[SarahSweden]

There´s something restful and serene about realising there´s nothing I can do to make my life better. The "chase" itself is just harmful. There are many examples to this:

• I live in Sweden and I need warm and sunny weather to be able to at least take a swim in a nearby lake and to sit in the sun. During our summer it´s often cloudy and windy, not a weather for swimming outside. Nothing to do of course and it´s pointless listening to weather reports and to "chase after the sun".
  
• To be able to work I need to work for a company, half time, at a permanent position which allows me to work from home when I have the energy and when it suits me. I could never cope with working full time or in an office. I did a search for such work and there are none, you need to start your own firm to work like that. I can´t do sales work, telemarketing and such. Nothing to do.
  
• I don´t have a family nor friends that I´m close to. When I reach out it´s often too stressful and filled with disappointment so if affects my everyday life. It´s not worth it even if I know it´s harmful to my health to spend much time alone.

I have lived "chasing" things that would be the "next best thing" or the "third best thing" but it´s only tiring. Doing things on my own just to feel lonely when walking in the woods or spending time at a beach, looking at the clouds in the sky.

It´s either or, nothing in between as it only exhausts me. I can´t do anything of value to my situation and now I just realise I live like a senior or a retired person with little money.

This isn´t about "finding volunteer work" or "joining a club" as it´s not fulfilling enough. The life you need and want must be established when you´re young and you then build from that. If you don´t have such a foundation and you don´t have the strength yourself to build things from scratch and noone to help you, then you won´t have anything.

It´s of no help to think "I have a roof over my head, clothes and food everyday" as it will always be people having it worse, it doesn´t make my situation easier.

Now I live my days assuming there will be autumnlike weather during summer, no idea to plan anything. There´s nothing meaningful I can do so I perhaps rest for a while during the afternoon and make myself some coffee. I eat and watch some series, perhaps I rest some more. Then it´s evening and I perhaps do something at my computer, I perhaps visit the grocery shop and buy some candy or chocolate and watch a movie or a series.

I don´t hope for anything, there are obstacles to everything and my efforts will never be enough. Now I´m going to sit on my balcony, my physical condition worsens, a walk is more or less pointless. I can´t buy anything to start a new hobby.

I won´t be surprised if I get sick but there´s nothing to do about it.

I´m 40+ and I expect to live like this for the rest of my life. It´s no life but there´s nothing to do about it. This has nothing to do with depression as a cause, it´s the result of having tried for so long and nothing comes of it. Also, I´ve already been a patient within psychiatry and gotten evaluated and I don´t have any psychiatric conditions. It´s just a bad life I can´t do anything about, nothing that would make any real difference.

[moodyblue83]

Originally Posted by SarahSweden

[/LIST]
"I have lived "chasing" things that would be the "next best thing" or the "third best thing" but it´s only tiring. Doing things on my own just to feel lonely when walking in the woods or spending time at a beach, looking at the clouds in the sky. "

************Why are you " chasing " things ? Maybe I misunderstand what you're saying here. I love walking in the woods by myself, spending time at the beach clouds in the sky. These are all beautiful things . I don't know what your really chasing but in the meantime your missing out on some beautiful moments in your life, ( just my personal perspective )

"If you don´t have such a foundation and you don´t have the strength yourself to build things from scratch and noone to help you, then you won´t have anything. "

**************I agree having a good foundation is very important, BUT , there are many other variables that play into how you build or develop your life. It's not too late. If you realty want to you can follow a different path. Stop " chasing things " and learn about YOURSELF first. There are ways to change how you feel and what direction you're life can go , don't chase , just explore , do research into things that may help you.

I´m 40+ and I expect to live like this for the rest of my life. Also, I´ve already been a patient within psychiatry and gotten evaluated and I don´t have any psychiatric conditions. It´s just a bad life I can´t do anything about, nothing that would make any real difference.

**************It sounds like depression, you need to get rid of the defeatist attitude. There's always something you can do about it.You have to work with what you were givin , then add to it somehow , someway. Get help , don't give up.

Good luck to you............

[eskielover]

I felt that way for 13 years at the end of my marriage & after my computer engineering career crashed in Calif & no one was hiring. HOWEVER, when a door opened for me to get out....I RAN & successfully started my life over at 54. 2100 miles away from where I lived all my life & didn't know anyone. Best move I ever made in my life & finally happy & at peace. It is all in the timing & being ready to take the action when opportunity comes

[lauport]

Chasing stuff that never works out just wears you down. It sucks feeling stuck, but you're not the only one who feels this way. Thanks for sharing. Take care.

[ArthurFonzarelli]

I can relate to you. I've tried everything last 45 years to break out of my rut and turned to everyone and nothing has helped. I'm 61 and haven't felt like myself since I was 14. I have trouble relating to myself and others and uncomfortable.
And I worked in many places and ran into problems. Working for USAF was horrible with lots of egotistical people who criticized me.

there are obstacles to everything

I feel the same. I'm still waiting for something "real" to happen in life and seems like it never happens. And I don't want to die unhappy but afraid that's what might happen.
I used to swim, too. I wonder what it's like to swim in Sweden.

[badut]

Thanks for sharing. This is how I also feel at the moment. Chasing everything I thought was right for me has only left me exhausted and made me realize that the end goal wasn't truly the best. The realization ends with crashing down and feeling lost.

Now I just hang on, trying to survive with limited resource. That's all I can do.