Coping with a stalker (long)

That worries me too--the possibility he may be dangerous. Today I made my feelings known very forcefully to my former company--where I was working when this person began to obsess. This all happened within the scope of my employment, and I think that is understood by my former employers even if they have not said so specifically.

I told them of my concerns and urged them to get an expert examination of this person's communications. They said they had already. (they said they brought his letters to an expert at the NYPD). Hmmmm... we will see.

One thing I should have done is to ask for the name of the police "expert" who was contacted by my company to deal with this person. I am very dubious and would like to know if this person is a genuine expert or just some cop who is known to the chief of security.

Come to think of it, an old school buddy of mine is a retired detective. I may want to give him a holler.

Is he still working there?

Hello? Oh sheesh "experts" again...Sorry, IMO they are greatly overrated! I forgot already what kind of info is being sent in the letters... in any way, if he is harassing you, this is not legal!
(I won't give my impressions of law enforcement here...but I have experience from the inside.) If there is any intent to do something you wouldn't like, then it is an assault.

IF you sent the legal letter of notification, do NOT contact your stalker again, in any way. They thrive on that, won't take what you say as truth, and will it will look poorly for you in the future.

I applaud your insistance and suggest you find another person to complain to, and do so in writing also. Did you make yourself more safe yet? Often the sheer filing of an "order" against one causes them to "go off the deep end" and you need to be aware (but not scared) and prepared. Have you contacted a lawyer, on the phone at least, for basic advice?

It's a good idea to talk to your friend - the retired detective. You can also call the company back for the name of the 'expert'.

I don't remember if you said it or not, but do you happen to have a copy of those letters he sent to your former company?

Just a couple of questions.

Why did you come to this mental health site to discuss this?

Why do you refer to people with mental illness as being 'nuts'?

Not a very good sittuation at all. I agree with all the others who say dont confront him your self and file complaints and keep all evidence even if you don't think it will help right now. I don't like it when it takes a long trail of complaints and evidece til something can be done but it just seems to work that way some times. Voice mail not sure how that works but I assume it has to do with phone number and or email doesn't it? Can't those be changed? Not sure if you said you were recieving letters from this person or if just the company was. If it is you personally and they are being hand delivered deffinately file complaints until you become a nucence. Some times it's the only way. There are stalking laws today thank God but it also came at the expence of lives.

Hey Peanut 61 you have a good point there, we never refer to ourselves in that term.
We had a guy calling at our center telling us about a very strange problem he was having and then found out he was just making things up to get a reaction, I saw on his profile he doesn't tell much about himself, and we're very open, now do we have to be careful here too?

The problem generally with filing complaints against this guy is that I have received a grand total of ONE direct contact from him, the call to my cell that I referenced earlier. Every single other letter has been sent to third parties. The content of them is, as I described in my intiial post, an increasingly hysterical succession of fantasies, accusing me of "lies" and "covering up" crimes ranging from rape to murder. However, letters to third parties are not harassment. They are defamatory, but that concept doesn't get you anywhere.

What I'm trying to do here, as I said in the first post, is to try to figure out what ails this guy mentally -- putting together his delusions and obsessions and paranoia -- and figure out a) whether he is dangerous and b) what, if anything, can be done to get him to go away.

Um, I don't think he meant people with mental illness as 'nuts' in general. He's referring the term, for lack of better word, to that person who's causing so much grief - an individual.

Just my opinion and "you know everyone has one (light hearted joke)" Seriousley though, I just don't think figuring him out or what ails him would help in fact sounds dangerouse. There's so many things that could be driving him. The only thing I see as far as getting him to go away at this point is change your number. Sorry not much help but please be careful in what ever you do. I will pray for you!
mlyn

I have some experience with stalkers working where I work. Everything that everyone has said about saving letters and such is absolutely wonderful and right. Also contact your local domestic violence center. Often they can help you find a Victim Advocate in the court system to help sign a "Relief from Abuse" form so you can get a restraining order if you want one.
Stalkers can be very dangerous and should not be put off. Unfortunately just ignoring them can often make things worse. Please take care of yourself

Jessica