[Anathea]

I'm at the point of thinking I need to committ myself for awhile, (2 half-hearted suicide attempts, etc.) but am afraid. I don't know what to expect, whether it will help, what the long term ramifications are in "real life," etc. Has anyone here gone away for awhile?

[lenjan]

I'm not sure how "voluntary" mine was -- I sat in my pdoc's office and told him I couldn't promise I wouldn't make an attempt, and he said "let me just call over to admissions" -- though I did agree it was probably the best place for me at the time.

It is not a lot of fun, and it is a lot of hard work -- we started groups at 10 a.m. and didn't end till 7 p.m., with breaks for meals, smokes, etc. There were opportunities to socialize -- videos, games, a music room, etc. There were also 15- to 30-minute checks to see where everybody was, and they went all night long -- in other words, there is somebody opening your door and sticking a flashlight in at 3 a.m. to make sure you're in bed asleep.

They will take anything you could even think of, and some things that would never cross your mind, if you're suicidal. Shoelaces, keys, etc go in a safe, locked place. There's lots of dresser space for your clothes, but no bars in the closet, no hangers, showers have doors instead of rods with a shower curtain, no phones in the rooms, etc.

As for longterm ramifications, I haven't experienced any yet -- I'm upfront with work about my problems. I can also sue them under the Americans with Disabilities Act if they try to can me because of my mental illnesses. It's nobody else's business, ultimately, so you can conceal or reveal as you see fit.

If you're thinking about it, that's probably a sign that you should do it. Do whatever you need to to take care of yourself.

Candy

[Anathea]

How long were you there for? Was it a scary thing for you? Did you wish you hadn't "agreed?"

[lenjan]

I was inpatient for 3 days and in the "partial hospital" (you're there 8 hours a day, but you get to go home and sleep in your own bed at night) for 4.

After I'd been all checked in, etc, I did have a moment of standing in my room alone and saying to myself "How the f*** did I get here?" -- I never thought I'd have to resort to it. It was a little scary at first, but once groups get going, you have no time to be scared or anything else.

I'm not sorry I agreed with my pdoc's decision -- it was the best one for me at the time. It was pure willpower that I hadn't made a serious attempt before that appointment, but I certainly would have within the next day or two, had he not had me admitted. His office is like a 3-minute walk to the hospital, and the whole way he just kept saying, "I'm so relieved, I've been so worried about you." I was kind of worried about me too, so I'm glad I went. It's a safe place in a time where you most need to be safe.

Again, don't hesitate if you think this is what you need. I resisted for a long time -- there have been other points in the last few years where I should have gone, but chose to stick it out instead -- but now that I know what it's like, if I need to go again, I'm going.

Candy

[eskielover]

I've been in out of hospitals for years. Only a few were voluntary. Most, I was taken there by the paramedics. That was when it really stunk because I was placed on a 72 hr hold, & once it was extended. That actually goes on some kind of record because you can't buy a gun for 5 yrs after any 72 hr hold. Not that I would have wanted to anyway, not exactly my choice of the way I would want to go. I ended up in the medical hospital first a few times to stabalize me bacause they don't allow IV's, needles, or breathing machines in the psych ward.

When in the locked unit, I always hated that place. It was really scarry cause there were people that really gave me the creeps (I probably gave them the creeps also).

If you suggest it yourself & go peacefully (voluntarily), it is much better because you feel like it is your own choice to be there & it's easier to be cooperative. They get pissed off if you just lay in your room & don't participate in the groups, which is really why you are there anyway.

If you feel like you need it. please have your pdoc admit you. I ended up going in that way towards the end of my hospitalizations & had a much better attitude toward the treatment. It is better to be safe than sorry. Looking back, it really wasn't that bad.

[Wants2Fly]

Would you who have been there speak about what you got out of the experience -- in addition to being in a safe place at a time when you felt you needed to be.

Backstory: A few weeks ago, I was asking the same question as Anathea. My meds kicked in, and I decided I wasn't that unsafe.

I toured the hospital with an intake counselor who was young enough to be my son. Biased though it may be, I do not believe that young people have gone through enough of the experiences of life to be the right counselors for me, no matter how great their education may be.

<font color="red">ANATHEA, I want to emphasize that I would have gone had my meds not started working. I was in a very, very bad and out of options. </font>

I would appreciate any specific examples anyone can provide about how being in a hospital helped. People tend to cycle in and out of depression, and I may need to know in the future.

[lenjan]

My therapist is a "baby T," still in school. He's 26 years old and the best therapist I have ever had, hands down. You might want to try to lose that bias. :-)

I found the groups helpful, because there are bound to be other people in them with at least one or two of your same issues, and you can help each other with new ideas, etc. The success of the group can depend on the competence of the therapist running it, but I only ran across one who had no business being a mental health professional, although she would have made a good kindergarten teacher.

