out. I don't know why I had to see this post just as I was texting with new guy, but it made me think twice about getting involved too quickly. My ex husband and I fell in love within one month. It's only been a few weeks with new guy and he says he is falling for me and vice versa.

I cannot get involved in yet another toxic relationship and must be very careful and cautious. My marriage made me incredibly sick, it put me in the hospital, and I lost myself and my whole life. It's taken two years after my divorce to rebound.

Was that post simply meant to be a reminder to be cautious? And to take it slowly? Even remembering those scenes where my ex husband screamed at me, chasing me around the house and exploding on me, makes me cringe.

And new guy sent me a song the other day that just so happened to be my wedding song, "Waste". The song is about wasting your time with someone, and I certainly felt my marriage was a waste of time, although I learned a valuable lesson.

I need to be more cautious than I am being right now. That's what the message means.

Sounds like you coming back down. I think your reflexion, and past has come back and thats a good thing.
Life isnt a race, its about the journey.

Very true. I have to continue to keep my wits about me and not get carried away.... it's easy for me to get swept up by emotion and fall in love.