Finger pointing and sniping....out of control

In the past few weeks or so, it seems that there has been a lot of finger pointing, name calling, sniping, and just plain making people feel like crap going on. Maybe its cabin fever, maybe people aren't in the right frame of mind (present company included) when posting or chatting, or maybe people are just taking things too personally. I don't know, but something has to give here.

I come here to seek solace in my peers, to escape from the Hell of my life, and try to get my emotions off of my chest with friends in like situations; I thought that's what this forum was for. I think a lot of us have lost sight of Doc John's vision, and we all might need to take a step back and think before we start sucking on our toes (like I said, present company included).

We ALL have to find a way to get things off our minds, but lashing out at each other isn't the way. We are all good people, we just have to find ways to help each other without being so "grade school". I just have been feeling like it's been coming into a war zone lately, and I thought this was supposed to be a place of refuge.

If I offended ANYONE by this, please, send me a private message, don't post it; it only makes matters worse. That way, we can work it out and not offend other members of the forum.

I agree with you. But we have to keep sight of the fact that we all come here to

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get my emotions off of my chest with friends in like situations;

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You're not alone. Many of us feel the same way. So, if we don't want to be part of the problem, then let's be part of the solution, ok?

Dolfin I agree. As you know, I have had my differences with a few people here, but I only confront when I believe I am right. I for one don't mind agreeing to disagree with anyone I've had it out with and dropping any issues. The fact is that sometimes people comne here for the exact reasons you do, but sometimes, depending on what's going on in a person's life, a statement or post can be taken way out of context (I'm guilty). The thing we have to remember is that when someone is like that, we have a wonderful thing called an ignore button and disputed are sometimes easily settled in a PM after the moment has passed. This is just my 2 cents. Take it for what it's worth.

Ryan

Shouldn't this stuff ALL have stayed in Pms???

I came here for the same reasons as you did. I've sent you a PM to make further comments.

Now that this is in the open, I came here to share personal frustrations I can't otherwise do. I got quite a bit of advice and I did agree it was valid (to a point). Everyone is different and what applies to many may not do so to all. All I ever wanted was to make others understand the reasons I feel as I do on how my looks get in the way of having the things which many probably take for granted. I made such a serious effort to think differently over these past couple of weeks and take the advice I was given, putting it into practice. No sooner was I thinking differently and more positive when I had water splashed in my face by something which happened in my life. I can think all the positive thoughts I want but the sad reminders of what I feared all along will never stop following me.

But you have to pick yourself up and keep trying. There's always going to be something in life that squashes you, look at me now. But we somehow have to find something within ourselves to not give up totally. Sure we get hurt but please don't let it stop you from continuing on. Find a way to let that episode go and then use that same advice you were given with love from before, put it back into practice and try again. Gosh, my whole life is like that. But even though I'm often down, so very often down, I will eventually find my way out of that and pick myself up, try to learn from the experience, maybe even gain something from it if possible and move forward with the determination that life can be better than it is now. God, I can't have my life always be like it is today. If it was, then I might just as well give up right here and now and end it if this is how my life is always going to be. C'mon guy, if I can find some little bit of courage within myself to try and do something, then you can to. What have you got to lose? If you choose to not do anything different than you are now, then you're choosing to be satisified with your current life. As for myself, I'm not happy with my life as it is and I refuse to give up no matter how much life slaps me in the face and believe me I've received a lot of slaps along the way. But I'm going to be the one who wins in the end and prove that those other people missed out on a person that would've been nice to have as a friend. They'll be the losers, not me, I'm not this bad person that they paint me out to be, I'm NOT. They only see me through their own distorted vision. My vision is for a better life. How about you? Who's gonna win, you or them? I choose to be the winner in spite of those who've tried to squash me. I won't let them win over me. I will prove them wrong even if they are no longer around to see it. That's called determination and I have it, even though right now I'm down, I'm still taking active steps in the right direction. You can too, you just have to want it bad enough and if you say it can't happen, then you've already made up your mind that you're not willing to make it happen, because anything is possible. ANYTHING!!! It's all a choice. You have to make that choice.

Be like that little engine that said "I think I can, I think I can" and it will happen
Reah

Hold on to your words, AG!! WOW! I'm impressed! You go, girl!!

Don't remember the times life has slapped you in the face. Instead, focus on all the time it DIDN'T!

