Never Understanding

Sorry to whine and sorry if it's in the wrong forum.

I don't like to go out much these days, but whenever I do, people just have to stare at me and my wheelchair as if it is some kind of foreign space object and I sit on it like an alien on a throne. I get the same looks if I go out anywhere with my kids I get judged at first sight! People are not understanding at all.

It drives me nuts- it's a wheelchair. I'm a young adult. I hate being in a wheelchair enough as it is, and it drives me completely crazy when people have to-

a) stare at it
b) ask me why I'm in a wheelchair
c) make comments about how I seem too young to be in a wheelchair to whoever they're with
d) gawk at me when I try to open doors or whatever. if you're going to stare at me having trouble doing something, jaw hanging open, you can offer to help!



I don't want to be super grumpy, and I know I've been in a bad place lately, and that I'm irked easily, but there's nothing shocking about a wheelchair! I hate having the reduced mobility, my house hasn't been fixed up yet because we may move, I'm not used to it at all, and when strangers ask pestering questions about it, it makes me feel worse.

Other people can be so senseless to situations and they make me feel like worthless rubbish Is it even possible to think of how the other person feels before they go and judge?

((((((((((((( Griffe ))))))))))))))
I'm sorry! Judging always stinks imho, and especially when people are judging how you describe

(((((((((( Griffe )))))))))) I count you as a friend, and on reading you post, the first thing I thought was, why is Griffe in a wheelchair? Does that make me insensitive or uncaring or judging? I personally don't believe it does.

People do stare out of curiosity and at anything out of the ordinary, unfortunately people will do that. And then they don't know what to do. Frightened of offering to help incase it offends you maybe.

I'm sorry things are so rough for you.

I won't judge you! I have lots of friends in chairs and I look at them just as I would anyone else. I'm sorry there are so many people who don't look to you as someone with feelings. That is so disrespectful!

I would open the door for you! I would pick up something if you couldn't reach it. I would help you load your chair into the car or van. I would reach something too high for you. I would give you hugs when you need it!

Just look at them the way they look at you! Make THEM feel the way they make YOU feel! That's what I say!

I'm here for ya!
BJ

I get what you're saying Peg, and I hope I didn't come off as rude. I'm very sorry if I did.

It just gets a little much when complete strangers, who I will probably never meet again in my life, ask why I'm in a wheelchair. Probably ironic that I make a post about people judging me, and then I judge them and find the questions and comments they make hurtful. I guess I'm a private person and when people seem very curious I get offended? It's a bit of a knee-jerk reaction to be angry when you feel a little like a carnival animal, with nosy people pestering.

But when someone I consider a friend asks me why I'm in a wheelchair, it's a little different to me, because it's someone I trust, who trusts me, and it's a lot easier to explain. It kind of catches me off guard when someone random will ask me why, or will stare at me, and it doesn't help being shy.

Part of it is not being used to being in a wheelchair, and just wanting to 'blend in' and not stick out like I do now. It's hard to go unnoticed when everyone in a store is staring at you

(((((((((((( Griffe ))))))))))))) I wish I could be there with you, then we could talk and be relaxed and ignore the people staring at you.

(((Griffe))) I try to view it from another angle, because even when I'm out in a wheelchair, I look at others and their chairs too.

People who are too busy to care will not notice me or anyone.
Some people have a loved one in a wheelchair, and are comparing (maybe me, and maybe the chair, maybe how it works for me or doesn't?)
Most people don't want to ignore me, but don't know what to say and in the space of time they are thinking of something to say, they are "staring."

I'm not young, but maybe they are adding empathy for you, being young, and you can latch onto that energy and use it.
When I look at someone, usually it's close by and I am reviewing the chair. Often I ask questions about the chair too.

It's difficult for others to begin conversations to begin with, now add that I'm sitting at their knee level.. it's can just be awkward, you know?

Yes, some people stare because they are rude and inconsiderate. Usually these people will also make stupid comments, showing that their life is truly all about them only.

Dear ((((((((((((Griffe)))))))))))

I do understand where you are coming from. My only benefit, at age 21, is that I've been in my manual wheelchair for my entire life ... so I've gotten used to it, at least on the "good" days.

Having a wheelchair isn't fun where people's misconceptions are concerned, sadly. I know a lot of well-meaning people who ask because they want to learn, but some people just ask "for the heck of it". I've had some pretty personal questions asked of me as a person... like "can I have sex". I don't mind it when younger kids ask me questions, because they're coming from it with a more open mind than most adults.

Some people are understanding... but the ones that aren't, we've got to teach them a thing or two about how to act around a person with a mobility impairment, because otherwise they'll continue through life treating all people with wheelchairs as invalids or aliens from another planet.

