Naked Baby

I'm so mad and disappointed with my nephew and his wife for putting a naked picture of their baby girl on their myspace. The girl is about 15 months old and is standing in the bath tub. Why would anyone do this? Are they naive or just stupid?

I mentioned my feelings about it to my sister and she agreed with me and told them what I said. Now the wife is acting angry and acting out.....again.

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I'm guessing that your concern is that someone might look at that picture and sexualize it. Most people can't even begin to fathom how or why someone would or could do so. Your nephew's wife is probably one of these people. In her mind, she's only sharing a picture of her beautiful child. I also suspect that when most people look at that picture, that's all they'll see -- it's just a naked baby, an expression of nature, innocence and purity -- it's not a sex or power symbol

Those that don't see that are likely to be those who are aware that children -- even children of only a few months old -- can be sexualized and used by others. They have come to that awareness either through their own experience of being abused, by working with people who have been abused, or by being an abuser themselves. They have seen a different vision of reality that those who see only innocence and purity have not seen.

I don't know for certain but I suspect that an abuser could look at a fully clothed child or a naked child and still see the same thing. Therefore, where should we draw the line? Should we say to a parent, "Don't ever share your child's beauty because someone else might misinterpret that?" I don't feel any anger against the mother because I think her motive is as innocent as her child's body. If fault or blame is to be assigned, it belongs to those who impose a distorted and adult sexuality upon the child.

However, like you, I couldn't deny that terrible things happen to children and that the adults around a child are in the best position to protect that child as necessary. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a baby or a child's nakedness but it would probably be most prudent to not share those pictures in an environment where you cannot control who sees them. Some online environments allow the user to impose controls on who can view their personal information -- I think facebook is one example (others can only view by personal invitation). I don't know if myspace offers the same kind of controls or if the potential is there for thousands of viewers to see that picture. It's possible that your nephew and his wife are naive as to the workings of the internet itself but they're also sensitive to being judged as parents who don't love and care for their child.

Your post implies that your relationship with your nephew's wife is already somewhat strained. If you wish to ease the strain it might help to recognize the innocence of her intent as coupled with your desire to protect . You mutually seem to see something beautiful in this child that is worthy of both sharing and of protecting. Children should know that they are beautiful and that beauty should be protected. You both seem like good adults for this child to have in his/her life.

Interesting article I read:

http://www.blogsrater.com/artdb-is-p...dangerous.html

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Perna: Interesting article I read:

http://www.blogsrater.com/artdb-is-posting-children-s-pictures-online-dangerous.html

From the site you linked...

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<font size=4>Keys to Sexual Abuse Prevention:</font>

1. Understand the problem
Few parents have a true realization of the problem. Years of media myths and bad information from advocate organizations has ensured a lack of real understanding. Parents need to be willing to address the subject with an open mind, and learn more about how molestation really occurs in order to protect their children.

2. Don’t assume you’re already Ok
Surveys show the vast majority of parents think their children are protected. However, when the same parents are given knowledge tests on the subject, none score high enough to provide any sort of protection. Most parents still make common mistakes that actually help molesters out. Parents are getting no respect from pedophiles, who brag about how clueless parents are to stop their deeds. Let’s change that. Don’t make the mistake of assuming your child is already OK or would tell you if something happened, because chances are that isn’t the case.

3. Address all aspects
Your children are not protected simply because you talk about their private parts, or even good or bad touches. There are multiple concepts that go into effective prevention, and all need to be addressed in order to protect your child. Our programs address all subjects, such as conditioning, good and bad touches, basic prevention rules, body awareness, people perceptions, and vulnerability issues.

4. Address the psychology of abuse
True prevention is more than just giving your children facts about what to do. Our programs also build them up in areas of susceptibility that make them easy targets, giving them the psychological tools to withstand an incident.

5. Once isn’t enough
The problem with many safety programs, and most parent efforts when it comes to teaching safety, is that giving your child a few safety rules to follow isn’t enough. Children need context for the instructions to make sense, and repetition to ensure that they will be able to use the information in a true emergency. Our children’s books give kids both of that. If you can commit to 10 or 15 minutes before bedtime once every couple weeks, we can do the rest. Your child will obtain the skills they need to defeat abuse.

