She is dying

My friend's neice is dying now. She is 44 and had a heart attack friday. She was going to get up and walk yesterday and go to regular cardiac care and she had a brain bleed. They took out a clot late last night and she regained consciousness with the family. I had driven up to get a baby who was there and take him home to sleep. I got home around 3 after everyone came home. The hospital is near where daughter goes to school. Normally 1.5 hours away but at night driving 70 an hour most of the way it is much quicker. I got a call 45 minutes ago that she had a massive stroke and she was dying. Family is headed back up. My friend is so brave. She lost a nephew 2 years ago and now this so unexpected. She had another nephew almost die and she found him not breathing. She gave him cpr and the hospital got him stable. I feel so sad for her. She would do anything for anyone and her sister is losing another child. Her sister has cancer from a breast tumor that her doc told her was nothing and I said get it biospsied.

It is unfair as my friend has seen nothing but death in her family. Her nephew's death was not pretty. This friend was raised with these guys as she is not that much older. Her sister cared for her when mom worked. My friend does not deserve this. Her sister does not.

The woman that is dying was just charged with financially exploiting a senior. This makes it more difficult as everyone wants to blame the investigator for her cardiac event and now death. She is guilty and there is no question. I am not really sad about the dying woman. I am glad she doesn't have to go to court and all. Her son died a year ago after shooting himself. He was 16.

Is there something wrong with me that I am not sad about the impending death? My friend and her family are all so very sad and shaken up. I am sad only for them and for the dying woman's surviving son. Am I bad? I like the dying woman but I just am not sad.

I don't think it is bad. maybe it is because you know she did a very bad thing. a not so nice person. I am sorry for her mom though. no one should have to bury their children. and no it is not the investigators fault at all. (((hugs)))

(((((((((((((( ww )))))))))))))))

That family is surely going through difficult times. It sounds like you are giving as much emotional support to the living, the ones left as you can. Sometimes that leads to not having feelings one way or another for the person who is leaving this realm. Sometimes we can only give and feel so much and the rest will have to wait or never even come about. Maybe you feel in some way that what goes around comes around....not that you wish something bad on someone, but that life & death happen....for whatever reasons. There could be a number of reasons why you are feeling numb to her situation. But I don't see it as being bad....not at all. I've been in a similar situation in that respect so I can relate to where you are coming from.


sabby

I don't think it is possible to be very sad about people that far removed from us or we'd be wrecks all the time? The dying woman is no relation to you, even remotely, and did something bad. I would think there'd be something amiss if you did stretch yourself that far.

Maybe you can't hold any more sadness? You are in my thoughts and prayers.

how you feel is how you feel and you cant change that. when my grandma died about 2 years ago almost exactly (2 weeks before mothers day ironically) i felt so bad because i wasnt crying or anything. the truth is, she was a mean old woman who always yelled at me and told me what to do. i only saw her on holiday's and she was so mean! at the funeral i was bawling my eyes out but only because i saw how much my mom was hurting. i wouldnt have cried at all if i hadnt seen my mom bawling. thats what tore me up more than anything.

the moral of my story is that if you werent that close, then there is nothing wrong in how you feel. maybe it just hasnt sank in yet. maybe if you go to the funeral and see everyone it will sink in a bit more.

I don't think there is any right or wrong way to feel about someone else's death, particularly if you're not that close to the person yourself. It sounds like your friend's family has been through a lot recently and if you are able to be a support to them, then that makes you a very good person.

---splitimage

I don't think anyone should feel apathy (or joy, not that you do) at the impending death of a human being. Then again, I'm considered weird.

Is this a good friend of yours? If so, would you be able to say to her face that you are not sad over the death of her child? I doubt it (at least I hope not). I understand why you wouldn't grieve for this woman, but it wouldn't hurt to feel sad for your friend. It would break her heart if she thought you believed her daughter's death was justified. It could cause the death of your friendship.

Sorry to hear

Hope everyone else will stay healthy and safe

My friend`s Mom is in hospita with Cancer..she had a sergury today. So I heard him talk about it but he looked fine.Not like he was stressed and such

Yes these times with hospital/dying are hard for all families.

You are really nice perosn giving all that support. Remember to separate yourself from them

(((ww))) Numbing is a coping response...and is often necessary when someone has suffered enough and can't handle any more. Please don't dwell upon how you are feeling about this, and "just" "be" ok?

died early this morning. I have not been to her parents. Spent the day with her aunt. I am chicken of holding the grif for her parents if only for a moment. I am sad for everyone. She may have done something bad but I just can't fathom how she could and I know she felt that death was her only choice. I don't feel she fought. Now I see the pics and see the surviving son's sadness and wonder what is going on with me. I need to see her parents.