a year ago

i was released from the loony ward, and left with the diagnosis of "bipolar disorder".

a year later, i have paid two additional trips to the same hospital, but to the ward for acutte psychoses. (my first trip was to the depression ward)

and i wonder.. could i have somehow prevented these "trips"?

yes.

by loving myself, not thinking too much about what the others think of me, not being too occupied thinking how i can make others like me more..

even if they were close to me.

you can't truly love others if you don't love yourself. you can fool yourself and you can fool others very well, too, but in the end it will take its toll.

this time i have "psychotic depression" and i was really, really worn out. what else can you expect?

i believe it was a message for me. it said:

"stop and look at yourself. you could have been worse, you could have been six feet under by now, but look at yourself. this isn't who you were, this is just the shell of you. and if you're not going to co-operate, then you are hopeless. but if you do, and if you decide to be you, love you, think you are valuable, you can get out of this mess."

sometimes i think my "moods" tell me things about me that i don't know.

i just hope they let me out soon. i have learned a valuable fact about me, and life.

positive thoughts, strength and peace to all from
katie

((((((((((((((Katie)))))))))))))

(((Katie))))))

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(((wanttoheal))) & (((nowheretorun)))

((((((((Katie)))))))