Frustrated with limitations from mental illness

How do I look at this better?

I was interested in this program, but talked to the admissions guy, and it's kinda insane. The insane I like, but the insane I can't handle. 3 semesters a year for likely 3 years, full time, 30 clinic hours a week/12-16 lecture hours a week, 10% acceptance rate, etcetera etcetera.

It would be great IF I KNEW I COULD GO THREE YEARS WITHOUT BEING HOSPITALIZED AND FKING IT ALL UP!!!!! But, nooo, the longest I've gone without being IP in the past decade was only 9 months and that was because I was seeing a proper drug dealer instead of a psychiatrist (who is more willing to send you to the ER if you're unwell).

And then there's this stupid daily med management BS. Sometimes I can ask 3+ days in advance or there's a holiday they don't do med runs and I'll get one day's worth with the day prior's, but I don't like doing things on holidays (crowds/traffic). I like hiking, which is usually the reason I want meds beforehand, and you can NOT predict White Mountain weather 3+ days in advance. Can hardly predict it 12 hours in advance, especially the Prezis.

I almost hate that bipolar is episodic. It's torture thinking "but it won't last long enough to be able to feel like I have a real life," every time I'm not in an episode.

I just finished reading your post and want to tell you how sorry I am that you are in that frustrating and unhappy situation. Wish I knew what to say to help. What a heavy, heavy burden you bear!!!

Could not be said better.

I feel your frustration. I've read somewhere that grief isn't just a response to the death of a loved one. It can come about when dreams go unfulfilled.

There is an evidence - based therapy for bipolar called social rhythms therapy. Practitioners are advised to start this type of therapy by allowing the client to grieve the loss of themselves as they predated illness. To grieve the loss of dreams.

Thanks, tart. I read the wiki on this. I would turn down eg lunch invites because i foubd them too disruptive. One day could upset my entire week or more. Recently switching to all mail order prescriptions has calmed my schedule and my heart immeasurably!

I know my family never informed me of plans, it was a running joke. So i was always being unpleasantly surprised and my attempts at stability upset. But its hard to figure out what it should look like when youve never had it. When youve always depended on that hit of adrenalin to organuze yurself. I used to say when i was working, i didnt really wake up until i yelled at my first ahole on the expressway.

I have been limited by my symptoms. Firstly, it took 30 years before I saw the pattern. Every 8 years or so I would go down for 6 months and have a breakdown, then it would take 18 months to get back to level. Over 40 years, I spent 20% actively battling severe anxiety and insomnia.
In between those years, I would work my tail off hoping to never have to visit the dark place again. I graduated at the top of my class with a degree in electronics technology and was interviewed by the NSA who wanted to hire me to travel with the executive branch and encrypt their communications. (I had served 3 years as a Military Policeman in the Army and set production records at my job at the steel mill). I had to decline the job because I was hiding a neuro psychiatric illness. I got straight As in the mathematics program at a local college. I aced 4 levels of calculus and a couple of 300 level math courses. A computer program I wrote was used by the head of the math department to discover a flaw in the most prevalent microprocessor of the day. He was featured in Time magazine. It cost the manufacturer 4-600 million in stock value. He offered to allow me to complete my math degree from home. Instead, I dropped out because I was having another meltdown and I needed to concentrate on staying employed at my day job. By the time I learned enough to be able to assert control over my illness, there wasn't enough time left to pursue higher goals. Still there is something to be said for aiming for the stars and falling short and only attaining the moon. I'm having the best years of my life. Not sure for how long, but I am thankful.

Oh yeah, there's no getting a security clearance with a history of mental illness.

history of *diagnosed* mental illness.

I can think of a figure or two with some symptomatology that have access to some pretty secret stuff...

