[vacantangel]

Seems like I'm always here. There's a place reserved for me cuz I'm here so frequently. When I do manage to get out, it only seems that it's for a few short days, if even that long. I'm so tired of all this.

Big ole hugs if you want them. I know what you're experiencing is redefining the meaning of hell. I just don't know how to help other than listen any time you need me to. I'd say "chin up" or "this will pass" but when I feel the way you are feeling now, those things have no meaning. As I said, I'm here if you need me. Much love.

Ryan

[vacantangel]

Thanks for your understanding Ryan. It would help if my @#$& meds would work but I don't think they do. Had an argument with my pdoc about it yesterday. I can't get her to understand. She added Risperdal but what I really need is an increase in ADs and that she refuses to budge on. I'm shopping around for either a 2nd opinion on my meds or a new pdoc who will listen to how I'm feeling and weigh out both ends of the spectrum and realize which one is more dangerous. She fails to put 2 and 2 together. I understand her reasoning for not wanting to give me the increase but the risk of not doing so is far greater. I can't seem to get her to understand that.

Angel, sometimes these docs get in their crazy heads that they know how we're feeling beter than we do. To them, it seems to me, that 2+2=9. I hope you can get this straightened out soon.

Ryan

[vacantangel]

Yes, their math needs some improvement I think. Maybe I can find somebody elsewhere who will listen to me more. I'm assuming that the Risperdal will help with my out of control rapid cycling, to which it was rx for, but the depression is far worse for me. Somebody out there has to listen before it's too late. I'm crying out for help and I'm not getting it.

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((( AG )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

i'm sorry for what you're going thru...again it hurts so much. i just thought of something, tho, when i read your post. i recall you mentioning p'doc so many times. however, are you in t?

i can share that i did the meds thing for 2 1/2 years and switching meds, etc. the entire time...nothing ever working for me...repeat over and over. however, when i began t, i began feeling better. are you seeing a t? i can't remember. if so, do you two discuss the "abyss" and the possible causes or triggers for going there? i do understand that you deal with bp and that i don't, so i know medication is very important. i'm not negating that fact. but, could it not be all physical? it my case, it wasn't. please don't get me wrong. i'm not saying that in your case it isn't all physical, but you just sound so much like i did back then and it made me wonder...

be safe and i hope you feel yourself climbing out soon.

kd

[Isolated_Guy]

AngelGirl, I doubt any doctor will tell you that the meds could be causing more problems than they're supposed to treat. I hope you at least give it some thought.

[kimmydawn]

also, AG, when my brother started on the risperdal, not only did it help with his rapid cycling, it helped MAJORLY with his depression as far as how deep and hopeless he felt. we just talked about that today.

he'd gone down on it (while continuing his AD's), and could tell big time that the agitation and anger was coming back but mostly the "dark cloud" was much more intense as well. so maybe the risperdal might help you in that same way? i hope so.

gl,

[MacD]

..and from the "for what it's worth department"...you have friends who care...and are here for you...put me on the list for sure...even if all i can do is listen..love ya..grace

Angel, I think Kimmy has good advise to give the new med a chance, but I'd also encourage you to follow through in seeing a different pdoc for a second opinion.

Ryan

[kimmydawn]

AG, you around?

She was just a little while ago kimmy.

Ryan

[kimmydawn]

thx, ryan i wanted to bring this back to the top, cause it got pretty far down and i don't think she saw it.

[vacantangel]

Yes, I'm BP and I am in therapy but just really started in November, so just a short period of time. I have discussed the abyss with both my pdoc and T and the things that can trigger it. I just finished a group therapy for BP about a month or so ago and I'm starting a new cognitive group therapy on Monday. I'm trying to make some positive changes to improve my life. Being BP also means that you change cycles for no apparent reason, that's more frustrating when you are at the bottom end of the spectrum and don't know why. I do however cycle from things that trigger my emotions. I'm dealing with so many things right now in my personal life that it is no wonder the abyss is my home. I've been constantly changing meds for 4 years and have yet to find something that makes me feel 'ok' for the most part. It's all so frustrating and depressing in itself. Being safe is quite the challenge and I really don't see me climbing out any time soon. Thanks for the hugs. Much needed and appreciated.

[nightdream]

Dear sweety,

I know I am not supportive to anyone lately. I just want to tell you that I follow everyone of your post and I believe in you. I know you will make it. You have great determination. You will make it sweetheart and you will go far.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{AngelGirl}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

nightdream

Angel, it's awesome that you are doing everything in your power to get well. I desperately hope for you that you can find some healing soon. Until then, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Ryan

[vacantangel]

IG, giving ADs to somebody who has BP, could trigger manic/hypomanic episodes, that's why she won't increase mine.

[vacantangel]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
also, AG, when my brother started on the risperdal, not only did it help with his rapid cycling, it helped MAJORLY with his depression as far as how deep and hopeless he felt. we just talked about that today.

he'd gone down on it (while continuing his AD's), and could tell big time that the agitation and anger was coming back but mostly the "dark cloud" was much more intense as well. so maybe the risperdal might help you in that same way? i hope so.

gl,

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Kimmy, I don't understand what you're saying in your second paragraph of your post.

I hope the Risperdal does have that same effect on me as it did on your brother. We'll see what happens. Today is day 2. She told me I should notice effect immediately cuz of all the other meds I'm on. We'll see, not so sure that's possible. I can only hope so. Thanks for the info.

That's so very true Angel. My cousin was dx's ADHD/depressed and put on AD's. Turns out he is ADHD/BP2 rapid cycling. The AD's sent him spiriling into a manic state that would blow your mind. Poor guy didn't sleep for days, couldn't think for all the thoughts racing through his mind, bla bla bla, you know the drill. Thing is, a good pdoc should be able to concoct a mix that works for you. My pdoc said that if the depression from the PTSD came out after the lamictal kicked in, then an antidepressant would be introduced into the mix. Just some food for thought.

Ryan

[vacantangel]

Kimmy, Ryan, Grace, nightdream, thanks for all your support. I sure could use it these days. I hate being in the abyss but then again who does. Ryan, I'm definitely exploring a new pdoc, talked to my t on the phone today about it.

nightdream - You've been following my posts? That means you know how I am.

[vacantangel]

Ooops!!! I knew if I didn't go back far enough in the thread I'd forget to thank someone My bad, very bad. Thanks IG for your support too. My memory ain't good and I apologize for missing you in my previous reply. I just went back to see if I missed anybody and found you. I'm horrified. Please don't interpret my bad to be personal cuz it isn't. Totally my fault and not intentional.

[kimmydawn]

the brother had gone down on then stopped his risperdal prior to going back to the p'doc. he went back on it, because old stuffs were coming back for him. it helped with thoughts, anxiety and depression for him...didn't take them away...but he said helped alot.

[vacantangel]

Well, I could use help in all three areas and then some, so hopefully it has at least the same positive effect on me as it does with your brother. Thanks again for the info. Sorry, it's taking me so long, I'm multi-tasking and as you can see, not very well.

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((((((( AG )))))))))))))))))))))))

i hope for you too. brother told me he didn't expect anything to work, so i think he was quite surpirsed and therefore satisfied with the results.

gl dear.

[vacantangel]

Well that is encouraging cuz at this point I would be surprised to. It's hard to keep positive when you've been through so many med changes in 4 years and still haven't found what works. Maybe this is the best I can hope to feel, who knows.