I also appreciated that I was there with other struggling people. Try as they might, your friends have no idea what you're going through unless they've gone through it. Real support comes from fellow travelers (isn't that why we're all here on these forums?).

I appreciated that I saw a pdoc daily for as long a period of time as he felt was necessary to spend with me. That helped keep me grounded and I felt cared for and knew that I wasn't going to be left alone to deal with all the crap going on in my head. I am eternally grateful to my inpatient pdoc -- my regular pdoc doesn't do inpatient, but he hooked me up with a friend of his who does, at that hospital. I was admitted at about 8 on a Friday night, and by 9 Saturday morning, the first time he came to see me, he knew everything about my history and I didn't have to waste time starting from the very beginning. I thought it was impressive that on his own time he clearly decided to call my regular pdoc to discuss what needed to be done with me.

Overall, while it's not on my top 10 vacation spots :-), it was a good experience for me, and now that I know what it's about, I'll be less hesitant to do it again.

Candy

[PlanningtoLive]

I also have been admitted about 3 times. None were of my own free will. The last one I almost didn't make it - I was in ICU for awhile.

I wish I had the treatment Candy had - I only saw the pdocs on Monday. That was it - one day a week, unless there was a major issue.

They had group a couple of times a week, but for the most part, it was "do as you please". You gained different levels for privilges. I stayed in for about a week last time.

Did I get much out of it? Well, other than it being safe for me, no not a whole lot.

I would still go if I could - I believe I need to be there, but I have to work for my family.

I wish you the best - don't wait till it is too late.

[krzyk101]

Hello,

What have I got out of a Psych Hospital as a Voulentary Patient?

I have been hospitalized numerous times over the years. For me I am not exactly sure what I really got other than safety and life in some sorts of sense.

I do know having been in different types of Psych Hospitals or 'Behavioral Health Centers' that they all differ in there ways of treating the patients.

I have learned that the Community Non Profit type of Psch Hospital where I live is more or less a holding station for those who are strictly and evaluted and determined to be a direct danger to themselves or others and most admissions are on an emergency type basis.

Thus having one basic goal in keeping and medicating the patient or adjusting the paitents medications as quick as possible with the main goal that they be able to go back into society without being a direct threat to themselves or others.

The community Psych Hospital where I live lets you sign yourself in 'Voulantary' only when you or if you try to 'Sign yourself out' there is a clause...the Psychiatrist has up to 5 days to make a decision if you are stable to be released back into society.

If during the 5 day period while the patient is being detained, then if the Psychiatrist feels you are NOT ready to be discharged...The patiented is transported to the Court in which a hearing is held in front of a Judge as to why the Psychiatrist is requesting a Temp. Commitment (which is 90 days in which they are responsible for you) and the Judge makes his or her decision and most generally always sides with the Psychiatrist...thus gone from a Voulentary Patient to a Commited Patient.

Once commited they can simply call the Police and have you 'Picked Up' and put into the hospital without any consent from the Commited individual. They can also place the Commited person in a half way house or Group Home as long as they see fit.

Once it is time for the Temp Commitment to expire you have to go in front of the courts again and then the Mental Health People give their recomendation as to if the person needs no longer to be Commited to there care or If they feel a Regular One year Commitment is in order.

I just know in my experience I just agree with what they want and take my medications and pray to stay out of the hospital and not be commited.

Hospitalization has benifited me when I was experiencing full blown Psychosis and was unalble to care or make rational decisions regarding my own personal well being or my had no idea where I was or what I was doing or what was going on.

Peace

[Anathea]

Your stories are proving to be invaluable and enlightening to me.

My situation is that I feel like I am at the end of my rope. My marriage is falling apart after 28 yrs, my depression seems not to be responding to my meds, (although which came first is a good guess) I am not sleeping well, started drinking again to medicate myself.(after being sober for 16 years) and am scaring my family and, quite frankly, myself.

After the two suicide attempts (and I stress, in retrospect, they were really attempts -- I knew I was just trying to scare my husband) I just didn't know what to do. My pdoc was on vacation (figures) and his on-call replacement urged my husband to take me to the hospital for observation. I was scared at the idea and my husband didn't want to make me feel worse, so we didn't go.

That was two weeks ago and my mood has not gotten better and my pdoc thinks I would benefit by a little "vacation" at the hospital. He keeps saying it's not a bad place to be and I will feel better when I get out. At least he is not insisting -- I do think he believes that I was not seriously trying to harm myself -- but of course, people who are not serious do suceed -- by accident.

I am petrified that I will be shot full of drugs and be scared all the time and have a really negative experience.

I just don't know about the hospital that he is recommending me too I guess that's one of my biggest worries.

[Wants2Fly]

The hospital I toured (River Oaks, New Orleans) was clean and pretty nice. A private hospital.

Perhaps you can go to the facility you are considering and talk with an intake counselor, get a tour, etc. Knowledge is power.

