[filifera]

Someone I work with has decided they need to make sure I (and everyone else) know he/she thinks I have a mental illness. That person logged onto a web site using my name, and ordered a bunch of mental illness and substance abuse brochures, and sent them to my office address, where the envelope and its return address were sure to be noticed.

The irony is that (duh) I already know I have mental health issues (major depression) and have been receiving treatment for this for more than 25 years. My employer also knows, because I had to request "reasonable accommodation" to rearrange my work conditions to be less stressful, because the job stress was really taking its toll on me. Yes, I'm now seeing a therapist, and yes I'm working with my MD on medications, and I am somewhat better than I was a few months ago, with the exception of this latest incident.

I really like the job and the employer, but some of my co-workers are really going out of their way to be nasty. My prospects for finding another job in this location doing the same kind of work at a comparable salary are close to zero, so I've decided to stick with it as long as I seem to have the backing of my managers.

They are of course appalled by the harrassment, but without proof that it happened on company premises, there isn't much chance of identifying and dealing with the jerk who did this. I guess if I really wanted to screw things up for everyone, I could lawyer up and cost them a bunch of money, but I don't have the energy for that, and it would probably have a bad effect on people I care about who work there also.

I'm not interested in revenge, either legal or personal. We already have enough trouble with stigma and stereotypes about people who nut up and blow away their co-workers. I sure could use some suggestions on how to deal with some of the absolute jerks I work with.

[pegasus]

Harassment and bullying are unacceptable and you haven't done anything wrong so please share this with your Manager.

[filifera]

Originally Posted by pegasus

Harrassment and bullying are unacceptable and you haven't done anything wrong so please share this with your Manager.

Thanks. I've already informed them, and they are investigating.

It's awkward knowing that the top management is aware of my disability and are being very supportive, but the people I work with day to day aren't supposed to know about it, for obvious confidentiality reasons.

I'm in a bind -- if I let on that I'm being "accommodated" I imagine the harrassment will only escalate. The department I work in has been running without "adult supervision" for a long time because of high turnover for that particular manager position, so the dysfunctional behavior is pretty entrenched.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What are the risks vs benefits of disclosing mental illness to co-workers? Does it stop the harrassment, or does the bullying only get worse?

[AAAAA]

Just out of curiosity how do you know who did this? I don't think hiring a lawyer at this point in time is the best choice of action. If the person in question did this on their own time and with their own computer there isn't anything that the company could have done to avoid it. Their only option is to hold a meeting to let everyone know that harrassment of any type will not be tolerated.

[filifera]

Originally Posted by AAAAA

Just out of curiosity how do you know who did this? I don't think hiring a lawyer at this point in time is the best choice of action. If the person in question did this on their own time and with their own computer there isn't anything that the company could have done to avoid it. Their only option is to hold a meeting to let everyone know that harrassment of any type will not be tolerated.

I don't know specifically who did it, so I haven't made any specific accusations. It could be one of a half dozen or so people. I know it was a co-worker, because the stuff was sent to my work address (where others would be sure to see it) rather than to my home. Only the few people I socialize with from work know where I live, and none of my friends or family outside of work know my office address. I have no reason to think any of my friends would have done this -- they already know I'm a little strange.

I haven't told anyone I work with, apart from the HR department & senior managers, about the incident. They've got lawyers and consultants to tell them how to handle things, and they've backed me up pretty well so far. I guess I'll wait and see.

[lizardlady]

DANGNABBIT!!!!! I just spent all kind of time typing out a lengthy reply to your problem. This stupid computer hiccuped and the whole thing vanished.

Let's see if I can remember what I said.

Started off advising you not to disclose your diagnosis to co-workers. If one of them is harassing you now it will only add fuel to what they are doing.

Go to management and register a complaint. It sounds like you have already done that. Document, document, document anything that happens to you. Keep print copies of e-mails. Keep a log of what happens and who was involved.

