[SeptemberMorn]

I'm posting this hoping that I can get other's perspectives since I'm trying to work through this with my oldest son. [See When it Rains in Depression] I've never understood anyone that holds to their own warped sense of the truth when another person's perspective has been made abundantly clear and should clear up any misunderstanding.

You do not have to agree in order to understand. But you do have to listen with an open mind.

You do not have to give up or give in to another in order to understand. But you do have to give your attention and consideration.

You do not have to change your own position in order to understand the position of another. But you do have to accept that there are valid perspectives besides your own.

Seeing the world only from your own point of view puts you at a distinct disadvantage. The more open you are to understanding others, the more effective your every action will be.

Realize what a true blessing it is that there are those who see things differently than you do. By offering your understanding you gain the benefit of an expanded perspective.

You've no doubt experienced how good it can be when there's someone who listens and truly understands. What's even better is to be that someone.

-- Ralph Marston

[silver_queen]

All those points made sense, Sept. Glad you posted them.

[shakes]

Sis Tomi,
Thanks!!

Jessica

[SeptemberMorn]

Thanks for your responses. What I'd like to know is if anyone feels that they've got a handle on this, do you try to share your own perspective with someone you've had a misunderstanding with (using "I" statements, preferrably) and has it worked for you. If it didn't help, what did you do?

[wisewoman]

Sept, I would try just that. I understand that you are saying... and you believe... and I hear that. I would like to sharew how I feel or think about this with you. I respect that we are seeing this differently . I would like us to understand eachother. My son backs off and gets it, that we see things differently but there is an abundance of love.

[h0kie]

Another really good thing to say is, "I hear you saying.... Am I right?"

[SeptemberMorn]

My son won't back and an absolutely WON'T get it. It's like he's too attached to his anger to try and understand. If he tried to understand, then there wouldn't be any reason to get angry.

[SeptemberMorn]

I have no trouble understanding him because I listen and I DO understand. If I had been expecting him and he didn't show, I would have called him and asked if there was a problem or something. The problem is the other way around. He chose to get angry when I didn't show up and when I told him I didn't get an invitation, he didn't believe me. Like I'm going to lie about something like that instead of going and enjoying my grandkids??

[SpazKatt]

I very much agree!