[eskielover]

I got a knock on the door today...it was the mail delevery for a registered piece of mail for me & one for my husband (it was forwarded to my farm here in KY from my California home).

I told her to send the rest of the mail back to CA because my husband is no longer here. I looked over the piece of mail...IRS. That usually isn't good.

Well, it wasn't good.....the surprise was the amount of back taxes that were owed & where did that come from anyway? I hadn't heard about anything before this.....not one teeny tinny little peep about any back taxes being owed.

I called my husband immdeiately....not knowing exactly where he was after he left her last Wednesday to drive back to CA. I found out......I found out after I pried the information out of him. Yea, back taxes from 2005. What income did I even have then & when in the #&)) did he get this information about back taxes & of course, the only question that exists in this rediculous game of marriage....WHY DIDN'T YOU COMMUNICATE THIS TO ME WHEN YOU FOUND OUT????? Oh he found out 6 months ago that he owed the back taxes. According to him, it took him 2 months to find the paperwork on the taxes to see what he had done wrong. Sounds like it was inheritance money from my Mother that he handled wrong on the taxes & it was supposed to be income (not inheritance). Oh course comes the normal part he his immature nature.....he hears something & thinks he knows exactly what he was told over 1 year before then, so when it came to the taxes, he didn't bother to check (why should he....he's knowledgable about everything) with anyone about how to handle something he really knew nothing about.

After he found all the paperwork.....& checked it out....you would think he would tell me then.....NO. I need information so that I can handle things correctly. If I had known, I wouldn't have spend some of the money I did spend....now it isn't there so save my @$$.

I am so angry at people who think that the information they are holding onto isn't something that is either important (as the previous ranch owned did when my horse was exposed to strangles & got really ill), or it doesn't matter....they think it will just go away if they don't say anything. What people don't understand that lying isn't only telling lies, but it is lying by ommision.....which can sometimes be even worse....lies can usually be seen for what they are, but when something isn't even there, kept secret from you.....that is one huge way to LIE.

Of course, we had the conversation before Christmas that without communication, this marriage was doomed to complete failure ....& you have to communicate or I will end this marriage completely. Of course, I got the but you are so much better off with my income too, you can just continue to tolerate me....I am the way I am & I CAN'T do anything about it.

Then I talk to my daughter a bit.....her justification was that people just forget to say things about something they get in the mail if they don't say something immediately....I just wasn't there until September for several months & then again in December.....I don't know about anyone else, but when I get a piece of mail telling me that I owe the IRS that much money, I DON'T JUST FORGET TO TELL THE OTHER PERSON IN THE MARRIAGE.

Another thing I hate it when people say such lame things, trying to justify such unacceptable behavior (or any kind). People are so busy being tollerant of other people's behaviour that everyone forgets to behave right towards others....because they know that their bad behavior will be justified by someone so it's OK. I am really sick of this attitude that is rampent in this world today.

I will probably never come down from this soap box......I don't know when I will even stop seeing RED at this point. I thought my anxiety level was high when he was around, but this just tops everything he has ever done. It would be something if communication wasn't the TOPIC of the marriage, but to blow me off & disrespect me this way....This just hammered the nail into his coffin.

Oh, & the "subject."...because of another post I posted under relationships.....only now my comment was even more appropriate....he really didn't have money to spend on anything especially when he was keeping this information away from me about all this huge amount that's owed.

One really angry,
Debbie

Debbie, you have every right to be furious with your husband. Seems to me that this must be the icing on the marriage cake! Hang in there, xoxox pat

[bflatgary]

Deb, I will PM you about the IRS.

[eskielover]

What a way I spent my birthday yesterday.....steaming angry with puppy kisses trying to make it better. If I can give myself one gift, that is to have the final realization that I am doing the right thing when I kick him completely out of my life. No second doubts....no thinking I'm not giving him enough time or benefit of the doubt.

When you tell someone over & over & over for 32 years & in the final 6 months insist that without communication, there can be no marriage....all the time they are agreeing, but withholding this huge information. There is no doubt left in my mind that I am doing the right thing is kicking him out of my life....knowing I can't possibly live this way anymore.

I have to admit, it's kind of lonley spending your birthday all alone with just my doggies. I was going to go out to dinner at the awsome restaurant just down the highway, but it was 15 degrees out & I just didn't feel like getting that cold, just to go out for dinner.

I have no family left except for my daughter who lives across the country from me....but I got a special call from her....she knows what is going on at least. Luckily, I didn't get a call from his parents.....they sent a check....it must be a family thing....throw money at people & that's all you have to do to show you care. I feel bad accepting their check...knowing quite well if my husband was honest with them, they wouldn't even be doing that.....of course not....how dare I treat their son that way????? Actually I don't know how they will feel about the divorce but I'm sure they will never know the truth about how their son destroyed the marriage from the beginning & even if they would listen to the whole story, they would still chose to see what they want to see.

The most awsome part of my birthday even if I was alone was that I am in my own house that is peaceful....in beautiful country....to just sit & look out my windows at the country is a blessing....knowing that I never have to go back to living the way I have for the last 32 years.....that is present enough.

The reality of Monday hits & locating a good tax lawyer in highest priority....control the damage as much as possible....& find out if the IRS is even correct in the first place. That's the problem with allowing someone who thinks they know everything be in charge when we aren't well. If I had been alone, I would have hired a tax accountant to do the taxes that year & never would have had this problem. It's best to be alone when you can't depend on the person you are with.

I talked to my California psychologist last night & he has been reinforcing my thinking that my husband will never change......he can't motivate himself to want to change, so he says he CAN'T. I found out from my psychologist that my husband is going to continue seeing him.....paying him with his own money now that I have a therapist here in KY. Sadly, he doesn't have anything positive to say about my husband either...he's finally letting me know that the only thing to do is to get out of the relationship. He said that only a person who has the same shallowness could survive with a person like him.

This is the beginning of my new year & a new life. Getting used to not sharing things that are pretty, cute, interesting.....not having someone to get excited about things around (even if I guess they really didn't care anyway), not having someone to talk to....is the rough part of being alone. I guess with time, I will get used to that.....& honestly, it is better to be alone than to be pushed into being an angry, raging person who is just about to loose it when they are around the other person.....it's just a matter of getting used to some things & appreciating the peace above all else.

A peaceful life is definitely a wonderful birthday present.

Gary, thanks for the IRS info....I appreciate the insight.

Pat, you are right....that's definitely the icing on the birthday cake....lol. that's actualy the last nail in his coffin.

Debbie