You asked if anyone else ever had something similar happen. I gave a detailed report of a situation I endured at work a year ago. I'm not going to reproduce the whole thing again. Bottom line was that three co-workers took a dislike to me and did their level best to make my life miserable. No, they did not disclose my diagnosis to anyone. They had no idea I have amental health diagnosis. They did petty, nasty, catty things to me. It was junior high school all over again. Anyway.... our program VP was filling in as our program manager at the time. I went to him and told him what was going on. Initially I just told him what was happening, gave him specific examples, and told him the harassment should stop. After one of them shouted at me in the office I told him if it happened again I would file a grievance with HR. After a particularly rude and nasty incident he spoke to one of the people involved and told her the behavior was unacceptable. In the long run I outlasted all of them. They've gone on to other jobs or unemployment. Me? I got a promotion last summer!

Stick to your guns in defending yourself. You do not have to disclose a disability to co-workers. It's usually advisable not to disclose mental health related problems to co-workers because of the kind of stuff you are going through right now. Under the ADA the only time you have to disclose a disability at work is if you are requesting accommodations. At the same time an employer is responsible for providing ALL employees with a bully-free, harassment-free workplace.

[AAAAA]

Lizardlady is exactly right. Document everything, who said what, date, time, who was present. If they are foolish enough to send anything in writing or voice mail, report that immediately to HR.

[Junerain]

Yes there are policies in place to prevent one's workplace from knowing one's mental state, yet when one applies at nursing school, a list of medications accompanied by explanation is asked for. I have also found this on nannying applications. Is it just me? No, I have spoken with others on this site about problems with applying for medical jobs and or positions and being asked for complete medical records. In fact just today I went to see my GP who filled out my nursing form. My GP stated the amount of information the local hospital ( where I will be applying at to WORK in..) has on my condition is a very large amount.

[Visioneer]

I've been through workplace harassment and I know how much it sucks, so you're definitely not alone. It's disappointing that your company is not taking stronger measures to defend you, as no one should be made to feel so uncomfortable or afraid at work. In my case, management didn't seem to take it seriously, and I had to be vigilant in not looking like part of the problem. The jerk eventually switched out of my department, and no one misses him. Our company has since adopted a much harsher policy regarding harassment in the workplace... a few months too late.

My suggestion would be to go directly to human resources as opposed to your direct supervisor, if you haven't already, and start a report that will be ongoing (as long as this crappy treatment continues) so that they have evidence of who said or did what and when. You are more likely to be taken seriously if they have lots of details in evidence. It's unfortunate that you have no proof of exactly who used your name on that website, as it would certainly make things easier.

Also, are you sure it wasn't someone's *really* misguided and poorly-thought-out way of "helping" you? Just saying, maybe you work with some really dense yet caring people, I don't know.

Also, definitely don't disclose your diagnoses to co-workers at this point, as a few people have already said. You must appear totally competent and give no reason for anyone to talk behind your back. From the sounds of it, these people are hoping for drama - don't let them get what they want.

What I would do.....

Be honest and open about your problems, whilst any problem is kept quiet or a secret it is far more exciting for the office gossips, when issues and problems are open ones they invoke only sympathy those who are sympathetic towards you will fight the battle for you.

And the perpetrator of this will have no mud to throw, if anything you may well find that your working relationship with your colleges improves.

If you had had a leg missing how many people would of dared to send around a leaflet regarding paraplegics ......

[deliquesce]

no no no! do NOT disclose. if anyone is insensitive enough to be sending you pamphlets with the intent of providing office gossip, then confirmation of your mental health concerns will only add fuel to the fire.

i think you are doing the best that you can. i agree in not taking it up with lawyers. maybe one thing that can be done is to have a harrassment workshop in your office? something that HR implements, reminding everyone of what is/isn't acceptable behaviour, and that these things have harsh penalties or something.

