[Candor]

a friend of mine, that I haven't seen in a long time, wants to visit me. I'd love to see her, but I'm so ashamed of how I look. I look a lot different than she remembers. Of course she says she doesn't care, (what else would she say), but I do.

I just don't want to see the look in her eyes, that I give myself everyday.

B4 my mom came to visit, I told her "I'm aware of my weight gain, I'm unhappy enough about it, I don't need any comments from you". I thought, ok, I'm protecting myself, by letting her know b4hand.

Not saying anything was really eating away at her, because a couple off days later she says, "I know you didn't want me to say anything, but what happened?".

I was like, so I'm so shockingly disgusting that EVEN at my request, your compelled to say something. UGHH...I feel silly, stupid, but at the same time seeing my friend is causing me such anxiety, that i feel myself mentally shutting down. HELP

((((Candors)))))

Candor I have the same problem, or did at the way I look. But I am learning to be myself at last and if she/he is a true friend they will look at the lovely person that you are. People who look from the outside are not worth the bother and I'm sure you are worrying unecessarily. It is hard when you have been put down all your life, but please look at yourself and say 'this is me' you are beautiful, everyone is beautiful and we are all unique. Just be you, don't listen to the lies your head is telling you and enjoy seeing your friend. Have a wonderful time and please don't be so hard on yourself. It's easier said than done but life is too short .... I wish you a lovely time with your friend, please let us know how it went .... I'm sure you will be fine.

love, Jinny xxxxxx

[Candor]

thank you Jinny for your kind words. you're right, but i don't know if i can conquer these thoughts long enough to go thru with the visit.(nevermind enjoying it) my anxiety is way too high.

Do you know this person well enough to express how you feel? They might be more understanding than you think if you voice your anxiety. I hope you can overcome these feelings, because I'm sure once you see each other it will be a day to remember for all the right reasons, I wish you well, this is from someone who shared these fears not so long ago ..... tc

Jinny xx

[KathyM]

My sister gained a lot of weight, and I know this is a problem for her too. With me, she's still the same sister I've always known and I feel the same way about friends of mine who have gained weight. Big deal - it's just more to love. Easier said than done, though, from your end.

I have an illness that is causing my face to become disfigured and ugly. I almost laugh when medical literature calls it a "socio-aesthetic disadvantage" (fancy word for ugly) - I almost laugh. I used to be very pretty, but I never paid much attention to my looks. Still, I never realized all the perks that came with being pretty. It's strange to walk into a room and have people do double-takes or look at me as if I'm a freak. They used to just smile.

I feel the same way as you about friends I haven't seen for a long time. I'd rather they remember me the way I used to look.

You and I both know if they are good friends, it would be rude not to see them - and it would suck to lose a friendship over this. With me, it helps to warn them ahead of time I've become hideously ugly - but I'll have smelling salts on hand in case they faint when they see me.

[Candor]

Kathy thanks so much 4 sharing. Sometimes I feel silly for feeling the way I do, when I know others are struggling with bigger issues. I too didn't realize how attractive i was, until i wasn't anymore. How do your friends react when you see them? do you see it in their eyes? have you ever regretted going thru with the meeting? i would rather just keep having the phone friendship, than ruin their image of me.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((( Candor ))))))))))))

[Candor]

thx fuzzy

[gimmeice]

((((((((((((((Candor))))))))))))))))

[Candor]

thx gim. I'm so unhappy

[TaintedGoth1]

Oh boy do I know that feeling all too well. I've gained so much weight that I'm ashamed to see people I know, too. But I guess it's the person inside that matters, not what you look like on the outside...

Try to hang in there.

[Candor]

it helps to know that others understand what i'm going thru. idk, what i'm going to do, tho.

I know what you are going through .....please candor, please take that bit between your teeth and meet your friend .... i hurt with you because i know how you feel .... there is more of you to love, just like i tell my hubby ..... there was a time when i didn't undress in front of him, but i am so much happier now i have a bit of confidence, it took a lot for me,itreally did, sound silly huh? but now and only over the last few weeks, something changed inside of me and i embrace myself .... not that i think i'm super attractive, far far from it ... but i am happier in myelf because i've accepted ME after all these years... i have never been happier,and my hubby is too because the problem was in my head .... he sees me as the Kerry he always knw and loved even though i piled on weight through my depression and prolems. Candor, it's hard, i know it is, but please give you and your friend the benefit of the doubt and have a lovely time, pm me, vent to me, anything ... i just want you to feel that freedom again so much. your friend will love you just the same.... why shouldn't she? you are the same person. i know it's easy for me to say all this, but i DO know how you feel, it's liketalking to me not so long ago.

good luck sweetie, i don't want you to be so unhappy about this, hugs, sincerely Jinny xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[KathyM]

When you go to meet your friend, dress yourself up in your favorite/finest clothes - or maybe even wear something new. Take charge of your beauty and wear every extra pound with pride - allow your inner beauty to glow. I'm quite sure your friendship was never based on how you look anyway.

If you happen to notice that look of disappointment in your friend, it will be an opportunity for you to tell her how hard it's been for your self-esteem. It might reduce the risk of her saying something stupid. After all this time, I think everyone should know losing weight isn't as easy as following a simple formula or diet plan.

Good luck - let us know how it goes.

[Candor]

thank you both kathy & jinny. i'm going to deall with this the best i can. who knows u might get that pm jinny

......i'm here sweetie ...... i do understand, more than you'll ever know ...... hugs, Jinny xoxoxoxoxoxo

[Candor]

it's hard to believe people don't see you, the way u see yourself. or i should say me, it's hard 4 'me' to believe.