6. Getting started.....
A. Our Parent’s Book is filled with everything parents need to know. A full version can be downloaded for free from our site using the link below. We suggest you print out a chapter at a time, and read it when you have a spare moment.

B. Safety train your kids with the Children’s Books. These books help parents give kids complete safety training without the guesswork, in a fun way that kids will enjoy. Get started today with our collection of free online books for sexual abuse prevention


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I've been reading through the Parent's Guide to Prevention that's available as a free download at their site. It's lengthy, but seems to be well grounded in reality and is concerned with cutting through any myths as a means of presenting an accurate picture of the reality of childhood sexual abuse.

Others who might wish to read the guide should be aware that the content can be disturbing and possibly, triggering. For example, it's discomforting to know that most sexual abuse unfolds at the hands of those known to the child. Most of us probably do not want to consider that those we identify as friends, family members or holding respected roles within society (e.g. teachers, ministers, counselors) would ever do something recognized as harmful to our child.

The guide is also challenging in pointing out that nudity and physical touch are part of the human experience. Sometimes, we see abuse where no abuse is really taking place. For example, the author asks us to consider if the following situations are an indication that sexual abuse is occurring: A mother who breastfeeds her infant; a family who bathes or sleeps together; a grandmother kissing a child who doesn't want to be kissed; a teacher hugging a child; a family who goes to nude beaches, etc.

The guide also points out that most molesters are not monsters. In many other respects we may know them to be kind, helpful, ethical, respected, etc. Yet, wouldn't we all prefer that child abusers could be easily identified by horns on their head and cloved feet? Then we could tell our children, "Stay clear of the monsters but it's okay to go to the park with that nice neighbor who brought us over a casserole when daddy had that accident and was out of work."

I haven't yet gotten to the part where they talk about prevention, but what I've read so far has certainly kept me reading.

I would strongly suggest that their page be made private and available to FRIENDS only.......pat p.s. that is if they choose to leave the photograph up!!

I have known of two separate pages that pedophiles owned on MySpace. Both were taken down after the proper people were notified. However, anything can happen quickly there.

IMO - your family members are probably just looking at the pic as all proud parents do - with total LoVe for the child....... I too have many naked pics of my boys when they were one years old in the bath tub - the only difference here is that I only show those pics to family or real close friends.

I am so sorry that everyone justifyes actions like that of your daughter. Sure it is just innocent, but it's rude. Think of how the daughter will feel later on in life when Mother tells her that her naked body at 15 months old was on the internet for ALL to see.

It's one thing to take the photos of your naked child & keep them in your photo books & leter let the future partner see them so you can embarass the #$)) out of you child when they are there, but to this was just thoughtlessly rude for a mother to do.

That is the problem these days....no one feels the need to think through the consequenses of their actions & then everyone just says how innocent they were....I think that some actions are just plain STUPID & the person doesn't have the sense enough to think about what they are actually doing before they do it.

I am with you Ozzie. The childs naked body is a very very very private thing & posting it on the internet just because it's CUTE is absurd!!!!!!!

You had every right to feel the way you do OZZIE & don't let anyone pressure into going against your moral values.

You have my complete support,
Debbie

I guess I'm not sure why you're mad and disappointed, Ozzie; looks like some of us have a couple different thoughts on why we might be upset in a simiar situation but not sure what your issue is with your nephew and his wife's way to doing things?

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I haven't yet gotten to the part where they talk about prevention...

Prevention information starts around page 48. An excerpt follows:

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Raising Sexually Healthy Children
Raising sexually healthy children is very important to abuse prevention, not to mention, a child's overall development. We unfortunately live in a society where sexuality, and more important, the sexual organs, are treated as something dirty and disgusting. We learn from a very young age that we should be ashamed of our sexual organs. They are something private and not to be discussed. They must be covered at all times and kept to ourselves. The words penis or vagina are often times regarded as dirty words or as "potty talk". This is something that has to change in order to better protect our children.

Because of this type of upbringing, children learn to feel ashamed of their sexual organs and therefore uneasy when talking about them. It creates an uncomfortable barrier between the child and parent when it comes to anything on the subject of sexuality. This then leads to cases not being reported and will subject the child to more abuse. It also amplifies their emotional burden and shame from the abuse.

