[jbug]

Today I realized how much my Grandma is negative. We went to a craft fair my mom, Grandma and me. Well everything was either ugly, too expensive or just wasn't cute. I was looking at a basket and she came up behind me what would you do with that? When I said I was thinking she said you don't need it put it down and then walked away. We saw some very cute birdhouses for a dollar and she said well a real bird couldn't live in them so why buy them? I had just boughten one for my mom to hang on the house. How do you deal with someone that always has something negative to say about everything. You could compliment her on her outfit and she'd say but I need a scarf because my neck shows. I love my Grandma but being around her drives me crazy. Sometimes she's not so bad but today I wanted to just scream. I know that sometimes people when they get older get negative but this is out of control and I'd like to say if you have something bad to say you must counter it with 2 positives but if she did that she may never talk again. I know I have my days where nothing is going right but I still try to maintain a good outlook when I'm around other people. Any advice guys?

Something bad must going to happen I feel to damn good.
my blog http://janniebugsays/blogspot.com

[SweetCrusader]

I've been there. Maybe I'm twisted, but I make a game of it! lol Instead of having her counter it with two positives, this is what I would do:

For everything negative she said, I would counter with two positives myself! That drives people who are intent on being negative nuts! It really does catch people off guard in some situations. I especially like to do this when people are taking a negative attitude toward me personally- like if they point out a flaw of mine, I smile and talk about how it could be a strength. Or if they bash someone else, I pretty much ignore the rude comment and start saying nice things about that person. It depends on the situation what I'll say, but it's a lot of fun.

In my family, I really have had to learn to do that when I just can't take any more negativity. Because there is a lot of it. (Not that I don't contribute to it. Of course I do! That's the way I was raised)

Hope this helps!
Angela

-comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable-

[jbug]

The idea of countering her negatives with positives is a good idea. I might just have to try that. Yesterday we took a 14 hour road trip with my parents and I was ready to scream when they dropped me off. The portions at dinner were to big, the hashbrowns had too much cheese, the gravy was too thick. At breakfast the lady was too slow, her coffee to hot. I wanted to say SHUT UP!! but figured it would make for a long trip if I did so I kept my thoughts to myself and when I got home chain smoked. Oh well at least it will be about a week before I have to see her again. I am trying to stay positive around her and call her and stuff because none of my other cousins do and I know she appreciates it but sometimes its just to dang hard.

Janniebug

[angel04]

I just won't deal with it in my life anymore. I've had enough of trying to turn it around, to ignore it, to deflect it and now I have realised that eventhough these negative people are family, I have no obligation to spend time with them unless "I" want to. If I choose to, then I have to put up with the negativity but instead, I simply choose not to be around them.
I have finally decided that I will not waste my good heart and generous nature on people who either don't appreciate it or don't deserve it. I truly believe that I deserve better than that and now I demand it of myself and those I want close to me. Negativity has no place in my world right now. I need support, reinforcement and 'real' caring because that's what I give to others. If they can't or won't give back the same, then it's their loss. I got tired of twisting myself into a pretzel.
Sorry you're having these issues. Negativity is a terribly heavy state and it permeates everything and everyone. I hope you can find a good way to overcome it or stay away from it.

[ktp]

That's too funny SC. I am pretty much the same way. My Grandma is ALOT like janniebug's and she is always commenting on things. "You don't need that" and when I used to say I wanted to do this or that she'd say "Why?" I told her one time she sounded like my kids. LOL. I always try to laugh it off. I think sometimes people do things like that when they're insecure. Like the bullies at school -- if you're bullying someone else, it takes the attention away from what someone might be saying about you.

[jwwells]

I'd say the only way to deal with negative people is to get more time with positive people.

Our brains absorb all the stuff from our surroundings and adding positivism from other people acts like a buffer against the negativism.

Also, the 3 C's of AA / Al-Anon are important to remember:

- we can't change them
- we can't control them
(there's a third one, but my brain has shut down for the moment. I'm sure someone can remember it....)

jw

[ktp]

jw:

That is very sound advice. I am going to implement it. I know that stuff already but sometimes it takes stepping back for a moment. Those two will really help me. Thanks!!!

Take Care.
Kimberly