The reason I suggested confirming the mental issues was because from your post they already have an idea that it is going on so no doubt are gossiping about it already,

Only thing is they are making it up as they really don’t have the facts. I am in no way suggesting that you hold a meeting in the workplace announcing it to everyone, however if you could speak with a college who you are a little closer too regarding the problem, the hope is that this would then circulate in the gossip breaks and let them know the truth, also it will hopefully stop the gossip as there would no longer be anything to gossip about.

The saying here is " Today’s news is tomorrows chip paper"

[AAAAA]

I think an arguement can be made for bringing everything out into the open if filifera is comfortable with it. If his/her co-workers are aware of an issue they cannot make any comments about it at all. Right now should someone say anything they can say "I didn't know that was the case, I feel awful, I was just being stupid." If the facts are known, no one can claim ignorance. And unless these are total jackasses it may inspire some compassion and understanding.

In the case of a co-worker of mine, once we knew he had anxiety issues we viewed his constant absenteeism differently and no longer resented his ability to miss 90% of the summer and get away with it. Since I was going through the same issues silently I cut him a lot more slack than when I thought he was just going out and getting drunk every Thursday (payday) and missing every Friday.

Allowances were being made for him and I have to say that before we knew the whole situation, we were quite resentful of the special treatment he was getting.

[splitimage]

I've always been extremely open at work about my mental health / addiction issues, and I've never had any problems. My colleagues all know I go to treatment one afternoon a week and have to come in late one morning a month so I can see a psych. Of course it helps to have supportive management, which I've had.

But I think having coworkers know can have some benefit as they don't wonder why I'm getting flex time and we have pretty strict workplace harrassment laws up here so nobody would dare give me any grief.

--splitimage

[AAAAA]

That's exactly what I'm saying split, that legally once they know they can't say a word even if they wanted to. Once they are put on notice they continue this jr high behavior at their own peril.

As I mentioned in my example, our co-worker was missing nearly every Friday. Friday's were critical nights we had to run short staffed if someone called in. It created a lot of extra work for the rest of us. Normally if you missed work any Friday you'd better have a doctor's excuse or the discipline proceedures would be started.

One Friday night I had a nasty case of the flu, I was throwing up in the garbage can and trying to stay as long as I could. My boss told me to hang on until 7, someone would be able to relieve me at 7. At 4 this other employee came over and said "have a nice weekend I'm not feeling very well. I've been watching you and that garbage can and I want to get home before I get that bad. He got to leave! I was FIT TO BE TIED! I rarely called in, I worked a lot of overtime (which he got out of) that day I was forced to come in at 10 that morning, I'd never missed a Friday, I had more senority than he did, I had never asked to leave early before... there were a million reasons legitimate differences that I should have been able to leave before he. I was so angry I just told my boss that I was sick and punched out and left.

It was this situation that caused my co-worker to confide in me. He came over Monday evening and said he was sorry, he didn't mean for it to sound like he was rubbing it in. He was going through a medication adjustment and was having trouble staying awake (which woul have been very dangerous in our line of work). I never told anyone what he said. But from then on I was much more sypathetic. I went out of my way to make sure that he wasn't stressed. Another informed co-worker and I went out of our way to cover his butt.

We're all human and when we see someone else getting what we view as special treatment it annoys us.

[Irine]

Originally Posted by filifera

Someone I work with has decided they need to make sure I (and everyone else) know he/she thinks I have a mental illness. That person logged onto a web site using my name, and ordered a bunch of mental illness and substance abuse brochures, and sent them to my office address, where the envelope and its return address were sure to be noticed.

The irony is that (duh) I already know I have mental health issues (major depression) and have been receiving treatment for this for more than 25 years. My employer also knows, because I had to request "reasonable accommodation" to rearrange my work conditions to be less stressful, because the job stress was really taking its toll on me. Yes, I'm now seeing a therapist, and yes I'm working with my MD on medications, and I am somewhat better than I was a few months ago, with the exception of this latest incident.