Children need to be raised in a sexually healthy manner in order to be truly protected from sexual abuse. The bottom line is, how do you expect a child to be able to tell you someone may be doing something bad to their body if he or she can't even speak about their private area comfortably? If they can't even say the word penis or vagina in front of you in comfort, how do you expect them to be able to tell you about sexual abuse, something much more uncomfortable?

Defining a sexually healthy child
So what then is a sexually healthy child? Does this mean that children know every little detail about their sexual parts or what they are used for? Does it mean that you will need to go over sex education with your 4 year old? Quite the contrary. A sexually healthy child is simply a child that is comfortable with all parts of their body and does not show any shame when talking about his or her sexual organs. A sexually healthy child will be able to tell you "my vagina hurts" without giggling or being shy. He or she when asked to name his or her sexual parts will show no shame or discomfort in doing so. Children are born either a girl or a boy. Their reproductive parts are as much a part of their body as their fingers and toes. Why should they be ashamed of their sexual organs?

It also means that children are raised in an environment where human sexuality is addressed, not shuffled into a dark closet. When parents hush questions and the natural explorations children have that are of a sexual nature, the result is they close down communication of that subject with their children.

Out of all the abuse precautions you can take with your children, this is one of the most important. Many parents often close the environment in an attempt to protect their children. They throw a fit if their child is naked. They make a big deal about gentials being "private" and to themselves. They hold back on shorts or skirts for the fear that it is showing too much. A molester will not care what your child is wearing. A molester does not need free-spirited children who are allowed to go nude to do their work, in fact, they would prefer otherwise.

A child who is uncomfortable with talking about his or her sexual organs will have a harder time telling anyone that someone is doing something bad to them. A child who is raised in a closed environment has only the information a molester gives them regarding sexuality, what is normal, and what isn't. A child who is raised in a closed environment, plain and simply, makes an easy target.

So what does this mean for parents? Raising your children in a sexually healthy manner will require some slight changes in yourself and your lifestyle. It does not involve uncomfortable heart-to-heart talks, or major household changes. Rather, it simply means altering your home lifestyle to allow for an environment open to sexuality. Taking responsibility for your children's sexual development, rather than running from the issue and leaving them to gather insight from others.

Some guidelines for sexually healthy children[*] Children's natural self-expression is encouraged, not punished.[*] Honest answers to sexuality are given when asked, though in child friendly terms.[*] Children are taught to speak of their genital area freely, without shame.[*] Human sexuality is not resorted to uncomfortable talks, and it is not hushed, but rather means honest answers to children's questions as they arise.[*] Sexuality is dealt with as soon as children are surrounded by it. (2 or 3 years old)[*] Steps are taken to counter the influence children learn from media regarding sexuality, when it arises.[*] Raising children to be comfortable discussing <u>any</u> subject with their parents.

Source: Parent's Guide to Prevention [PDF File]



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Of course, I pop in here.....probably because of the things I in my own personal life am going through. It has placed a huge soap box under me....so high right now that if I fell of, it would definitely be like jumping off the empire state building.

This post fits right in....people justifying inapropriate behavior because it's innocent. If an essay about preditors doesn't say it's wrong, then there isn't anything wrong with it. What about privacy.....did anyone ask the 15 month old if when she was a teenager, trying to be a popular GOOD girl in school, someone goes back & pulls up this CUTE INNOCENT naked photo of her at 15 months old. Does anyone thing far enough ahead in this life anymore to understand there are consequenses to our behavior that goes far beyond what we can even imaging. Those consequenses may not have anything to do with preditors....it may just have to do with a girl trying to fit into school.

Our parents did crappy things to us & we swore we wouldn't treat our children the same way....look at us? We just find stupid other things to mess up their lives with because we just don't see anything wrong with it.

Whatever happened to privacy.....whatever happened to keeping certain things to ourselves & our families? Why isn't our gut feelings telling what is right & wrong anymore? Why is society justifuing everything that is done....so we can all see why everyone does what they do & pride ourselves as being understanding people? As we continue to justify things that gut feelings tell people is wrong, that justifyed action becomes more & more acceptable. Pretty soon, because we can justify that someone kills someone, society will less & less see the wrong in it. Someday, in will become acceptable to kill who ever we please because we understand why someone does it? That gives them a right to do that action because they are justifyed?

