[SS8282]

I'm sorry for...
- needing help but don't know how to ask or know what WILL help
- letting people down. I know people want to help, but I push people away (dont know why)
- being sick - mentally and physically
- making people feel bad when im sick
- for being trouble
- scaring parents with kids when I cough
- being such a downer
- being out of control
- the need to punish myself
- taking up space

There - maybe confessing might help. *sigh*


<div class="foot">(Edited by SS8282 on 09/01/04 11:39 AM.)</div>

[Rapunzel]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{SS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
You sound like you could use a hug too. Lots of us have felt the way you do, and still feel that way too. One of the things I have struggled with for years and years is that I don't even feel like I deserve to exist. But you do exist, and you were placed here for a reason. You have a lot of struggles right now, but you are a sensitive person, who cares about how others feel too. It probably feels to you as if what you need from others is too much and might be too hard for them, and that gets in your way from being able to let them help you. But, they wouldn't be trying to help you if they didn't want to, and care about you, and see in you someone who is worth helping, and who deserves not only to exist, but to be whole.


<font color=orange>"If a light beckons to you, follow it. If it leads you into the quagmire, you'll probably find your way out of it again; but if you don't follow it, you'll be plagued for the rest of your life by the thought that perhaps it was your star." Friedrich Hebbet</font color=orange>

[dexter]

>> - needing help but don't know how to ask or know what WILL help

That is a tough one. Maybe sometimes you just need someone to be there or too listen. It is hard to ask when you don't know what you need. If you have people willing to help, maybe you can just tell them you don't know what you need and work on things together that might be helpful? That in alone might help.

>> - letting people down. I know people want to help, but I push people away (dont know why)

That is not you, that is depression. Isolation is a strong and terrible symptom. There isn't necessarily a reason, sometimes that is just how it is.

It is a harmful symptom though, and one worth fighting to get past. If there are people you can trust and explain to them what the urge to isolate yourself is like, they won't have to worry about interpreting "mixed signals". Just forcing yourself to call one or two people regularly can help, try to establish a habit when you feel that way as a reflex to call someone.

>> - being sick - mentally and physically

You can't be sorry for that. It is something that happened to you, not something that you did. Once again, it is depression that makes us feel that we are somehow "responsible"... plus sometimes uninformed opinions from the general public. We know better, ignore them.

>> - making people feel bad when im sick

You can't "make" people feel bad. They feel bad because they love you, in which case (and I firmly believe this) it attaches them more firmly to the spirit and state of humanity. An opportunity to understand and to help and to have a connection is one of the greatest gifts, maybe the greatest gift, that results from sentience.

On a side note, depression robs us of that gift, keeps it wrapped and hidden under the tree with firm instructions that we are not to access it. Hence the extreme suffering that depression causes.

Some people may feel "bad" because they don't want to be bothered with other people's problems. They are cutting themselves off from this gift voluntarily. Feel sorry for them.

>> - for being trouble

See above. It is up to the person helping to set limits. You and they should be able to work together and with other friends to make sure your needs don't completely disrupt their lives, unless that is their choice because you are so important to them. People are responsible for their own limits, and for communicating them to you without making you feel guilty. Of course depression is going to make you feel guilty anyway. Recognize that as a symptom of the illness and not as a personal failing.

>> - scaring parents with kids when I cough

Kids are going to pick up more bugs while climbing the monkey bars and licking each other than from your coughs. You may be more likely to pick up something from them than they from you. I can understand a parent wanting to protect their children but as long as you use common courtesy (you don't go into their face and cough on them, do you?) I can't see it really being a problem.

>> - being such a downer

You are not a downer. Depression is a downer. Its like a person saying "I know I have Diabetes, but I'm sorry that my blood sugar is so low today."

Or an even better example, from The Golden Girls, when Blanche discovers her brother is gay, she has a hard time with it but eventually accepts it. Then he comes back to town intending to marry another man that he met, and Blanche has her fears triggered all over again. "I know he's gay, but does he have to sleep with men? Aren't there any homosexuals that sleep with women?" To which Dorothy replies "They do Blanche. They're called lesbians." (Bea Arthur had all the best lines on that show .

>> - being out of control

Being out of control is out of your control. Can't be "sorry" for that because it is something that happens, not something you do.

>> - the need to punish myself

Look over the above and try to convince yourself that there is no need to punish yourself for ANYTHING.

>> - taking up space

Yes, you take up space. I can't think of any better use for the space you occupy.

------------------------------------
--http://www.idexter.com

[shakes]

((((((SS8282))))))
I agree with Dex. Please do not be mad at yourself for things that are beyond your control. Depression makes us think things that are not true.

Jessica

"Take these chances. Place them in a box until a quieter time..." ~DMB

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((SS))))))))))))))))

[SweetCrusader]

I also agree with Dex. And I think you're AWESOME and wonderful, including the depression and all. It doesn't make you bad, and it doesn't make you any less love-able. We love our SS here at psychcentral!!!!

(((((((hugs)))))))))

Angela (SC)

-comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable-

[LadyDragus]

These are not things to be sorry for, well not in my book..

These are things to say, HEY !!! I am asking for help here..

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( SS8282 ))))))))))))))))))))))
*smooches*

<font color=blue>
I am not worthy of your love
I am seeking worth
Let me find it now
Let me look for it with you
I am not worthy of your friendship
Help me to find it

[SS8282]

You're right Rap. It does feel like what I need from others may be too much for them. Just couldn't put that into words. Thanks - for the hugs too. ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((rap))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Leslie]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((SS))))))))))))))))))))))

Sorry your feeling so down. You are a great person to talk to in chat. I really enjoy your friendship. Try to hang in there, we care about you

Take care,
Leslie

[SS8282]

WOW.

I dont know what to say. You've given me lots to think about. You can certainly put things into perspectives. You really spend a lot of time putting all this down. Thank you. I am still very speechless.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Dave))))))))))))))))))))))))))) THANK YOU!

PS - No, I didn't cough into their faces.

[SS8282]

(((((((((((Jessica))))))))))))))) Thank you.

[SS8282]

((((((((((((((Fuzzy)))))))))))) thanks.

[SS8282]

Thank you ((((((((((SC)))))))))))))))))))) Love you people too. )

[SS8282]

(((((((((((((((Lady)))))))))))))))))))) Thanks. Big hugs. and smooches. )

[wisewoman]

Hey girl, you are doing as well as you can and you are good enough. You are a sweetheart and I like to chat with you. Open up when you are feeling so down okay? Snuggles and doggie kisses.

[SS8282]

Thanks ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((ww))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))I like snuggling up. )