I really like the job and the employer, but some of my co-workers are really going out of their way to be nasty. My prospects for finding another job in this location doing the same kind of work at a comparable salary are close to zero, so I've decided to stick with it as long as I seem to have the backing of my managers.

They are of course appalled by the harrassment, but without proof that it happened on company premises, there isn't much chance of identifying and dealing with the jerk who did this. I guess if I really wanted to screw things up for everyone, I could lawyer up and cost them a bunch of money, but I don't have the energy for that, and it would probably have a bad effect on people I care about who work there also.

I'm not interested in revenge, either legal or personal. We already have enough trouble with stigma and stereotypes about people who nut up and blow away their co-workers. I sure could use some suggestions on how to deal with some of the absolute jerks I work with.

wow. now THATS a jerk!
I know right now you may feel kinda like undcomfortable. But you know with time we do ease up and forget....

Anyways if your manager knows so it can`t do to you REAL damage to your career. I think.

Lets believe that.

im sorry you work with such craps. It just reminds me that its good i keep my stuff to myself.

maybe its better this way? i mean- just for the next time....there are always a bunch of stupid people,,,everywhere.

[lizardlady]

Originally Posted by Junerain

Yes there are policies in place to prevent one's workplace from knowing one's mental state, yet when one applies at nursing school, a list of medications accompanied by explanation is asked for. I have also found this on nannying applications. Is it just me? No, I have spoken with others on this site about problems with applying for medical jobs and or positions and being asked for complete medical records. In fact just today I went to see my GP who filled out my nursing form. My GP stated the amount of information the local hospital ( where I will be applying at to WORK in..) has on my condition is a very large amount.

Junerain, employers can ask about any medications you are on HOWEVER the information is supposed to remain confidential within the HR department.

[StrawberryFieldsss]

OP, until they finish their investigating I would just go on and do my work as usual without telling anyone about your illness. Disclosing could possibly decrease the harassment, but it could also escalate it. Its a really tough judgment call not knowing what your coworkers are like.

Most people have problems in one way or another, and usually people will talk about it behind their back. I used to work somewhere where a woman would go and turn peoples radios off and do other things that people found annoying. She hated certain kinds of music. I'm sure she struggled with something (her son was also Bipolar, which she disclosed to me). She was so badly harassed at a certain point that she eventually just quit and moved out of the state.

The bottom line is that unless you absolutely HAVE to disclose such a thing, whether or not it is a protected class, it's usually a better idea not to. There is a rule of thumb that says don't tell people anything that you would not mind having posted on a billboard, because it WILL get out.

If the pamphlet sending was harassment, someone leaked the information more likely than not. Someone being in management does not necessarily mean that they are mature and responsible people.

If you have no plans to take action legally, I would go to work and concentrate on my job, stay busy, and go home. If someone was juvenile enough to do such a thing to you, then they will probably get some sort of bizarre satisfaction in knowing that it bothered you.

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by filifera

Someone I work with has decided they need to make sure I (and everyone else) know he/she thinks I have a mental illness. That person logged onto a web site using my name, and ordered a bunch of mental illness and substance abuse brochures, and sent them to my office address, where the envelope and its return address were sure to be noticed.

The irony is that (duh) I already know I have mental health issues (major depression) and have been receiving treatment for this for more than 25 years. My employer also knows, because I had to request "reasonable accommodation" to rearrange my work conditions to be less stressful, because the job stress was really taking its toll on me. Yes, I'm now seeing a therapist, and yes I'm working with my MD on medications, and I am somewhat better than I was a few months ago, with the exception of this latest incident.

I really like the job and the employer, but some of my co-workers are really going out of their way to be nasty. My prospects for finding another job in this location doing the same kind of work at a comparable salary are close to zero, so I've decided to stick with it as long as I seem to have the backing of my managers.