AG, you say keep trying?....
That means I keep never leraning my lesson. As I said, my attitude was moving in the right direction until what recently happened with a good friend I've known online only for the past four years. This has to do with basic friendship. I've gotten to know her through her own forum and now the one we're both part of now. She made the offer to meet for lunch or dinner and I thought it was great I'd finally meet her. I decided to take a chance and send her my photo in which she replied with compliments. It was soon after that when she suddenly started ignoring me in this forum we both post in. It deals with current events but we also talk about off topic personal things now and then as well. She's always responded to my posts in the past and she's still her usual friendly self with all the other members. This is too blatant how she's no longer responding and someone with an IQ of 50 could put 2 and 2 together and see what's going on. Thing is, she is one of the sweetest people I've met and I thought by now something like this wouldn't happen with her. It's quite obvious knowing what I look like has now changed the positive opinion I knew she had of me. Now I'm afraid she has no intentions of meeting me. Something is going on and this pattern of rejection of friendship for this reason just never fails. I have other women friends in regular life who I know like me but avoid getting together in any situation which means being seen with me in public. It's just too obvious to be anything else and this whole thing hurts like you will never understand.

I may be very depressed right now but don't count me out just yet. I'm a fighter not a loser, even though I've come extremely close to ending it several times. I won't let those who try to destroy me win, depressed or not, I'm gonna win this battle in spite of them all.

AngelGirl, I've seen what a fighter you are and you'll get through it. Just know that the bad feelings don't last and you'll be feeling better again.

You think I don't understand? I understand more than you think I do. And are you going to base your future life on these few women? Maybe you're hanging out with the wrong people. Have you ever thought of that? My heart has been broken. In fact, as recent of about a week ago. It hurt, it hurt like hell and it still hurts. I know heartbreak well. But I refuse to let him or his distortion of what happened and his mean and humiliating words win. I WILL WIN. It's a matter of choice guy. Either be happy with the way your life is now, as you are clearly not, or do something positive and constructive about it, like I am. I've already suggested to you before that therapy can go a long way to change the way you think about things, to change your negative distorted thoughts that are so very real to you right now, to help you understand why things happen the way they do. But I don't see you doing anything positive to change and improve your future. I refuse to stay stagnant in this misery and depression. I want a better life for myself and I'm going to get it. It's a choice guy, it's not a fact, that's only distorted negative thinking that you can change with therapy. Either you want to get better or you don't. The ball is in your court and it's totally up to you on what you're going to do with it. Are you going to let the ball drop and stay where you are or are you going to throw it at your past and do something constructive and positive about your future??? It's a choice, NOT a fact.

Read what you just said to me and apply those same words to yourself. Like Rhea, said, keep repeating 'I think I can, I think I can. But I'm going to change that a bit to 'I know I can, I know can' and 'I will do it, I will do, I will do it'. It's all a choice.

"Feelings are NOT facts. Feelings are neither good nor bad, they just are. You have the choice as how to feel."

Maybe I'm hanging out with the wrong people?....

Trust me, that's not the case. These people are all different but the one thing they all have in common is how they're not insensitive and seem to understand me. I know better than to even want to know the "wrong people". You say it's negative thinking. I say negative things just do happen and we can't deny them. That's what's lead to let down after let down. No one ever told me life is always fair. Maybe we don't always get the things we assume are a given in life.

AngelGirl, you situation can't be compared to mine. The origin of yours is internal. As I've recently even dscovered, positive thinking has no control over the rejection I'm once again getting.

Ummm...

I've come to the conclusion that you are satisfied to accept your life as it is and not even consider that it can be any different. Nobody can help you if you don't try. And there is no rejection here except in your own distorted negative thinking.

Off Topic .....

I guess you're right. I have to stop being me.

That might actually be a start in the right direction. It's called.

THERAPY

SeptemberMorn, I get the message. Nice thing to say to someone who's already down. You win.

That's a choice you are making.

I must agree with SeptemberMorn. While we may not be able to control the feelings we have, we DO however have the ability to decide what we are going to do with these feelings. And there are really only 2 choices. Accept the feelings and live in misery... not my idea of a good life. Or we can chose to seek out the advise of a therapist, councelor, or other qualified doc and learn the skills to move past our problems and take back our lives. I chose the second one. Just my 2 cents. And BTW, the bickering and snipping and lashing out that DolfinGirl was trying to address is happening in this very thread.

ryan

Thanks, Ryan. I was trying to make up for my own two cents worth by posting some Warm Fuzzies but I'm having trouble with it.

Some people just don't get it, I guess.