Yesterday

I think I am actually losing my mind this time. If it falls out will someone pick it up dust it off and hand it back please? Wednesday night I had to call my dad about a receipt I needed to return something to walmart and I asked him so how are you and he said not good. I'm thinking uh oh what did I do now well it turns out my landlord called him telling him if I didn't clean my apartment I was going to get kicked out. Why Lew doesn't think he can come tell me this himself is beyond me but anyway...I tell dad ok I'm working on it now and will have it done tomorrow. He says see that it is and we hung up. Well I started to cry and get overwhelmed and did a bunch of black and white thinking and cut. Dad called me yesterday morning on the way to work to say that he's coming over after work to inspect. I say ok and start to work my butt off. I am proud of myself for what I had gotten done and was relaxing on the couch as I had hurt my back doing all this cleaning and could barely move. Well he comes in his eyes bug out and he says you call this clean? He stomped around my apartment and declared that it was awful and that if I had worked my butt off he'd wouldn't have wanted to see it to begin with. He told me I needed to clean off my counters and put all my appliances in the cupboard...ummm my cupboard space is very limited and they are to tall as I have tried that. He also lit into me telling me I shouldn't have open food out and the only food that was out was what was in my crockpot cooking for dinner and when I pointed that out to him he told me not to get smart. So the program now is my parents come in once a week to inspect and if its not up their standards then first my internet privileges get taken away, then my cable and then my phone. I was also told I needed to get down on my hands and knees and scrub my floor in the kitchen and when I told him even if I did that for a week it still wouldn't look clean because it sure didn't when I moved in he told me I was being a smart mouth and to shut up. I laid there and cried somemore he left slamming the door and all night long I cried. My friend Susan came over and I told her that I was sorry that the place wasn't much cleaner than it was and she said she thought it was clean and not to let what my dad said hurt me. With everything that is going on my dad is the straw that broke the camels back. I don't want to go on anymore I want to lay down and die. I was pissed when I woke up this morning and have called my T and all he says is you think what you give time too so if I give time to my suicidal thoughts of course I'm going to have them. There are no hospital beds in Arkansas for me so I am stuck doing this on my own. IT SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Janniebug

Janniebug, take a deep breathe and exhale
1. Who pays your rent, tell your landlord to please inform you if he's not happy with the apt.
2. Do you pay for your internet, cable and phone is it in your name, he can't do a thing.
3.Tell him to let you live your own life
{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}
Angie

Jannie - Do you have a case worker? Sometimes they come in handy in situations like this. If your T is through a county agency or something like that, you might ask him about that. A case worker can sometimes help run interferance with landlord issues. They can also help you set up a schedule for cleaning, like what oughta be done daily, weekly, etc. so there isn't a big rush to clean before your dad comes over. That way it will get to be a habit for you, rather than a big stressor. Anyhoooo....maybe think about a case worker. They can come in handy. emmy

i just want to start by saying that my dad is very critical of me, and when i lived with him, nothing was ever clean enough, i was never pretty enough, my straight A's and 1 B was not good enough, etc...
he meant well i'm sure. he was trying to push me harder. i was a constant dissapointment to him because he believed i was able to do much more than i was doing. (its just a compliment in disguise)

do your parents join you in therapy, like a family therapy session? since they are so involved, why not work it out with them in therapy?
it does sound like they're trying to be really helpful in their own way. the goal is a clean house and theyre trying to threaten taking away privledges in order to make you want to get it clean.
it does seem that they are missing the point though. maybe they arent helping in the way you want them to...
since i dont know your whole situation, my only advice (if you want it) is to talk to them. maybe let them know that you need help with the house cleaning.
anyway, if your parents are paying your rent (i assume this cuz the landlord called your dad) then that is a great sign they want to help you.
maybe your therapist can help you figure out a way to confront them without making them feel unappreciated....

The funny thing is I pay my rent. For a while my parents were paying my rent but now that I get disability I pay my own rent and starting in March will get HUD. I know then I will have to keep it clean or risk losing my HUD. I also pay for my own cable and my own phone. The internet usage is through their computer as I don't have one but hopefully soon will be getting one as I hope to go back to college in the fall and will need one then. Thanks for all your advice. I plan on continuing to plug away and tomorrow my mom is supposed to come over and help me scrub my kitchen floor and spray some cleaner down on the bad spots in my carpet. Today so far isn't to bad but we shall see. I am planning on going home soon so I can fold and put away my clothes I washed today and relax.

Janniebug

You go girl
Angie

Best wishes with this, Janniebug.

My mom has been very critical all my life. Last year, when I was so critically depressed, my T helped me to establish some boundaries. She has really put a half on it. She is 80 now and I am old enough not to have to tell.

Sounds like your dad is crotchety and your mom really wants to help.

Hope things get better.