[TryingBelieve]

One of the things I have always liked about myself is I am very empathatic. It is easy for me to put myself in the other person's shoes. Another thing I have always liked about me is small things make me happy and grateful. A pretty day. A good laugh with a friend.

The other side of that coin is that I can put myself so much in someone elses place that it depresses me. There was a show on PBS recently about a white gorilla called SnowFlake. SnowFlake's mom was murdered by poachers. He was just a baby. The only reason they didn't kill SnowFlake was because he was all white - he is an albino. So they show SnowFlake as a baby and for about 2 or 3 months he lives with this human family. And then they put him all alone in the zoo. In a bland concrete box. He was just a baby and no one was there to hold him or hug him or tickle him. I just cried.

So how do I keep the good part of that coin and not let the bad get me down?

[inkblot]

Good question. I wish I had a good answer. Especially with that story--I feel sad about it, too.

[sabby]

That is a hard thing for lots of people to do. I guess we have to draw a line so to speak and realize that we can't change everything that makes us sad. Realizing there are things in our lives we can control...working on them...keeps us grounded. Then we can be empathetic but understand that bad things happen to good people/animals that shouldn't. We have to stop feeling guilty about that which we have no control over. I guess in other words....we have to put these things into perspective. Don't know if that helps at all...its just my rantings....Hugssssssssssssssss

[gracetoo71]

i understand where you are coming from. i get very angry when i see and hear things that are unjust. i get very sad and depressed when i see things such as what you are describing. i cried myself to sleep the last time i went to the zoo. sometimes i get so upset my heart starts pounding, my hands start shaking and i am in a full blown anxiety attack over something i have no control over and cannot change. i cant stop my feelings any more than i can stop the unjust that got me worked up.

wish i had the answer on how to just let it go. it would help me so much.

[vacantangel]

Empathy is one thing that I'm good at too. I can very easily put myself in the other person's shoes and see the situation from their side but also like you, if I'm not careful (which I never am), I can do it so much to take on someone else's pain and feel it with them. I've done this for years. I just feel so badly when somebody is hurting. It hurts me too. I wish I could take their pain away so that they wouldn't have to deal with it and instead I'll deal with it for them. But what actually happens, is it is impossible to make somebody better so we both deal with the pain. My therapist has noticed this about me and she wants me to start putting myself first, a very new and foreign concept for me. I've yet to be successful. I can't stop thinking about what the other person is going through and wishing I could fix them and take on their pain for them so they wouldn't have to. It just about kills me to know/see somebody else in pain regardless if it is physical or emotional.

[mortimer]

Empathy isn't something to dislike about you. It makes you a good person who is capable of helping many people! How you use it and react to it yourself is the most important thing though. There is bad things, but to help make up for the bad things we're going to see every day lets put something good in, especially if it wasn't our bad and wasn't our fault! Volunteer, help out, donate, get out and do something. You can't fix everything, but there's always something to take a wack at. ^_^ *hug* I know what you're saying, I hope you can get feeling better.