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#1
Dec 07, 2004, 06:09 PM
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I'm not sure if everyone has them but I do. I have monsters in my life and lately it seems as if they are coming around much more often than I'd like. I talked to my T about them yesterday and asked how much longer do I have to fight them. He told probably for the rest of my life. I didn't like this answer as I am losing ground with them and they are winning again. How do you battle your monsters and not let them win?
Janniebug
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I appreciate long walks especially when taken by people who annoy me. Noel Coward |
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#2
Dec 07, 2004, 06:20 PM
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Could you tell us a little more about what you mean by "monsters"?
Adieu |
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#3
Dec 07, 2004, 06:28 PM
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Jannie, I am unsure what your monsters are. If they are memories they can be processed and some of the hurt let go. If they are reactions to feelings, feelings happen. I just want to express to you that you are okay and whatever the monsters are, you can share. Hope that makes sense
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#4
Dec 07, 2004, 08:45 PM
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Me? Therapy!
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#5
Dec 07, 2004, 09:43 PM
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I have the depression monster, and he brings his friends the si monster, suicide monster and stay in bed all day monster. I also have the borderline monster that just generally wrecks havoc on my life. Right now I'm about to give up on the depression monster and his friends its so hard to fight them day in and day out I wish I had some nuclear energy I could throw at them and make them stay away.
Janniebug
__________________
I appreciate long walks especially when taken by people who annoy me. Noel Coward |
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#6
Dec 07, 2004, 09:56 PM
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Then yes indeed. I also have monsters.
((((Janniebug)))))
__________________
 Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name ~Alanis Morissette |
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#7
Dec 07, 2004, 10:34 PM
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ah ha, those monsters. I am making friends ever so slowly with mine. Long process but they can change and become good friends. (I hope)
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#8
Dec 08, 2004, 12:17 PM
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How do you all cope with that horrendously deceptive beast, the "there's nothing wrong with you!" monster??? He's the worst.
 His job is to guilt trip me and make me feel like I'm a big liar and a big fake and I have no right to waste people's time with my pathetic acting-out and frantic behavior over my MH issues and like I could "just stop all this" if I wanted to (which isn't the case but even if it were would it not mean there was something wrong with me anyway if I chronically chose not to???)I hate that monster. He always comes with these moments of feeling total clarity too. But where is he with all his "nothing wrong with you" jive when my anxiety is out the roof or my brain is shutting down into mute confusion or everything is loud, sharp, glittering and jarring me or the terror overwhelms me or the obsessions control me? Where is he then??? if "nothing" is really "wrong"????
__________________
~ Moriah Conquering Wind ~ +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ begin transmission 11.30.64 heh.finale (02) -111 11.22.63 jpl 156 435 666/93 abaddon temple annihilation bridge rev10 priestess 98 world-soul choronzon reversal babalon fallen forfeiture 01. unfinished sequence. system compromised. code gray. retrieval and cycling initiated 11.28.08, 74 >> 75 end transmission +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ >> postcards from the abyss << |
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#9
Dec 08, 2004, 05:02 PM
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I ended up giving in to one of my monsters last night. The big green slobbering one that holds a razor in its hand. I stopped by walmart last night and picked up a cake and a box of double sided razors. All the way home I was saying don't give in you can beat this etc. Well I guess I'm not as strong as I thought I was because I cut. Well I ended up calling my GP and luckily he was on call last night not one of his partners. We had a good talk and when I saw him this morning he said he was disappointed I couldn't throw the razors away but he understood why. He told me to call my pdoc asap and up my level of effexor again because we had lowered it with my last appointment. He said that my quitting smoking and the lowering of the effexor level was a major shock to the system and something needed to be raised and he didn't want me to start smoking again just to maintain statis quo. I agreed and called my pdoc but he's home sick today so I will have to find what he wants to do tomorrow. I have a feeling that when I get home tonight its going to be another battle and sadly my gp won't be on call tonight but he said if I needed to I could call him at home.
Janniebug
__________________
I appreciate long walks especially when taken by people who annoy me. Noel Coward |
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#10
Dec 08, 2004, 05:46 PM
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Janniebug,
The razors I understand, but what was the cake for? ~mal
__________________
~ Moriah Conquering Wind ~ +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ begin transmission 11.30.64 heh.finale (02) -111 11.22.63 jpl 156 435 666/93 abaddon temple annihilation bridge rev10 priestess 98 world-soul choronzon reversal babalon fallen forfeiture 01. unfinished sequence. system compromised. code gray. retrieval and cycling initiated 11.28.08, 74 >> 75 end transmission +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ >> postcards from the abyss << |
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#11
Dec 08, 2004, 05:53 PM
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Comfort food?