They are of course appalled by the harrassment, but without proof that it happened on company premises, there isn't much chance of identifying and dealing with the jerk who did this. I guess if I really wanted to screw things up for everyone, I could lawyer up and cost them a bunch of money, but I don't have the energy for that, and it would probably have a bad effect on people I care about who work there also.

I'm not interested in revenge, either legal or personal. We already have enough trouble with stigma and stereotypes about people who nut up and blow away their co-workers. I sure could use some suggestions on how to deal with some of the absolute jerks I work with.

How could you really like the job if more than one person is harassing you?
Never disclose personal health to employers. By law, they can't ask what the "disabling condition" is, only what they need to accommodate. Go to the Department of Labor website and research this yourself.

You need to take a firm, bold stand now or it will only continue. I worked in very difficult environments for many years so I know what I'm talking about. Take your boss aside, be direct, firm, and straight with them about what EXACTLY the harassing behavior is and from WHOM. Tell her that you are going to file a complaint with the EEOC if this isn't taken care of.

Being nice back to them doesn't cut it. Liking a few people there doesn't excuse the bullies behavior. You need to fight it head on. They pick on you because they think you are weak. It will only snowball.

Please do this for your health.

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by lizardlady

Junerain, employers can ask about any medications you are on HOWEVER the information is supposed to remain confidential within the HR department.

I beg to differ.
It is ILLEGAL for employers to ask this information, unless they ask it of EVERYONE as a job requirement (i.e. pilots).

[Agape4us]

Isn't it amazing the lengths some people go to...You know you are not alone with a chemical imbalance at the office. Hold your head high, keep your position, and be sure that maybe someone will be helped by the brochures.

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by filifera

Thanks. I've already informed them, and they are investigating.

It's awkward knowing that the top management is aware of my disability and are being very supportive, but the people I work with day to day aren't supposed to know about it, for obvious confidentiality reasons.

I'm in a bind -- if I let on that I'm being "accommodated" I imagine the harrassment will only escalate. The department I work in has been running without "adult supervision" for a long time because of high turnover for that particular manager position, so the dysfunctional behavior is pretty entrenched.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What are the risks vs benefits of disclosing mental illness to co-workers? Does it stop the harrassment, or does the bullying only get worse?

There are no benefits to disclosing personal health information of any kind, the least of all "mental illness".

[filifera]

To clarify, I like my work and did it well and got along well with the people in my group, but as a result of reorganization I was transferred last spring into a different group, which has some long term dysfunctional cultural problems as a result of poor or no "adult supervision" for several years.

It's like the difference between having 20 years experience and 1 year's experience repeated 20 times -- what little leadership they do have is clueless: they have "processes" which they thought up entirely on their own for micromanaging projects, without ever considering that there is already much expertise out there in the business world that could have helped them run things smoothly, with better quality, on time delivery, and within budget.

That frustration with inefficient and useless "process" and micromanagement literally made me crazy (severe depression, self injury, anxiety) and caused me to request ADA accommodations to work from home to insulate myself from the dysfunction in the office.

Here is the group I work with now:

There's a manager (in name only, apparently) who is just the latest in a long list of short-lived overseers of that department. Managing the people in his group on a day to day basis is apparently beneath him as he has much grander ideas. Under him are the following characters:

There's one guy who's been trying to get rid of me for years who is at least as crazy as I am (he has obvious paranoia with visual hallucinations he readily admits to, that he attributes to psychic phenomena).

There's a 50 something drama queen supposedly "running" the department who is fabulous at throwing lavish parties but not much else. She has no actual supervisory skills or training other than having been a mom and has never actually had people with professional qualifications working under her, just temps, general clerical workers and interns, so she treats everyone as if they're naughty children.

There's a 20 something putita with a sense of entitlement caused by a mail-order degree who thinks her degree exempts her from learning any skills she doesn't already have, who spends most of her time flirting with the guys with the occasional break to berate me (I have more years of experience in this line of work than she even has being alive).

