"Happy?"

One thing i have a really hard time coming to terms with is that there "actually is something wrong". Most of the time i think that i'm just being over-dramatic (even when certain situations warrent how i'm feeling) ... i recently started on Celexa (little over 2 months ago) and I kind of feel better ... but i can't but help feel like it's all fake. And whenever i feel a little "happier" its like i feel guilty for it. Its like nothing feels real anymore, and i just dont care. But lately i've gotten to wondering if there IS something completley wrong with me that makes me NOT want to be happy? I can't imagine why anyone would not want to be happy ... what is wrong with me?

I'm sorry to hear you are so troubled. What you are describing is something a lot of us go through. It sounds like a type of mood swings. It also sounds like the celexa is starting to help but needs more time. Depression has a way of taking hold of your thinking, so that when you start getting better, it doesn't seem real. Talk to your therapist or pdoc. You may need to increase the celexa or add a stabilizing agent. Good luck! You do want to be happy, but you need time and support (emotional and medicinal) to get there.

I've been there where I can't figure out why I'm not happy. Circumstances would suggest that I would be happy. Am I just being a whiney person? Then I look back at my history & realize most "normal" people don't attempt suicide, crawl into closets crying because I hate myself so much, isolating from those who love me (do they really?), testing my family until they give up on me. I had to go for mental health care if I wanted any quality of life. Got a dx of bp, started on meds & have been working on getting my life into the normal range.--Suzy

sounds very familiar to me, and i think i can explain what it is too.

when we live a life of unhappiness (due to things out of our control) we grow used to it, and its what we expect out of life, to be unhappy. but when we actual feel happy, genuinely happy, we dont believe it, and our unhappy side of us refuses to belive this new happiness, so it refuses it, and makes you feel it is fake. it is because we live for so long being unhappy, that happiness seems fake, and that we dont deserve it. you do deserve it, and it is real. so next time you feel happy, just embrace it for what it is, nothing more, nothing less. and see how it goes.

simon

thanks for your replies everyone .... kind of comforting knowing that i'm not completely alone in how i'm feeling.

(((((((((Jacq))))))))))))

I'm sorry - this time of year really sucks doesn't it?

I do know how you feel, when I start feeling happy I'm confronted with the idea of "was I ever really miserable to begin with, or was I lying or overexaggerating?".

Trying to be used to and accept being happy is hard work -- getting used to one thing and then trying to change things can be really weird.

Contact me if you ever want to chat.

I don't know what happy is. can't seem to find it either.
if you figure out how to be happy, i'd like to know. maybe it's just about being 'content' but that's hard to achieve too i know.