[mittens1234]

Hello,

I suffer to a very high degree and have experienced things that not many people survive.

I was born in Germany on a military base but I am a US citizen, as a child I was in a moldy house.

I am autistic but never got an official diagnosis, I think because my dad did not believe in it and did not want me to take any medications.

I grew up in a neighborhood with a lot of gang activity and was beaten up several times as a toddler, child and also by my dad.

One time I had been skipping and tripped over the leg of a football player when I was around 6 years old, he picked me up by the neck strangling me, the other children threw rocks at him but they hit me instead.

My dad would usually get very angry and scream and I was choked as a child pinned on the ground similar to what happened to George Floyd.

I became very religious as an adolescent and would pray for hours because I thought this would help but I became insane and went to the psych ward. This resulted in very expensive bill and my parents got very mad at me.

I joined the military and served honorably (the discharge) but also I served with honor and character. I experienced a lot of abuse in the military.

I experience MST, also on deployment they told us we would go to Kuwait but were sending us to Afghanistan instead, what bothered me was not that they were sending us to a dangerous country, what bothered me was they lied. One person I knew died from self (I would not use the word as I do not know if it is censored I am trying to keep the post appropriate as much as possible) they put in the news it was a training accident instead.

When I was in the military hospital they said very cruel things to me when I was hospitalized for MST while I had a needle in my arm getting blood drawn.

Because I felt abused at home and because MST, I married a woman about 15 years older who was a nurse and knew a lot about the law.

I thought she would help protect me, I had been taken advantage of in every relationship I ever had, from someone from the Philippines I lost all the money I had and had my credit card stolen, was cheated on and was hospitalized.

I had many relationships where I was treated poorly, in the marriage I had only lasted a few months. I would wake up at 3am to scrub the floors, I worked remote because I had a bachelor in computer science, this was very difficult for me, I had to claw my way through school to get this and I am good with numbers, I understand math proofs, integrals and derivatives the hardest class I did was computational theory I used to be very intelligent before being profoundly mentall ill. I was even trying to solve unsolvable math problems from the clay institute one of them was p = np.

I spent my life savings on my ex wife, she wanted to have a child but to have one she needed to get off many medications. She quit cold turkey about 10 different medications, during this time she became extremely abusive but I do not blame her, it is my belief the medications helped her and she needed an alternative but she was always very rigid in how she did things.

I would tiptoe and live in fear, I would have to cry at her feet and do devotionals, I had to give more than 100% my income because she kept spending more and more.

Her work was going on strike so she would come home very angry, I would give her a massage for an hour and try to do things to make her happy.

One day I waited for the weekend to talk to her because I though a good night sleep would help her, this was the same week I had run out of money, she had she was cheating on my and needed to butt out. She was also espousing white supremacy well in my opinion she was as we talked about a news article which a white man shot someone dead.

Because of the MST in the military I would get very high adrenaline and extremely aggressive when cornered. Because of my upbringing being beaten many times as a child I am quite strong especially on a lot of adrenaline and I have done many martial arts, military combatives, jujitsu and judo.

Well what happened is I nearly killed her with my bare hands, I got multiple felonies, she divorced, I had to pay lot of money because she was an expert in law, she racked up lot of medical bills, I did not realize the courts sided with women so much, the police trapped me in words and I did not know how to speak to them but they seemed to show no mercy and seemed to be quite happy to charge me very high.

In the courts she was laughing with the judge as they talked about upgrading the charge to attempted murder.

I got a 100 year restraining order for multiple locations and extended beyond the normal range, in truth she checked just about every box you could on the form, I think if they were not so frugal then i'd be wearing an ankle monitor as well.

When I was in prison I was worried about being mistreated by the other prisoners, instead I was mistreated by the police, I was tortured and not given any food, I was bleeding from a needle and they were mocking me laughing at me for being autistic, they were forcing me to address them by ranks.

Well my ex wife was a big MAGA person, they had relatives and people who were MPs and well liked in the community, I feel that perhaps someone put in a word to treat me worse because they seemed to be cruel beyond the usual. I felt like a POW.

well after this I had bailed out and like just took a plea deal, I have to pay money all the time and take very marked up and expensive classes, they do not seem to help at all.

I have been getting hospital bills from collections for when the police were there and I did not get any medical service, I don't know how they can threaten me with medical bills when I did not get anything.

I feel I get the opposite of welfare, I have to pay for many things, I get these random medical bills anytime I have a mental breakdown I have to go to the veteran hospital only or I will get huge bills I cannot go anywhere else

I try to work but I have the worst type of criminal record the domestic violence

I had a stint of many girlfriends after this and the last one was very nice, she was trying to help me with many things like getting disability from the military.

She would tell me that she wanted me to see the good in life and that she would show it to me, well one day I think she just got burnt out and quit.

It was just a normal day and she said she loved me in the morning and I said it back to her, did not say anything more until 7pm around the miday I asked if she could send a hug, around at night she called and said I was an abuser then hung up, there was nothing else and then I was blocked.

I got very angry and smashed a lot of things I had to forgive her so I did. I forgived all the people who hurt me, I did not want to be abusive.

I joined the military because I am brave and wanted people to accept me and I had no concern of safety, I would rather live in danger everyday if I can be loved.