Enabling Others

A few years ago there was quite a discussion here at Psych Central about whether or not we were enabling others when we listened to them "too much". I've always been a believer in trying to help others by giving them the support they need. In fact, recently I've come to realize that maybe we really are enabling them when we show compassion and understanding. I believe we are enabling them to fight the battle for their very lives.

Listening to the news about the huge number of our soldiers returning home and commiting suicide has prompted me to write this. My own brother is a mentally disabled veteran who was in the military during the Vietnam War. I support and encourage him in every possible way. I would much rather he be a little bit dependent on me, his caseworker and his doctors than not be here at all.

Don't be afraid to enable those you care about to keep fighting.

((((((((((Ozzie)))))))))

(((((((((((( ozzie ))))))))))))

Great post Ozzie.

This tugs on my heartstrings so very much at the present. Thanks so much for putting my thoughts into words (yours of course)!

((((ozzie))))

(((((ozzie)))))

I don't see "enabling" the same way you do, Susan, but if it helps you and your brother, then I'm all for it.

To me, enabling is to allow another person to keep acting and/or thinking the wrong way, to allow them to stay stuck in a place that would benefit them to move out of.

IMO, there's nothing wrong with supporting someone through a bad spot when all they really need is some consideration, acceptance and love. There ARE some things that people can't physically or mentally overcome. That's when they need what you give your brother. Absolutely nothing wrong with that! That's what family is supposed to be about.

That sounds a lot like love.

awwww

Hi Ozzie

I dont think I would ever beileve that listening, being empathetic and caring is enabling. I dont think any of here, try to "do" the work that someone needs to do themselves, but I would like to think that if I need to talk, someone is going to listen and hear. I dont want advice, nor do I want to be told what to do. When it comes right down to it, I always know...deep down in my heart what it is I need to do. All I am ever looking for is a friendly ear.

To turn someonw away...(I got your analogy re: returning soldiers) is nothing short of cruel. Thats just me though, and others are entitled to another opinion.

Thank you for all of the replies. I hope we all have someone we can trust to be there for us when we need them. It makes all the difference in the world. My brother, David solves his own problems his own way and in his own time. Meanwhile he has me to be his friend and I have him. He has helped me through many tough situations....just by listening. Thanks again for listening and replying.

Susan,

I always love your thoughts.....your compassion for others.....your ability to listen to what they have to say & not put your own definition on what they say but truely listen to the words & hear the content.

Having someone to listen to what you have to say is very very important.....not even requiring any response of anything....just listening.....enables the person who is communicating to express the thoughts & feelings that are inside of them & to get them out into the reality of words that firm up the meaning those thoughts that otherwise float around in ones head. Listening enables the person who is communication to organize their thoughts & while doing that, it's amazing, but it usually creates even more thoughts & idea which continue to grow out of the seed that they started with. Listening enables others thinking along with our own...because we are having to think about what they are saying so that if we do have feedback......whether in agreement or to offer another point of view on the subject....it is all part of the art of communicating which builds our thinking & reasoning skills & enables growth.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that type of enabling.....the only enabling which becomes a problem is when someone is on the wrong path & we continue to support the path they are on.........that would come under the situation of not providing feedback to their communication when there is something that we disagree with & feel that they really need to hear another point of view in hopes that they can get unstuck from the thought process they are in which is leading them in a wrong direction......providing that alternate point of view doesn't by any means force them to change their thinking....but to plant the seed of thought that there is another way of looking at the situation or thought that has been expressed. There will always be the freewill there on their part as to what they choose to do with the point of view that differs from theirs...& sometimes, that seed needs to sit there awhile for them to think about & ponder on......so it doesn't mean immediate change even when we do present the differing thought.....so it may seem at the time that we are continuing to enable thinking that isn't what we feel is right......but one never knows what the long term effect will be on a differing idea being expressed.

Listening & allowing (enabling) a person to express their feelings & thoughts is the most wonderful gift you can give to anyone.....you post is beautiful as are you. Your brother is blessed to have your support & your being there to listen.....& you are also blessed by him to be able to hear the thoughts & insights that he has to provide that they won't be lost into a void.

Keep enabling each others communications & the world (your worlds) will be a better place....also sharing your insights as you have here we are all blessed & enabled to think & be better in our relationships with others.

Bless you,
Debbie