Too true, @MuddyBoots

Around 2020 I was thinking of buying another handgun. I knew I had been TDO'd and briefly committed but I received no treatment. There was language on the ATF form which said if your commitment was for observation only, it didn't restrict your firearm rights. I wasn't sure how to find out if my rights had been restricted or not. I contacted the state police NICS office, and they were the people to talk to but I didn't know that for sure. They wouldn't give me a straight answer to the simple question "have my rights been restricted or not." So I moved on. Then I decided to purchase a long rifle, and I did not believe I needed to fill out the ATF form but I was wrong again. I answered the TDO question incorrectly and learned my rights had been restricted. So I called the NICS office again and said I would like an email stating I had tried to learn of my rights status from your office and I was turned away. They got mad and said hell no.I asked why they didn't give me a straight answer and they said it was a privacy issue. Well, they could have emailed me a release and I would have signed it and sent it back. So the NICS guy asks me what felony I had been convicted of. I said I was never convicted of a felony. Oh, if it was for mental health, he says, I could have told you straight up you were restricted. In other words, some felony convictions don't restrict your firearm rights, but every mental health commitment will. So I petitioned the court and had my rights restored. I went to the gun shop that had been holding the rifle I had payed for. I had to fill out the background check once more, and came to the question...have you ever been committed. I asked the dealer how I should answer. He knows my rights were reinstated. He checked a reference manual and said " you have to answer no." Go figure. Also, I began working for a government agency a few years back. I had to go to the sheriff's office and get digital fingerprints and submit them to the Army security agency for clearance to use the government computer system. I never heard back. My Human Resources office asked me why I failed to submit the prints. I told my immediate supervisor I did submit them and I went back and got another set of prints and this time I let him submit them. Never heard back again, and this time HR didn't complain. Now I'm thinking, the Army Security Agency saw I had been committed and my firearms rights restricted, so they refused to authorize my use of the computer system, but no one told me and at that time I didn't know my rights had been restricted but they did. That's OK. Now I know my rights have been restored, and they don't LOL Their computer system would only makes my job more difficult anyway.

I'm in New Hampshire and have had a couple IEA's and I'm allowed to enter a raffle at Old Home Days and win an AR-15. They briefly mentioned thinking about changing that law earlier, but our new govnah was like "well, I wanna make sure everyone has their right to bear arms"

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots I'm in New Hampshire and have had a couple IEA's and I'm allowed to enter a raffle at Old Home Days and win an AR-15. They briefly mentioned thinking about changing that law earlier, but our new govnah was like "well, I wanna make sure everyone has their right to bear arms"

In Texas, I think they want everyone to be eligible to bear arms except people with mental illness. Those they just want to lock away in an asylum and throw away the key!

*Except people getting help for mental illness

Those that have it but were never diagnosed/“caught” are perfectly fine to bear arms I’m sure.

[SIZE="2"]Exactly! Yep, they want to lock up anyone actually trying to help their mental illness while others hiding it (maybe not that well even!) get elected

People in my NextDoor neighborhood were posting that it would be fantastic to lock up anyone with a mental health diagnosis! When what are the stats? Something like 1 in 4-5 people in America have a serious mental illness, diagnosed or not?

Plus those with a mental health diagnosis are more likely to be victims than the bad actors. But if we went by statistics the one to be locked up are young to middle age WHITE men. That’s the group most likely to commit violence.

Middle aged white men? Like most of our government out there committing white collar crimes (and then some) on a daily basis and being praised?

Columbia University did a recent study on mental illness and violence. There is a correlation, however correlation is not causation.
,8% of the general population is involved in violence. 3% of the mentally ill are involved in violence. But, it is complicated by other factors. If you are mentally ill, you are more likely to have numerous other issues from financial to social that contribute. If you only suffer negative symptoms of mental illness, you are less likely than the general population to be involved in violence. Forensic and Mental health experts agree that mental illness alone is not a contributing factor to violence.(above and beyond the .8%). But politics often operates on perception, and the public perception is that there is an equivalence between evil and violent, and mental illness. There is not.

I think the real reason that firearms are kept away from mental health patients is to prevent suicide.

Yet many suicidal people in treatment who have even been inpatient voluntarily after an attempt are allowed access to firearms while many who have received involuntary treatment for reasons other than suicidality (like a singe episode of psychosis) in some states are not.