I'm not really good at making these posts, but I talked to a member on here about it so I decided to make it anyways.

I try really hard on PC to be what I'm not- to be upbeat, nice, strong, brave. In trying to act this way, I've lost sight of who I am. I'm not the strong person I think I've led people to think I am. I wanted everyone to like me, so I try to be upbeat and nice. I've talked with people about this, and I think by trying to please people and make people like me, I've been acting fake. I've been fake happy, fake strong.

I'm not as strong as people seem to think I am, and honestly, I'm terrified of everyone here (no offense, I'm scared easily). I've been caught up in trying to make people like me and I haven't been true to my true self. I don't want to be fake- I hate fake people, but I just tried to show myself in a way that didn't let my problems bother me.

I'm sorry I haven't been how I really am, that people have been led to think because of the manner I tried to portray myself as, that I'm strong and good. I'm not. I've been trying to act like how I think I should be, and not how I am.

I'll try to be more like me- just sometimes it's hard to be yourself with people when you hate yourself. Thanks everyone for the support and I'm sorry I've been trying to act like someone I'm not really. I'll try to stay true to my emotions.

[Lenny]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Ledgewood said:

I'll try to be more like me-

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You just did Ledgewood...it takes tremendous guts to take off the mask(s).

Be well,

Lenny

<font color="purple">No need to apologize </font>

[SweetSunshine]

Vince~

You took a great big step here in admitting this to yourself and to PC. That in itself makes you one of the bravest people i know. I bet once you start working on all that pain and hurt inside.. and start feeling better.. You will be a more upbeat and positive person in the true sense of the word. IT happens slowly .. so dont get discouraged. And we will be here to support and care for you thru this.Its ok to be scared and weak feeling.. we've all been there one time or another. And I believe that your good even though you may not think you are. Healing always takes time.But it happens. So be patient with yourself and dont be so hard on yourself ok? I am so proud of you for telling us this.. it just shows how brave and courageous you really are.

I'm here for ya and only a pm away.
Safe hugz~
Beth

[wisewoman]

I am glad that you were able to understand this and really glad you shared. I faked so much for so long it became who I was but since it wasn't real it hurt me deeply. Stay real no matter what it seems like.

[I_WMD]

Wood reality Will throw enough fastballs at ya to quit crowding the plate like ,,, . So unload the irons from the fire and concentrate on yourself and Be YOU .

[Azalysa]

What everyone else said.

This part especially touched me: I'm terrified of everyone here (no offense, I'm scared easily)

I am soo like that and when I have found when posting on any type of forum, be it here or one for a computer game, I always tried so hard to not say anything that could be construed controversial for fear of the replies I would receive.

Just lately on a social forum, I've begun speaking what I really feel and I have been amazed that I have not received the "tongue-lashings" I thought I would. It was an amazing discovery

And I can assure you I am not someone to be afraid of.

Well done!

[pachyderm]

[wisewoman]

Hey, I thought I was the one afraid of everyone. More in real life then here though.

Ledge
Just be yourself

[Soidhonia]

(((ledgewood))). People that truly care understand that it takes time to be trustworthy enough to be yourself without the fear of rejection. I hope things get better for you in the future, and I hope you can gain the understanding and the insight you are searching for at Psych Central and in life. Take care (((Ledgewood))). Soidhonia

(((((((((vince)))))))))) < aren't i lovely?

[splitimage]

(((Ledgewood)))) Admitting vulnerability and your fears is one of the bravest things you can do. I really hope that you'll be able to continue to be honest with us and get the support and help that you need from PC.

--splitimage

[BrnEyedGrl]

I think many people on this site feel the same way you do. It is a scary thing when you try to join in and aren't real sure if being yourself will be accepted.
I think what you said took a lot of courage and was quite refreshing.... .