(((((Janniebug)))))) Hang in there. And please call your doc instead of cutting tonight, if the urge arises. Good luck! Angela
__________________
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name ~Alanis Morissette |
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#12
Dec 08, 2004, 09:19 PM
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Jannie, you are so wonderfully honest and open. I am sorry you are having trouble. The razors? Ahh, can't answer that but I personally am glad that I have no scalpels in the house because it removes the temtation a bit. Good luck my friend. BTW, what kinda cake? Carrot or cheese?
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#13
Dec 08, 2004, 09:24 PM
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The cake was because I had $3 and I knew that I could afford this little cake walmart sells. Its a white cake with buttercream frosting....you feel your arteries clamp shut when you eat it....but its really good. I ate it because I wanted too not because I was hungry but was love hungry and fed that hunger with high calorie cake. I am heading home now and maybe out here tomorrow night and will be online then.
Janniebug
__________________
I appreciate long walks especially when taken by people who annoy me. Noel Coward |
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#14
Dec 08, 2004, 09:27 PM
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Oh jannie, at least have the good taste for carrot with creme cheese frosting or blueberry cheesecake! Geez, the culture here! Ha ha, just kidding love. I really like blackberries and rasberries(candy) as comfort food.
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#15
Dec 08, 2004, 09:32 PM
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WW I do love cream cheese frosting and sometimes eat it out of the can on graham crackers but last night was a cake night in fact tonight might be a cake night too.
Janniebug
__________________
I appreciate long walks especially when taken by people who annoy me. Noel Coward |
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#16
Dec 08, 2004, 09:36 PM
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ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
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#17
Dec 08, 2004, 09:48 PM
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oh ww what a monster for me too: carrot cake with cream cheese frosting (thanks to Disneyworld hooking me on it)
Cakes are much better than the other stuff: ha! I buy cake too!
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#18
Dec 08, 2004, 09:48 PM
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ok, you have your cake, and i'll have my wine and clove ciggies, and we'll all be happy campers.
__________________
~ Moriah Conquering Wind ~ +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ begin transmission 11.30.64 heh.finale (02) -111 11.22.63 jpl 156 435 666/93 abaddon temple annihilation bridge rev10 priestess 98 world-soul choronzon reversal babalon fallen forfeiture 01. unfinished sequence. system compromised. code gray. retrieval and cycling initiated 11.28.08, 74 >> 75 end transmission +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ >> postcards from the abyss << |
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#19
Dec 09, 2004, 08:03 PM
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I didn't stop by Walmart last night to pick up the cake I just went home. I talked to my friend last night and still for some odd reason only known to the monsters I cut again. I'm not sure why as yesterday was a pretty good day. I found out my friend is coming over tomorrow night and we will exchange Christmas presents then...he is going to help me decorate...and I got to see a good Law and Order SVU...so all in all it was a good day but I still cut. My mom saw the gash on my arm today and asked if I was cutting again I lied and said no I slipped and fell in the kitchen and cut it on some glass...I don't think she bought it as she said when my T saw it we'd have to talk about it. He already knows as I spoke to him today and he said I'm to get rid of the razors if I want him to help me. Doesn't he know how hard that is?
__________________
I appreciate long walks especially when taken by people who annoy me. Noel Coward |
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#20
Dec 10, 2004, 09:21 PM
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What you call monsters, I call intrusions. Thoughts that constantly intrude my mind: my peace and quite. I'm sorry you're struggling. Don't give up! Yes, I give in to them sometimes, but don't let them win! You can do this!!!
Jon |
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#21
Dec 11, 2004, 04:32 PM
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Janniebug, try getting rid of the razors....please......I battle the depression monster daily and yesterday was really, really bad.....think there was something in the air.......I was lower than I've been in months. And I know about "love cakes"......mine is the coconut Pepperidge Farms one......or if I really am upset, I make something that is wildly caloric and rich.....I want you to know that we're all here for you......love, pat
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#22
Dec 12, 2004, 04:59 PM
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I got rid of the razors on Friday when I was cleaning. I had talked to my T and asked him if he knew how hard it was for me to get rid of them and he said yes but I wasn't to think about it too much just do it. So when I was cleaning off the coffee table I just picked them up and threw them away. Then I took that bag of garbage and stuck it out the front door where the garbage fairy took it down to the dumpster for me. I'm not about to go through the dumpster looking for them so that's a good thing.
I hope you all have a good weekend. Janniebug
__________________
I appreciate long walks especially when taken by people who annoy me. Noel Coward |
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