This issue of justified behavior is something I have been dealing with in my own life & this post just really triggered that point with me.....I am just so tired of wrong things being justified to the point where the person doesn't even know right from wrong anymore.

Please understand, this post is definitely my point of view. based on my own experiences & what I have been observing in society all around me lately.....& sadly, at this point, the soap box I was on exploded today & the fall out is huge.

I still believe that Ozzie knows as maybe nothing more than a gut feeling that posting the photo was wrong & far from keeping private things private.....sometimes gut feelings are what is really right & they should be listened to.

Ozzie, please don't be swayed by justifications if know inside your feelings are right. Keep your beliefs, what you truely believe.
Debbie
Debbie

Susan, if your heart tells you it's wrong, IT'S WRONG! Seeing that picture hurt your sensibilities. It would have done the same to me.

There USE to be a pic of my ex in the tub with my oldest boy washing his back. Nothing was exposed on either one of them, but when my oldest son, then an adult, ran across it, he ripped it up without even asking me. It hurt HIS sensibilities, too! It embarrased him. No doubt this little girl will feel the same way when she grows up and sees that picture.

Also, I understand that pictures of naked babies, even on their tummy or bear skin rugs are NOT being developed anymore by photo services at drug stores and such because of pedophiles. Someone has the right idea!

I think my aunt had the right idea - she always was sure to cover private areas with something before taking the picture. She has one of my cousin in the baby tub at a couple months old, but there are strategically placed washcloths that keep her privates..well, private.

If someone hasn't already picked that picture up and put it on their computer, they can. And then the baby becomes the object of someone's sick desires.

I do not understand the parent's reasoning behind this. Even if you want to show off your baby, you don't put her naked on MySpace.

Ozzie, hold your ground.

Thank to everyone for your comments. I especially appreciate those of you who feel as I do and I'm very sorry for those of you who don't.

I have to say that by putting your naked children's pictures on the Internet is asking for possible trouble from perverts, especially when you've told those possible preditors on myspace what town you live in and what school you attended.

This has nothing to do with raising your child to have a healthy view of sex or anything else positive. It has nothing to do with how much you love your child or how proud you are of your child. Part of loving a child is protecting your child. If parents don't, who will?

It also has nothing to do with how I view these pictures .....I've never had any kind of sexual abuse situation in my life, so that doesn't come to my mind easily. I do however pay attention to the news and have a decent knowledge of the Internet.

For those of you who don't know me, I'm a 61 year old female who has raised four of my own children. I can tell you with 100% certainty that none of my grandchildrens naked pictures were ever put on the Internet. (we had no Internet when my children were young) I'm very distressed that my sister had to see her little granddaughter subjected to this.

((((((((((( Ozzie )))))))))))))

Burying our heads in the sand or using ignorance and innocense as an excuse will NOT help perpetuate a safer environment especially on the net!

I completely agree with your stance here and say that someone needs a real wake up call here! Maybe you can forward some websites dedicated to educating folks on the pitfalls of doing what was done here. Educate them on those pitfalls, no matter how difficult it is to read about....the knowledge will go a long way in protecting that child.


sabby

Maybe I'll write about it on my blog at myspace and other sites as well. Thanks again to everyone for your input. I really appreciate it!

Debbie I completely agree with you ; we do need to keep certain things private .
Lily

May I ask if it's the pictures that you find offensive or the fact that they're posted on the web or both?

People should def. be careful when doing this...

Personally, I wouldn't...only me and daddy can see my babies naked..ya know!

But sometimes people forget about all those sick twisted freaks out there and make a mistake...

It's most definitely the fact that the pictures were put on the Internet for everyone to see.

I decided to write an article on my blog about it this because I would like to help caution others not to do this. Anyone who will stop and think about it for a little while won't want to put their child's naked picture on the Internet!!!

We could all help spread the word to young parents who don't know any better.

I know that I can’t change reality, but it makes me sad that it’s come to this. I have pictures of my kids in the tub, my eldest went through a streak where he didn’t wear clothes at all unless we were leaving the house.