And another 20 something bubbly airhead who doesn't actually have any annoying personality qualities, just an inability to figure out that project commitments she makes to outsiders on behalf of the entire department just might cost the company tons of money that wasn't in the budget and throw all her co-workers' other projects into chaos. Result: five figures of unbudgeted expenditures to meet this commitment, and another full time professional level salary, while other departments are continually short staffed.

And I'm the devil for pointing out the cultural problems and disorganization, and suggesting industry-proven methods and processes to improve our product delivery without increasing costs. It could be any of these nitwits who used my identity for this ridiculous and abusive prank.

Yes, I'm actively hunting for another job. It's going to be a long search because the area I live in doesn't have a lot of other employers for people skilled in the kind of work I do, and the nearest place that does is a 100+ mile commute each way. I either spend four hours commuting every day and wear out a new car every 3 years, or I spend five days a week camping in a hotel room or apartment, away from my DH and the rest of the things that are enjoyable for me. And much higher expenses, for a salary no better than I'm earning out here in the sticks. The company has to be very generous just to get people to consider living here, and they still have trouble recruiting skilled workers -- the labor pool here is overwhelmingly non-skilled and poorly educated.

I could change careers completely but would have to start again at a much reduced salary, which will cause difficulty for DH and me as our investments and retirement savings have been severely devalued because of the current economic fiasco, and owing to our current debt load we would have to put too many of our future plans on hold if we took a serious financial hit.

[AAAAA]

It sounds very much like you are beating your head against a wall. I know how very difficult it is to just do your job to the best of your ability and leave it at work, but it sounds like that is your only option if you are to remain there and remain sane. Unless you are directly accountable for their actions (and it does not sound as if you are) leave them to their own devices.

In an ideal world people would listen when there is a better way of doing things, but in reality most people hate even the smallest change. Even common sense things, like getting all of your supplies at the beginning of the day, some people insist upon going to the supply room a dozen times a day because "this is how I've always done it".

The only person that you can change there is yourself and how you react to these things. The company must give you a safe working environment but if you're the one going in telling them how x, y, and z could do their job better you're the one they're going to get irritated with. It doesn't matter that you're right. In my opinion the only way to survive there is do your job and let their supervisors worry about their job performance. If their behavior is making you unable to complete your job, ask your supervisor how he/she would like you to proceed in that instance. Approach your supervisor in a calm manner and say "I am not able to complete my project because I have not been able to get that report from Bubble head, what would you like me t do?" Avoid using the words "always, never, again". If they are harrassing you at work, complain immediately to HR.

As for lawyering up, at this point in time I don't think you have a case. Right now it sounds like the only thing the company is guilty of is hiring jerks. You can't even prove that it was someone that works with you, let alone that it happened on company time or property, with company resources, or that the company could have in any way prevented the problem. To have a case you must have a specific complaint about a specific person(s) that they failed to deal with.

[filifera]

Originally Posted by AAAAA

It sounds very much like you are beating your head against a wall. I know how very difficult it is to just do your job to the best of your ability and leave it at work, but it sounds like that is your only option if you are to remain there and remain sane. Unless you are directly accountable for their actions (and it does not sound as if you are) leave them to their own devices.

The only person that you can change there is yourself and how you react to these things. The company must give you a safe working environment but if you're the one going in telling them how x, y, and z could do their job better you're the one they're going to get irritated with. It doesn't matter that you're right. In my opinion the only way to survive there is do your job and let their supervisors worry about their job performance.

You are so right. Thanks. I get emotionally wound up in wanting the company to succeed and survive, because I've felt, and been told, that the things I do really can make a difference. I don't want to be part of yet another failed business (my own, and as an employee in a couple of others that fell apart in the dot-bomb and aftermath), so I guess I am investing too much of myself in wanting this one to succeed.

I appreciate your insights -- it's amazing how easy it is to see the big concepts (change the way you react to circumstances beyond your control), yet miss the details (the x, y and z). You've helped me more than you know.