Stalker or not??

I have this friend, who I have written about before, that is fixed having a certain kind of friendship. Although I enjoy her friendship somewhat, I feel it is "all or nothing" when it comes to whether or not we are even compatible as friends. She is 40 and has hubbie and children, so I really don't understand her constant need to always talk on the phone or wanting to meet every week. (which we don't do) I finally was able to put it together this past week somewhat after we had lunch. Here is how it goes. I met this girl in a class at the Univ. She recognized me from a photo at the salon where my mother works. (she use to do her hair). I never contacted her after that class, nor did we exchange contact info. Well a few years later she called me and started emailing. She got my contact info from my mother. I didn't really understand why she was calling but since I lived very far away it wasn't that often. I ended up changing my email address because she would send all kinds of e-crap to me. Even after I asked her many times to stop she didn't. That really ticked me off. The next move was close to home and I never let her know my forwarding address. I also didn't think to tell my mom no to give it out. Well low and behold she started calling and was also living in the same town. She is very nice, but we have very different styles of friendship. I am more laid back and do not like a lot of contact. I meet my normal friends once or twice every two months. Nor do I call every week or even months to my friends. Even living in the same town with er, we had good distance between us, then she moved three bolck from where I live. I was very upset about this and stopped all contact for almost a year. She asked why I stopped calling and I told her that I don't need that much contact with my friends,...and explained that I have never had a friend who calls as much as she does, and made my point pretty clear I thought. She called and told me about her second child being born. That was in the Fall. She has been contacting me more regularly since then, and now recently with fervor. I have mentioned to her that she needs to get out and do things and maybe put her kids in a playgroup or something to free up her time to either look for work or do something she enjoys. I told her I never have time where I am not without somehting to do, or can't think of something to do. We met Friday and I brought this up again about keeping herself busy. I do a lot of civic work and enjoy being involved in the neighborhood. She is at home all day and night with the kids and I feel like I am her only outlet besides family members. After our lunch Friday I came to the conclusion that she might be delusional. She mentioned she had sent me a gift for our wedding, gourmet cookies. Not only did I not have contact with her during my wedding, but never invited her or remember receiving anything from her. She said maybe my mother mentioned it to her about the wedding . I was curious and asked my mom th enext day. She said she could have mentioned it to her, but did not have her on the invitation list or gift record.......etc. My dilemma is should I put an end to our friendship or try to control the contact , as i have lately. (mean i don't return all of her calls and only talk when I want to) I will be having house guests the first of the month and if I tell her I know she will want to meet them. She insisted meeting my inlaws when they came to town even after I said no several times. She insisted she would just pop by. This I don't understand why she would want to meet my extended family. Well if she is insistant this time, it would be a nice example to point out her behavior and tell her we just aren't compatible.
I appreciate any advice about thsi. One frined said I should avoid her like the plague that she most certainly has a mental problem and seems unstable. I think more so than that it is just her idea of how friends should be and her trying to force a friendship. Help Please!!

I have a question for you:
Why are you maintaining a relationship (even if it is limited) with somebody you evidently have nothing in common with, and that o top of that, makes you uncomfortable?
Are you just being polite? Tell her bye bye. Your age is different, your stage in life is different, your interest and life style are different.. Tell her she is a good person, but you WANT to move on to other friendships.

gab

Hi Gloria,
I asked myself the same question. And I think that since I have never dealt with someone like this, I just didn't know it would escalate into what it has. We are maybe 8 years apart, although we might have nice conversations sometimes, it is her emotional style that is not compatible. The amount of closeness she wants is what we don't share. Yes, I am very nice and I hate to be in a position where I could hurt someones feelings., but I really need to think in terms if self preservation. I wish I could do it just as you wrote it. I will not answer her calls and see where that goes. Although silence speaks volumes, she will want to know why and then maybe it will be easier. I just hate that we will run into each other in the neighborhood. Being that there are some aspects about her that I enjoy, when I look at the whole relationship, I know I would be happier without it. Thanks for the advice and I'll work on a good exit.

good idea. but the exit needs to be good only for you, remember.

she isn't a stalker, but a leech. give her a referral for a good T, eh?

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

It is so liberating not answering the calls this week. Before when I ditched the calls I felt like she is expecting me to call her and always thought about it. Now that I have a goal in mind and know what the result will be, I have no trouble letting the machine get it, then forgetting about it. Cutting ties with a friend can be very stressful, but having peace in the house is worth so much.

yeah good for you. gee, my answering machine is often erased by the thunderstorms here that dip the power....

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>