[Ricky]

Hi. I was wondering if anyone can give any suggestions on overcoming "race insecurities"...if that is the proper term for it.
I am 36 yrs and mixed Asian(Spanish-Asian). I have this nagging wish that I was caucasian and feel very insecure about my race. I know it is wrong but cant seem to knock of this insecurity.
I have this impression that "white" people are more confident about themselves and "better" than the rest of us. I suffer from mild OCD and I feel this makes things worse for me.
I am also gay and wrongly feel that most white male are better than me especially if they look good.
I have been able to overcome a lot of my "troubled feelings" but there are still quite a number that I have to get over.
Hoping for an objective comment.....

[LMo]

Ricky...
I don't know what to tell you other than that I (white female) do NOT see you as being inferior in any way. In fact, I am MORE attracted to other ethnic backgrounds than to white men (too bad you're off the market! ;-) ). I am grateful that I live in a society where diversity is more welcome than in many countries. Not sure if you're American or not, but think about what it would be like to live in an interior village in, say, Bolivia. You're much less of a sore thumb here, so be glad for that. Try to focus on the percentage of white males who are uncultured morons.
My dad is European and I have ALWAYS felt the American Inferiority Complex. Always had a nagging sense that Europeans think that Americans are uncultured slobs, for the most part. I do find myself going out of my way to change the standard... but really, you are on the right track to try to work the bad feelings out of yourself and aim for being secure with who you are.

Hope your therapist can work with you on this and that you find some additional support here. I, for one, would rather spend time with a gay asian/hispanic than a stuffed white suit.

[SeptemberMorn]

Anyone Bi-Racial?

Ricky, this is the link to another thread where the subject was touched upon. I don't know if anyone here that is bi-racial has come to any conclusions, though. Maybe it will help you to know you're not the only one.

[SweetCrusader]

I wish I had some sagely advice for you! I know what it's like feeling ashamed of who you are.

Just want you to know that, sight unseen even, I think you're a beautiful person (or handsome if you prefer). Because beauty comes from inside and it radiates through you- whatever skin color you have (and that is NOT to say that I believe any skin color is any more beautiful than any other. All are beautiful to me). This not just a trite expression to me. I mean it truly, really, and deeply.

Welcome to psychcentral. (((hugs))) if you want them. I hope you will like your new home with us!!

Angela

[Ricky]

Thank you very much for your kind words.
I know that I have a lot to be thankful for..its just that I think all this negative stuff is in my subconscious and comes out subtley at times...
Unfortunately I am not going to couselling though.....I had a bad experience on that..I went to a pyschiatrist for treatment of OCD (which i am doing much better now) but my marriage (to a girl) came crumbling down as a result......its actually there where I became a "practicing" gay male.....argghhh such complicated lives we live .....anyway..that is another story and I dont want to be boring with my issues.....
Thank you once more for your kind words...I will do my best to keep that in my mind.

[Ricky]

Thank you for your welcome....I do hope to make this my "home" for support and hopefully giving others support on what I also have been through...

[PlanningtoLive]

{{{{Ricky}}}}}}}} hugs if it's okay

Welcome to the forum. I am Spanish and Irish and I know some people have problems with different cultures and different ways of life. "White" people are no different than any of the rest of us, in anyway.

I also admire your courage in coming out. Some of us are still not completely secure enough to do that. Your preferences don't make you less of anything. We are all equal and our lifestyles have no bearing on that.

I hope you decide to go see a therapist about the OCD so that you can start realizing what an awesome person you are. And maybe we can work on that as well.

Mary Alice

[dexter]

>>I have this impression that "white" people are more confident about themselves

I can assure you that is not true. In fact some people who seem very confident are acually very insecure. And personally I believe that in many cases, people who judge others as "worse" than themselves are really just expressing the same kind of personal insecurity as people who judge themselves "better." I think people who truly are secure in who they are don't care, worry, or even notice whether the people close to them are white, gay, black, straight, asian, extra-terrestrial, or vegan.

Try to take what others might be thinking out of the equation. Don't project your own insecurities onto them, assuming what they may be thinking. Just work on loving yourself and getting your confidence to match the reality of who you are.

[(JD)]

I agree, in a sense, with dexter... anglo people are not more confident within themselves... but it is certainly easier to live in western society if you look anglo, and therefore you can "feel" confident that no one will lash out at you for being someplace you "don't belong."

Fortunately in this part of the world the idea of "race" grows smaller and smaller... and only truly bias ppl have any problem with ppl of a different from themselves. It is not so in many parts of the world... where an anglo... European anglo... stands out without trying!

I enjoy ppl of all races and find that confidence has to do with the person, not the race.