If you want to whine some more, you can always come talk to me... I've got lots of fun stories.

when people ask you why you are in a wheelchair simply tell them 'Because I can not walk'!
It's not any of their business. Unless they are people you know, or see regularly of course. And if you dont feel comfortable telling them what really happened just say an accident and start another subject?
Also... thats so dumb... 'he seems to be to young to be in a wheelchair'... Unfortunately not only under the very old there are people who cant walk... like DÛH!
I know it sucks when people stare... I get people staring at my back (scars) all the time when I go swimming but at least I can cover it up most of the time.
But im sure you will get used to this with time and will be able to make some smartass comments when they next stare at you or something
((((Vince)))))))

Blue

(((((((((((((( Griffe ))))))))))))))))))))

(((Griffe))))

I'm sorry that people stare at you when you're out & make comments. Being charitable it could just be curiosity poorly masked.

As for helping someone in a wheelchair open doors and such, I always feel really awkward. I want to help but I don't want to offend the other person either, by making them think that I think that they're not capable of managing.

splitimage

I think I understand what you are going through; my stepson is extremely tall and gets gawks and rude questions everywhere he goes and I have a good friend who is quadriplegic so I understand about the chair thing too.

People don't understand the multitude of how many there are, it's not just "them" but everyone doing it and that adds up. They don't think. My son had to report a bank teller to her boss because she was asking him about his height and making gawking, personal comments instead of just conducting his business he needed done!

It really has to be a tough situation. I'd be tempted to think up some not very nice, pointed comments. I always love Gary, my quadriplegic friend's humor, he has a good line, "Don't make me get up out of this chair!"

I've been asked that too, Christina! I just give people a very cross look and don't answer. I don't really mind when kids ask questions so much, and my nephew really gets a kick out of my wheelchair. I get a lot of strange questions from adults though... some far too personal.

Thank you for the insight Sky. It is difficult talking to people while I'm sitting I'm a tall person and I was used to being taller then my friends... turn of events now.

Generally I'm too shy to say anything rude or smartass... I should though.

It kind of gets to a point where I'm scared of going out because of how people will look... I'm probably over-reacting, but it makes me feel bad

(((((((((((Griffe))))))))))) You aren't overreacting, it takes a long time to get used to having a wheelchair, and a long time to get used to people around us - how they act, what they say, how they treat us.

Some adults are a little bit scared of the wheelchair... with the aging population and that being older (a senior) means more of them will wind up in wheelchairs eventually... they seem to ask questions because they are scared.

Some adults are just plain weird... the amount of people saying that they are "praying for me" to get better scares me... but the older people 60+ are pretty nice, they normally just ask what a nice girl like me is doing in a wheelchair. They understand more about what being different/disabled is all about since they're kinda at that point.

I guess a lot of it is having a good deal of pent up anger about being in a wheelchair, and kind of lashing it out at one of the factors that's annoying about being in a wheelchair The shift from no wheelchair to wheelchair was very quick and I still haven't had too much adaption time.

I got a lot of questions from younger people, I guess they just wonder why I'm in a wheelchair. It's not too often, but sometimes I'll get wheelchair jokes, I guess you just have to brush those off and try to ignore. It's just those wide-eyed stares that are the worst- or they "he looks too young to be in a wheelchair, I wonder what happened", "what must have happened to that guy?" comments people make to each other.

It just makes it annoying to go out, not only because of the comments and staring, but once you get in a wheelchair, it makes you see how inaccesable things can be. Kind of makes going out feel like a chore, almost.

No there is nothing wrong with anyone in a wheelchair, how rude are people? I think the general public just needs to be slapped in the face for some of the dumb things they do.,

I am very, very aware NEVER to stare EVER EVER I am very sensitive try to make the handicapped feel at home joke with them after all I am handicapped mentally................

People tend to notice what's different. Would it help to have a joke all ready for them? If they ask why you're in a wheelchair, say you're working on your upper body strength or something. That will put them at ease and show them the absurdity of their question and let them know you aren't comfortable pouring your heart out to strangers.

Maybe find a fully bumper sticker and put it on your chair. Let people know there's no reason to stare. Sort of a nothing to see here folks. Move along.

People also think they can put their hands on pregnant women's tummys.

I don't know if it helps, I'm thankfully fully mobile and don't usually deal with gawking passer-bys, but if I feel like someone is judging me, I'll make eye contact. I'll even give people just a hint of a smile. I feel like when I do, anything that person originally thought goes out the window. Like if you look into a person's eyes, you see who they actually are.

Just a suggestion.

<font color="purple">You're not whining.

I don't think it is so much as judging when people ask or stare, so much as it is curiosity and a tad of ignorance. I have a tendancy to do the same thing with staring and at least thinking about asking whenever I see someone in a wheelchair- and I don't even mean to (infact I feel kind of bad about it)

As for the people who just watch you have trouble with doors and stuff- they should at least help. </font>