[eskielover]

Finally have a chance to read the posts &amp; reply. During the first few years, I was usually involuntarily admitted into the hospital, with ER, charcoal, &amp; misc other things. The first hospital I was put into only had an open unit, but after OD'ing, I was put in the observation room. I was so PO'ed that I wouldn't cooperate with anyone or anything. After all, I didn't belong there. I wasn't sick. Nothing was wrong. Why should I be there? I didn't have anything in common with anyone else there, so LEAVE ME ALONE! Actually that attitude went on for years. They had groups, but I didn't have anything to say so why bother going. They can't make me. When that hospital was closed, I usually was taken by ambulance to the ER of the local hospital (the only local one with a psych ward, including a closed unit). My insurance required me to go to a hospital 100 miles away from home. PO'ed even worse. Many times I had to be hospitalized even in ICU (while in a coma) to be stabalized before being put into the closed unit. They usually had a nurse sitting in my room 24 hr/day (one-on-one). Continually had my attitude of not belonging there. I even tried to refuse going to the hospital via ambulance but was told that I would be arrested &amp; taken there anyway, so don't fight it. I also ended up in a hospital that treated eating disorders. My same attitued prevailed since I didn't want to be there either even though they were treating me because I was what they considered in a condition that needed immediate treatment even though I couldn't pay.

After a while, I would go to a couple of groups that sounded like they could be interesting, then found some help by going. I then tried a few more. It had to be my choice. I will never do anything I don't want to do. Finally, I began to realize that I actually could get some help other than from my pdoc &amp; psychologist, in the hospital environment. My Dr's had hospital practicing rights in the local hospital, but I was assigned a real jerk at the hospital my insurance required me to go to. I would never cooperate with him, NEVER!! My insurance initially sent me to the UCLA psych hospital. I was first placed in their closed unit, was that scarry. I stayed in my room afraid to come out. Had such a panic attack during the night that they let me sleep alone in the common room with checks every 15 minutes (common for all psych hospitals). Later, I was transferred to the open unit where we got the priviledge of going out in a group into Westwood &amp; go shopping. The only "not bad" part of the whole experience.

After my first psychiatrist decided not to treat me anymore (because I wouldn't stop abusing my psych meds &amp; others including tylenol &amp; laxatives), I ended up going voluntarily to other psych hospitals. Ended up in some really terrible hospitals thinking it might be the only way to find another Pdoc. I ended up in a private psych hospital, where I was assigned my current pdoc. Had some problems at first but after getting to know each other, grew respect on both our parts. I found this hospital to be more helpful. They offered groups that seemed to make sense. There were people I could relate to &amp; even socialize with to a limited extent. It was very hard to shake my initial feelings however, but as I became more able to open up, I found out I had more problems than initially met the eye. I also ended with my current psychologist through that hospital &amp; my pdoc when I had some husband abuse issues that helped put me into the hospital. I actually started to go to all the groups by my own decision, &amp; they actually started to help me realize more about myself. It didn't help the OD's initially, but over a few years, I did it less &amp; less, until it finally stopped. Every once in a while, the depression gets out of hand, I my pdoc puts me in the hospital to try a new med (because of the side effects I have, I can't take them with being observed). I have successfully been out of a psych hospital for over a year without any need to be in one. It's rather strange, going from almost living in the psych hospital to not needing it at all (knock on wood).

Initially, the hospital stays were for safety even though I didn't want it. Later, I actually understood what I could get out of it, &amp; participated. Maybe that is why I started to change my thought processes since no med ever worked. I had to realize that no pill would be magic &amp; that it was going to take a lot of hard work to get out of that cycle I was in. I had to decide that I wanted the cycle to stop. The groups, &amp; hospital stays with constant treatment finally seemed to get through to me. So in the long run, when I got over my arrogant attitude, I let the hospital environment actually do some good.

If you go into the hospital with an open attitude &amp; cooperate &amp; participate with the system, it really works, &amp; can actually help with your treatment.

At first it is just a very scarry environment to be placed into, especially if you have led a semi-sheltered life. Even after 40 years, it was an environment I was scarred of. Especially with all the preconceived views of psych hospitals that are provided as one grows up, if you never have had any actual experience.

My experiences may be different than some because I tend to fight &amp; not cooperate with situations I don't choose to be in. Luckily after 30+ hospitalizations, &amp; started to get something out of the treatments that were provided.

Sorry this is long, but I guess I went through a long process before allowing myself to get the help I needed.

[(JD)]

Perhaps the best way to look at a hospital stay of this type is for it's safety reasons.

It certainly isn't a vacation as one thinks of one, but to be released from all the stress of day to day living, yes.

A hospital is not a cure all. One goes to the hospital because they are not "safe" outside of watchful eyes, and are not able to follow the directions of their therapist, for whatever reasons.

A hospital stay is mainly to keep you safe until you can stablize, and make a plan of therapy that you can work with your T when you get out.

If you need the break to stablize... and certainly if your T is suggesting it... go.